


My World's On Fire, How About Yours?

by Downhillfromhere (Falicefanatic)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/F, Past Relationship(s), Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Skrull(s), They have a history, two stubborn shield agents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 55,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23867614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falicefanatic/pseuds/Downhillfromhere
Summary: Natasha Romanoff and Maria Hill are new neighbors…in a skrull prison.With no one else to help them, these two forge a bond even with a wall in between them. They don’t know who’s on the other side of that shared wall. However, a cell can only keep SHIELD’s two top agents trapped for so long—just as a certain spy and a tactician can only keep their feelings trapped for so long.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 44
Kudos: 193





	1. Prologue: The Ending Credit & the New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place where the MCU is currently. This prologue was imagined as being an end credit after an upcoming Marvel movie (Marvel you could put in as the Black Widow end credit, there's still time). It also follows everything that was seen in the past movies, meaning that it is in fact movie Clint and not comic Clint, I'm very sorry.

Natasha jumps and then vanishes. The glowing purple fog seems to embrace her as she falls. Clint can barely see her. She’s become just a small speck at the bottom of the cliff: motionless, insignificant. Those adjectives could never describe Natasha Romanoff in a million years. Yet there she is: a mess of broken bones and shattered potential lying on the bloodied ground. He looks away and slowly climbs back up the rope. The rope shakes in his unsteady hands. But Natasha didn’t die for nothing and he hurries his ass up. 

Red Skull greets him with a smug smile. Fucking asshole. Clint leaves the second the stone is presented to him. He doesn’t know how he’s going to tell his team. He doesn’t even know how to tell himself. The shock of everything rendering his mind unable to comprehend anything at the moment.

Red Skull watches the flash of Clint transporting back to the Avengers, then shifts his attention to the bottom of the cliff. He also only sees but a small form lying at the bottom. Serves those Avengers right. 

But contrary to what both dumbasses think, that form is no longer lifeless. It in no way is alive; no creature can survive that fall, but something’s happening to it. The illusion begins to fade. The face changes first; the ears grow bigger and pointer. The skin then shifts to being wrinkled and green with the only red on the head coming from the blood.

And so the skrull lies on the ground. Still a motionless, insignificant speck. But those words never described Natasha motherfucking Romanoff… at least not for this time being.


	2. The Glass That Breathes & the Hero Who Can't

This is the absolute worst. Fuck Hydra and robots and Thanos, this is what’s absolutely killing Natasha. This is it. She paces back and forth in a glass container like some damn hamster. The only thing that greets her is her own reflection. She slams her foot against the glass again. The sound echoes throughout the small room but nothing cracks. So contrary to popular belief, the one millionth try is not the charm. Damn shame.

Her foot stings only slightly, but the pain lets her hold onto something real. It’s something else to focus on other than all the gibberish that’s screaming in her brain. She’s been in this cage for so long that she’s losing her damn mind. 

She’s used to silence. She prefers silence. But she’s had nothing but silence for too long. She didn’t think it could get worse than the Decimation. She lost almost everything… everyone. But it gave her a purpose. She still had hope. As dumb as that sounds, she still thought there could be a way. 

And, boy, it was dumb of her to hope.

First it was the anticlimactic end of Thanos’s life. She hoped finding him would be the solution. 

It wasn’t. That hope diminished before Thanos’s body even hit the ground.

Natasha then clung onto the hope that there was a different way to reverse the Decimation. So she flung herself into research, boarding up in a room with only herself and hundreds of thousands of books and computers. She was on that train of thought for only a few months before the hope became smaller and smaller to the point where she couldn’t be fueled by it anymore. Natasha is no longer a book person because of this.

Then she focused on the present. On the tangible. 

All the kids misplaced and left without someone to care for. She could fix that. That was something she could do. And so, she did it. Natasha helped those kids as much as she could. There wasn’t an orphanage on earth that she hadn’t personally been to. But she still needed more. 

Natasha never stood still. If she stood still maybe everything will catch up to her. That’s what happened right before SHIELD. She let her past catch up to her and if Clint didn’t spare her, that mistake would’ve cost her life. 

So Natasha pushes forward, reaching for tangible dreams. She can’t lose any more hope, not when her hope is smaller than an atom right now.

After two years she’s come far. She’s not happy, but sadness is no longer right at her door; it no longer pierces her very soul until she can’t breathe. She longs for the easy happiness Pepper and Tony have. The way they seem to just go on living their lives. They become her favorite people to be around. They’re not a replacement of Clint and Laura but the peace she feels around them is the same. And they offer her that same place in their lives.

Pepper and Tony don’t have that listless feeling that everyone else shares. That listlessness that shows itself when the rest of her fractured team leaves her. First it was Clint. Then Carol. Then Thor. Then Nebula and Rocket. Then Rhodes. And now even Steve is gone, although he was the only one who promised he’d come back. 

Every person that leaves creates a slight fracture in Natasha. Untraceable to the human eye, but large enough to where she can feel it. It diminishes that small, small hope she has that they can fix this. She is crumbling inside under a mask of self-assuredness and optimism she wears at every place she ever goes to.

She finds more hope unsurprisingly in Pepper and Tony. They’re going to have a kid. A kid. She hasn’t been this excited and surprised about a baby since—fuck—Clint and Laura’s. And while she may not know how to get back Laura and the kids, Pepper and Tony’s kid is tangible: a sure thing. And fuck if she’s not going to the best Auntie Nat in the whole universe to their kid.

Of course, the very second something decent in her life happens, it gets ripped from her. The universe must’ve learned from the Red Room on how to give her something good just to destroy it. You’d think she’d learn her lesson by now.

Just a few days after she learned of the newest Stark, she wakes up in this room.

She looks around the room. She just sees a hollow reflection looking back. Her red roots began showing a year ago and she stopped caring. She has more important things to do than bleach her fucking hair. 

Her body is stiff getting off the ground. She must’ve been on the ground for a few days at least. But what’s the point of the bed in the room if she’s on the ground? Whatever, the interior decorating of the room is the least of her worries. But seriously, even the Red Room had a better style.

Natasha Romanoff doesn’t panic. Panic leaves room for mistakes, and mistakes must never happen. She pushes down any confusion she has and turns it into determination. She will find answers and she will get out of this room.

Once a spy, always a spy. She knows if Steve were here, the first thing he would do is try to use brute force to knock down the walls. But she knows better. You can only make one first impression. You only get one try. They only got one try with Thanos. 

There’re two chairs, a table, and a bed. Clearly someone here expects her to be here for a while. She pushes down the confusion over who that person is; one mystery at a time. 

She glides her hand over all the smooth glass. It definitely seems to be one-way glass. She doesn’t allow herself to think about who may be watching her. 

The glass tells her nothing. No weak points to be found and nothing uncharacteristic about it. Except she can breathe clearly. There’s no stuffiness that would be found if she were trapped in a box of glass. And if she’s really been unconscious on the ground for days the amount of carbon dioxide trapped in the room should’ve made her fuzzy and delusional by now. She should be suffocating, but she’s fine. She’s fine and that’s what’s not fine.

But she can’t find any place where any damn airflow can happen. It’s glass. It’s just glass. It’s just fucking glass. And this glass might be the thing that begins to break her.

She can push away the why, how, and who of this mystery, but she can’t push down how in the fuck this glass can seem to breathe. How it can be so thick and solid and sealed, yet she’s not dying. Unless she is dying and that’s why she thinks she’s not dying.

She can feel herself breaking down. Her mind is coming apart. Gears are popping loose and trains of thought don’t reach their destination. Maybe she is dying. She’s delusional. She needs to THINK. She can’t mess this up. Just THINK damnit!

She closes her eyes tight and covers her ears, but only for a second. An old habit from the Red Room that only shows up whenever she’s dangerously close to a breaking point. 

Her eyes open and her hands drop. So now she focuses on the tangible, on the known. The weakest points of glass windows are the parts that are closest to the wall. The center is supported in every direction. The easiest way to break a window is the go for a side. 

The sturdiest piece of furniture in the room is the metal table. She knows those two facts for sure.

She grabs the table and throws it at the edge of one of the walls. She watches as it hits the wall and bounces off. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She picks it up again. The more force, the more likely it’ll break. She holds it above her head and throws it harder. As it leaves her grip she shouts. Not out of pain or strain, but it escapes nonetheless. The table just makes a louder noise and lands farther from the wall. 

AGAIN, her mind screams at her. She’s lost all advantage of stealth of the first attack or even the second attack. Those mistakes in a field would leave her dead. WHY ISN’T SHE DEAD. She throws the table again; this time a feral noise emerges from her. The table breaks on impact. The glass should’ve been broken. Any normal glass would’ve broken even the first time. WHAT IS WITH THE GLASS. 

The same time the table breaks is the same time Natasha breaks. She picks up the chair and throws it at the glass. It breaks. She throws the other chair. Now she’s down two chairs as their remains scatter the room, useless to her. 

She doesn’t even get to the bed before her legs give out on her and she sinks to the ground. She can no longer move forward. Everything she’s pushed down has caught up to her and she’s drowning in it. Maybe she is dying. She can’t breathe. She can breathe, but she can’t BREATHE. She’s trying to suck in air but she’s going too fast. That wastes oxygen and she KNOWS this. But she can’t stop. She needs to THINK damnit. But her body refuses to listen and soon her mind slips away. Maybe she is dying. Everything’s getting darker and she’s stopped feeling anything. Black dots shield her vision and cotton seems to block her mind. If she’s dying at least that means she’s right and that fucking glass is just cutting off her oxygen. Tangible. Known. And so, Natasha Romanoff finally closes her eyes and accepts her death peacefully. 

Sike.

Natasha wakes up on the ground and the harsh light floods her eyes. Her mind feels like it’s covered in a thin layer of fog and her lungs have a slight tinge in them. So she’s not dead. But she should be. So she’s in the exact place as she was the last time she awoke. 

In the midst of the remains of the destroyed furniture sits a chair. It’s a different chair. Sturdier. More so than the table she threw yesterday. There’s no way she could ever overlook it in any mental state.

It’s clearly a taunt. Someone is letting her know that she knows nothing. That they’re in charge and she’s trapped. They have the upper hand.

They’re daring her to throw it. To throw it, and her sanity, like she did last time. But Natasha Romanoff only makes a mistake once. She won’t show them any weakness again.

She’ll handle the mystery. She won’t crack again. They gave her something tangible. There is someone behind that glass and there is a way out. That’s all she needs to go on. 

Natasha picks herself off the ground with her façade back in place. She’ll get through this and she’ll be damned if getting out of her prevents her from holding Tony and Pepper’s kid in that delivery room.

Well that was one year ago? Two? Three??? Natasha doesn’t know anymore. She has no way to count days. It feels like a lifetime. And the only thing that’s changed is how much she fucking hates silence. Oh and her damn foot hurts a little now. If she were a normal person, her foot would’ve probably been broken beyond repair now. But she knows that in an hour she’ll probably end of kicking the wall again. Lucky try one million and one here she comes.

Natasha sighs and sits down on her bed. Even going out of her mind, she maintains a look of poise and control. Her shoulders never slump and her head doesn’t dare fall into her hands. She keeps her promises and she promised herself that she would never be seen broken. And so she’s kept that act up ever since that first day in the room. 

She glares over at the chair in the corner of the room. It hasn’t been touched ever since it appeared in her room the first day here. It never seems to collect dust. She bets whoever is behind that wall keeps it in pristine shape just to taunt her. She’s lost count of the amount of times she’s wanted to throw that damn thing at the walls just to relieve some stress.

She’s long since abandoned the thought that she’s trapped in glass but it’s a material she’s never experienced before: definitely from elsewhere in the galaxy. That’s at least a clue she’s managed to put together. Which is…something at least. 

She takes a deep breath in and tries to calm her mind which gets more frantic every day. She breathes out, trying to turn the silence from being suffocating to refreshing.

She breathes in again. A soft banging begins on the wall to the left of her. All chances of calm exit her body immediately.

She presses her head against the wall and listens to the various pounding coming from it. Suddenly the sound is right in her ear and the wall makes the slightest movement. 

Natasha yanks her head away from the wall as if she were burned. She holds her ear which is so used to no sound that the noise makes her eardrums feel busted. 

Even though her ear is throbbing, and the banging won’t stop, Natasha’s face begins to slowly mold into a smirk. 

Well hello, neighbor, welcome to the neighborhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Maria


	3. The Pros of Stark’s Mandatory Avengers Bonding & the Cons of Being the Second to Nicolas J Fury

Maria Hill vanished. She sees her hand break away into dust. The cold feeling that seems to spread from the inside out. It’s as if her insides are the first things that go. She feels hollow, cold. She’s not a person. If she weren’t dying she would find it funny that being cold on the inside and not a person is what all her agents would consider how she normally is. But she is dying so that thought only gets a small smirk from a place deep in her brain and that’s in. All other parts of her brain have more important things to focus on.

She is a tactician and the head brain cell of SHEILD. Every plan she carries out is by her own design and she makes sure her agents follow her orders to a “T”. She’s Fury’s second, and damnit if she doesn’t know everything that he does. 

So this feeling isn’t just whatever’s happening to her body, it’s the confusion that gets her. She hasn’t been confused for a while. Nothing’s a mystery to her. Hell she could probably predict the lottery if she actually gave a damn. But she has no idea what’s happening to her body and why she can’t see her hand. Where the fuck is her hand? She locks eyes with Fury’s and that’s the last she sees before those blue eyes she uses disappear into dust. This is the end. Anticlimactic as fuck if you ask her. She always thought it would take a group of hitmen to finally take her down. But Maria guesses disappearing into some weird dust isn’t the worst way she could go.

And so ex-Commander Maria Hill, Deputy Director of nonexistent SHIELD, is reduced to insignificant atoms and nothing more than one of the millions of names on a plaque. 

That is until she’s standing back on the ground, hands attached and everything. Except it’s not in the same place. Or maybe it is? The road is overgrown and unkempt. It looks like something out of a dystopian novel. This whole place is. Rubble is everywhere as she looks around. Like she’s stuck in a time capsule that’s only slightly begun to rebuild. The familiar New York City skyline is no longer so familiar.

To her left is Fury. He looks at her. He’s confused. She knows this because it’s the one expression on his face that she doesn’t recognize. She’s never seen it before. He quickly wipes it off his face and moves into his thinking face. This one she’s quite familiar with.

“Thanos” they say to each other at the same time.

“Hill, we need to get to the Avengers right away.” Fury commands. Maria, like always, is already a few steps ahead of him, searching for any sort of transportation. She sees an SUV amongst the crowd of confused people. It looks like it was parked before people began appearing out of the blue. 

She just needs to reach the SUV and hot wire it if she has to. The Helicarrier should still have its base over a few blocks away, it would be a five-minute drive max. 

“Sir, SUV at eight o’clock!” Maria shouts over the civilians’ confused screaming to Fury. She begins to run to the car, not checking to see if Fury follows. She knows he will be. 

She gets maybe three strides in before two large creatures stand directly in her path. Maria’s never seen anything like these things. They’re definitely not from their planet, with their green scaly skin and large pointed ears. They peer straight through her, probably looking at Fury who she can sense is right behind her. What in the hell are these things? Every fiber in Maria’s body is telling her that they’re hostile but she knows better than to fire before being provoked.

“Nicolas J Fury, Talos requests your presence,” the first creature speaks. Its green hand reaches out to grab Fury’s and that’s all Maria needs to give into her uneasy feelings. In no time at all, Maria reaches for her gun and fires at him.

Her target is right in front of her, yet she misses the mark. The two bullets fly off center, just grazing the creature in front of her. Perhaps there are side effects of turning into dust that she should’ve considered The adrenaline and confusion were masking the feeling of her nervous system completely rewiring. Stupid mistake. Stupid. This is what she gets for being too impulsive, if she would’ve just stopped for a few seconds to collect herself she would’ve realized this. Maybe being dust has messed with her mentally too. 

But now she has bigger problems than dwelling over past mistakes that she can’t change; the two creatures are finally looking at her instead. They don’t seem happy.

“Talos never said anything about extending the invite to include a plus one,” the other creature says, its mouth twisting into a deformed grimace. Maria can take the hint: they want Fury but she’s expendable. Expendable means that it’s a bullet for bullet transaction. Since she’s already shot two bullets at them, she knows it’s only a matter of seconds before two bullets will be implanted in her chest. She’s a goner for sure. How unfortunate to die because her aim was off from coming back from the dead. Maria feels like they cheated but then again it seems like she also cheated death from dust. Guess death also works like a transaction. 

Sure enough they both pull out some type of gun on her. They look like a blaster from a laser tag game. Of course she dies from something resembling a cheap laser tag toy. At least it’s better than suddenly disintegrating into dust.

The first gun goes off and she leaps over to her left where she knows Fury is. Just as she thought, they fire to her right so that they wouldn’t get Fury in the fire. The purple that fires out of the blaster singes her side and it hurts. Maria winces as she lands of the ground near Fury’s feet. She tries to do a roll to get back up on her feet but her right side is mangled. Her muscles refuse to listen to her and she just ends up plopping unceremoniously on the ground.

Maria’s entire body feels like it’s on fire and her body was already not in the best shape. The only movement she can do is look up to the two creatures aiming their guns once again at her.

“Talos wants me to cooperate,” Fury says, breaking his silent streak he seems to have going on with these creatures. It’s about damn time this man says something, considering they’re after him, not Maria.

“He just wants to talk,” the creature says, taking its eyes off Maria. The other one does not and is looking at her dead in the eyes. Of course that one was the one who has a faint graze on its shoulder from Maria’s bullet. She knows that it will kill her as soon as it can. Fury may be able to talk himself out of this one, but she knows that the seconds of her life are ticking and she needs to act fast. She looks through the creature’s legs to the SUV. It’s right there. It’s so close. She just needs to reach it and her chances of getting out of this alive will increase drastically.

“Then you should know damn well that if anything happens to any of my people then I won’t be saying shit to him,” Fury spits out, “if you crazy sons of bitches take out my Second, then there’s no way in ever living hell I’m going anywhere with you.” 

The two creatures look over at each other, debating with their eyes whether or not they should let Maria live. Maria knows better than to stick around and wait for their decision when this is her one chance at escaping. So with her left hand she quietly grabs the gun lying close and fires at them.

She channels all the energy she can from her one good side and throws herself up. She runs unsteadily to the SUV before crashing into it. Maria grips the handle and throws open the door. Her eyes immediately look for the ignition. If the keys aren’t in there then she’s fucked, there’s no way she has enough time to hot wire a car. Sure enough, they’re sticking out, just waiting for her to use. 

Maria lets out a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding. At least something’s looking up for her today. She jumps in the car and slams the door shut. As she turns the ignition, she quickly glances to the two creatures getting up off the ground. Fury is still standing there. She would’ve expected him to be in the seat next to her. In fact, he should be the one driving considering the only feeling she has in her right foot is pain. Not saying that she can’t drive with her left, it’s just inconvenient. 

What is he planning? Usually she can read Fury like a book, side effects from being around one person for so long, but right now she’s not sure what his intentions are. Does he actually want to go with these reptile people? He sure isn’t putting any effort into escaping. Granted they also hadn’t made any attempts to kill him and hold him in some regard. Maria didn’t have the luxury of those things to consider leaving her the only option on escaping. Sometimes it really sucks to be his second. Sure he’s always the target but she is always in the cross hairs of that. Plus, no one seems to ever hold her in any regard so she doesn’t even have that going for her. It’s a real lose-lose situation now that she’s thinking about it. Maybe that’s why she always seems to get herself in a situation where she ends up almost dead. Or in case of the dust, actually dead. 

No matter how much Fury may infuriate her, she’ll sooner be dead herself than see him dead. If that wasn’t evident by her shooting at those creatures the second they asked for Fury. So once the engine starts up she drives over to where the creatures are, hoping to pick up Fury and maybe run a few of them over. 

She really should’ve picked a better strategy but how was she supposed to know the power of those laser tag guns?

One shot from the gun was enough to send her car flipping through the streets, tumbling over itself. Thankfully the mass of people running around had started running away from them once the first shots were fired. 

So Maria is stuck in the driver’s seat as the car flips over itself, smashing herself into the ceiling during every roll. Every roll her body is smashed onto the fractures left of the windows. Since her entire right side is already burned and raw, the pieces just seem to stick to her as if they were glitter particles. Absolutely perfect. 

When the car finally stops, Maria tries to get up and go through the broken window, but the most of her body that she could lift out of the car is her left arm. The rest of her body refuses to move and she collapses. She hears the crunch of glass and looks out at the two pairs of boots approaching her. 

It takes all her effort to look up at the creatures who now have their guns aimed at her head. She looks them dead in the eyes; looks fate dead in the eyes. This is it for sure.

“Consider yourself lucky that Nicholas Fury seems to have some value of you,” one hisses out as he swings his blaster at her. It connects with her head and her vision goes black and head drops to the ground.

Maybe knowing Fury can have its cons. And with that final thought her head gets bashed again and her mind goes dark.

Maria wakes up on the ground. Okay “wakes up” is a strong way of putting it. What’s closer is that her eyes open a tiny bit, barely even a sliver. That little bit of opening is enough to cause her to shut them again. The light coming through them is too much.

Her head is pounding, like her brain is threatening to pop out at any second. It feels like the worse hangover ever. Maybe this is why her dad was always upset, she can only imagine the monster hangovers he must’ve had every day. Granted the pounding in her head didn’t give her any stronger a desire to beat children, but hey, maybe it’s different for everyone. 

Maria’s mouth twists in a self-depreciating smile, amused at her own thoughts. She quickly stops once it starts hurting. If it hurts to even move her facial muscles Maria can’t even imagine the battle it will be to remove her body off the ground.

She has to be concussed. Her head is throbbing. She wouldn’t be surprised if there was a gash there too. 

She can’t really remember what really led to here. Everything has a faint fuzz to it. Was it all just a weird dream? Maria doesn’t trust any of her thoughts. Turning into dust? Now that seem crazy. And then regenerating? These vague green things getting her? Maybe she just made them up? They seemed sort of people like. She hopes it’s a dream. Maria has never done well with sitting on the side lines. She always has to be in control. She’s used to being an eye; all seeing and all knowing. She watches over all the missions, plans the missions. So she hopes that it’s all just a bad dream.

But for her, the bad dreams are never dreams; they’re memories. Maria sure hopes this is the one that turns out not to be real. Please let it not be real.

But in the likelihood that it is, she needs to haul her ass off the ground and get going. So she has a little head damage, wouldn’t be the first time. This is basically routine; she’s been concussed regularly her whole life.

Every muscle screams at her in protest as she places her hands firmly on the ground. She can only barely get her torso off the ground. Her right side is too mangled to do much good. She can’t even move her right arm at all. 

There’s a wall just a few feet away from her face. Her own reflection stares back at her. With her legs still lying on the ground she looks like she’s Ariel the mermaid about to sing a song on a rock. 

Except she looks like crap. Definitely not a princess in any capacity.

Her legs follow her body and she’s finally standing. As she stands and stretches out her back she looks around the room. A typical scene for a prisoner. Which is unfortunate considering all the information she’s gathering seems to fit with the hazy depiction of an abduction happening by two green creatures.

Fury’s not anywhere around but it figures they wouldn’t be locked up together. Fury is rarely ever locked up. Even when people hate him, the want him to like them. He has everyone’s utmost respect and damn it if that doesn’t piss her off sometimes. Yet it also makes her respect him even more and therein is the cycle that keeps replaying for the better half of a decade.

Maria is feeling a weird sort of calm being trapped. Honestly she’s surprising herself with the lack of any emotion surrounding the events that just occurred, but honestly the only feeling she has right now is that head throbbing. That’s not going anyway soon and there’s really nothing that can stop it. Maybe it’s because she’s typically thrown in situations where the best plan is to wait things out.

Maria prides herself on her ability to recognize what’s in her control. Does she want to be able to have everything controlled by herself? Obviously. Does she know that some things just can’t be controlled? For sure. 

And so Maria sits on the edge of the bed and patiently waits.

Actually scratch that. Scratch everything Maria thought about how she can give up control and all that peaceful acceptance shit; call it off. There’s no way she’s leaving her fate in someone else’s hand. Sit on a bed and wait? That really was her best plan? She must’ve hit her head harder than she originally thought. That’s quitter’s talk and Maria is no quitter. She’s a fighter. And what do fighters do? They fight.

She didn’t take on two aliens with a singular gun moments after vanishing into dust, she’s still not too sure about the dust part she’s really hoping that was the concussion speaking, just to give up now. So her head hurts a little? Like she said, she’s used to this by now. She’s fought on with far worse injuries.

She needs to find Fury. That’s her first step. She knows he has answers. He wasn’t at all confused by the creatures that showed up. The moment before they showed up, now that was him confused, but after that he seemed all knowing once again. No matter how deep down Maria is peeved that he didn’t immediately tell her what they were dealing with, she trusts him. If he thought she needed to know what they were dealing with, he would’ve told her. 

Maria doesn’t trust freely. Hence the need to have eyes and ears on every mission. She doesn’t have complete trust that her people will get the job done correctly. People just don’t usually come through on things for her.

Even her trust in Fury stopped when he wasn’t right behind her in that SUV the other day. That was a new experience. 

Maria stands up off of the bed, ready for a plan of action. There’s still not much that can be done. 

The table and chairs won’t get her anywhere so she starts with the glass.

She goes over and traces her fingers gently along it. It almost feels like plastic, sort of like the kind Tony was developing a little bit ago in his lab. When she worked at Stark Industries she would sometimes have to go into his lab. Disastrous times those were. The amount of times she almost was sawed in half on melted or turned into an animal were far too many. She’s glad that those trips down there are finally paying off. It’s about damn time. 

She tries to think back to anything he said to her down there. Quite frankly she’s tried to block those days out of her mind. Those days that came right after SHIELD fell. After her life burst into shambles. Those weren’t her best days.

Maria walked in on Stark making the glass around maybe her fifth week there? She thinks maybe that week was when Thor was visiting and Stark wanted to know about alien technology. So all this really gives her is confirmation that she’s dealing with aliens. That or someone on earth reinvented it, but if Stark only had a vague prototype, that’s highly unlikely. Although Maria isn’t the biggest fan of Stark, she can admit that he can sort of be smart on some various occasions. But she will gladly die before telling that to him.

Maria draws her arm back and strikes the wall. The plastic likeness of it covers most of the noise but it still has a vague echo from the hit. 

Maria hits a few more places along the walls, trying to see if there are any weaknesses or inconsistencies.

After her sixth hit she moves once again to the left and begins to knock again when another sound calls out.

It’s faint. She can barely hear it, but it’s there. It’s right where her last hit was.

She walks back to where she was and hits the wall again.

Nothing is different about this wall from the others. Maybe she’s going crazy.

But there it is again. It’s calling back to her. Could there be another person standing on the opposite side of this wall?

Maria knocks twice and the wall knocks back twice as well.

The faint knocks begin to increase. Two, then three, then one, then five, and they keep going.

Maria knows this: Tap code.

Two then three  
H  
One and five  
E  
Three and one  
L  
Three and one  
L  
There better be an O after that   
And there it is: three and four.  
O  
HELLO.

A simple message but one that she can work with. But then again it could all be a test and she’ll never know.

Maria responds back in code, “Who do you work for.” Always a good message.

“No one” is the response she gets back. Well that’s not very helpful.

So Maria gets straight to the point “What species are you?”

“Human, hoping you’re the same,” Still could be a trap. Maria and her lack of trust and all that.

“Prove it,” she knocks back.

There’s a pause and then, “Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me.”

Maria is confused. That was not the reply she was expecting. What does that even mean? Is that a code for something else?

The knocks start up again after that, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.”

Is this a poem by a famous poet? Maria is racking her brain for any clues. She aced both junior year and senior year poetry and she can safely say that none of them ever wrote those lyrics. Maybe it’s from a song? Maria doesn’t really keep up with much music. She’s honestly stopped caring since the 90s. 

“She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an ‘L’ on her forehead.”

That seems familiar and definitely human, but even if Maria is fairly certain that whoever is on the other side is in fact a human, now these it’s turned into a test of Maria proving herself human. Which is probably not going to end up well considering one of the main rumors around the Helicarrier used to be that she wasn’t actually a human.

More lyrics are knocked to her and she can’t seem to figure out what it’s from. Maria has almost a perfect memory but she can’t come up with anything other than a hazy memory. The concussion definitely isn’t helping things right now.

What are the odds that she knows a random specific song? It needs to be a popular song but she can’t think of anything. She’s drawing all the blanks. But somewhere it’s clicking. Deep in her brain she can feel that she knows this song. She can hear voices talking while the song is being played. It’s not like she has many friends to talk to so the voices she’s hearing must be the avengers. But the Helicarrier never plays any music. Maybe where she heard this song was at the tower?

“Hey now you’re an all-star get your game on go play”

Wait that’s familiar, that’s so familiar. She can hear Stark laughing and singing along. She can see the Avengers all spread out on couches facing a large screen. Stark’s Avengers bonding! That’s where she’s heard this. 

The next round of knocks, Maria’s whispering them before they come in.

“Hey now you’re an all-star get the show on get paid.”

Maria finally knocks back the rest of her test. Apparently Stark’s insistence that they watch all the Shrek movies for mandatory Avengers bonding night is about to pay off. 

“All that glitters is gold  
Only shooting stars break the mold”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just rewatched Shrek and honestly what a masterpiece.


	4. The Consequences of Lessons of Importance from the Red Room & Lessons of Jokes from Clint Barton

Maybe Natasha should’ve picked a different song. Her neighbor is not getting it. Maybe the person is old and that’s why they don’t understand it. Or maybe they just don’t watch many children’s movies from the 2000s. Then again maybe it’s not a person at all on the other end and that’s why they don’t get it. This is stressing her out, Natasha so desperately wishes that whoever is on the other side is a person.

This song was the first thing she could think of, ever since Tony proclaimed it to be a “classic” and begged the Avengers to watch Shrek at least every couple of months. It’s not like she really knows what else normal people would listen to, and Tony seemed pretty insistent that the song was well known enough. 

But she’s almost to the last of the chorus and if they don’t get it now then it’s hopeless. Natasha can’t think of another song. Another anything. Her sole thought for the longest time was how to escape and before that it was how to get everyone back. She doesn’t have time for games and songs and movies.

Maybe she should’ve gone with an actual classic but that seems too predictable. Shrek is so human.

So Natasha hesitantly knocks out, “Get the show on get paid.”

She raises her hand to knock the next lyric when faintly she hears:

“ALL  
THAT  
GLITTERS  
IS  
GOLD  
ONLY   
SHOOTING  
STARS  
BREAK   
THE  
MOLD”

That’s it. That’s it!

Natasha is not alone. Not anymore.

Natasha taps, “You passed. Now me?”

A faint, “You also passed. That was clever. Kind of a risk. But clever.”

That’s what Natasha had been going for. She was worried if her neighbor would ask her mundane questions she couldn’t answer from being in the Red Room most of her life and then working for SHIELD. I mean she doesn’t exactly go to book clubs or keep up with popular songs. Especially if they asked her about a song made during the Decimation because she was in a completely separate world during that time; one that didn’t have time for such trivial things. Songs wouldn’t bring half the universe’s population back, so why even bother.

“So now what?” Natasha knocks. Natasha has never considered a person would join her. Okay maybe there was a tad bit of hope that first week, but that was so long ago that it seems almost nonexistent. Natasha hopes that by forgetting weeks that don’t matter, it’ll make it seem like time has passed less than it really has. Because she can’t handle if too much time has passed.

Natasha picked up this nifty mechanism in the Red Room. She was able to tune out the memories she wanted to. Of course some of the worst memories she had to keep to repent her from repeating them. Just the neutral ones would make the cut of getting erased. They really didn’t matter. Just normal days. Sure she remembered the lessons she learned, but those became more of an instinct instead of a memory. Like how people can do things like walking or reading or speaking but they don’t exactly remember learning how to do those things. Natasha runs on pure instinct.

So no, Natasha hasn’t really thought this far ahead. She’s more of a take-things-one-at-a-time type of person instead of big picture. Spontaneous is what she calls it. Reckless is what handlers at SHIELD have preferred it called.

“Now how do we get out of here?” is knocked back to her.

Well she may be stuck with someone else but her neighbor sure isn’t smart. Of fucking course Natasha’s been trying to get out of here! Does this dumbass think she’s just been sitting idle for who knows how long? That she knew how to escape and just didn’t?

“Oh yeah let me just tell you how to get out of here. You know I’ve just in here because I have nowhere better to be.”

“How long have you been here?”

“I don’t remember nor does that matter to me right now. I’m more focused on getting out of here. Time doesn’t exactly matter when you’re trapped.”

“Sounds like you've been trapped before.”

"Don't get all wise on me now. Let's just get out first. And I hate to admit it, but I’ve been fresh out of ideas for a long time."

"The glass is alien tech. Pretty advanced from what I know about it."

"More things I already know."

"Then why aren't you leading the discussion if you're so all-knowing? Better yet tell me why you're still here if you know everything that's happening."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Well like you said, this isn't normal glass and from what I've seen of it, it's very durable and has no known sites of weakness."

"Very helpful."

"You asked me to tell you what I know."

"Forget the glass, tell me other things. Like how are you getting food and water? What do you eat? Have you seen anyone else human or alien? How did you get here? Tell me everything you know since you’re so knowledgeable. You know, things I don't already have an established answer to yet."

"I get bread and water every day I guess. As I already said, time is kind of meaningless, but I'm going to assume it's every day. I haven't seen or heard from anyone at all. The food comes when I sleep. They probably make sure I won't wake up when they're there because I'm in no way a heavy sleeper.

“Every once in a while I get other things, like they figure out there's another food group besides bread.

"So it's weird. They don't want me dead but they don't want me to be in the best of shape. It's a prison but it could be worse.

“The thing is I don't know why they took me. I was essentially doing nothing during the Decimation. Like why now? But that’s really all I’ve got.”

Natasha waits a little for a response before she hears, "What's the Decimation?"

Natasha's heart stops. No. There's no way this person could've been trapped next to her longer than she was. There’s no way this person was here before the Decimation, that was at least two years ago. Maybe she knows another word for it? That’s gotta be it. That has to be it. But it's called the Decimation almost everywhere else.

"Some people also call it the Blip,” Natasha knocks back, hoping her neighbor will know what it is now.

"Still not following you there. Is this a sports thing?"

The person is not getting it, so Natasha decides to spell it out for her, "It’s when half the universe disappeared."

"The dust. Did it have to do with the dust?"

"Reduced to atoms,” Natasha supplies with a cruel chuckle to herself. 

"I thought I dreamt it. I thought that maybe it was made up because it doesn't make sense. It doesn't,” her neighbor pauses and knocks, “Thanos?"

"Thanos used the infinity gauntlet to randomly destroy half the living things on the universe."

"And I was gone."

"And you were gone."

"How am I back?"

"I don't know. When I was taken it was two years into the Decimation."

"I was gone I was dying. There was nothing inside of me. My hands disappeared and then I disappeared and now I'm back."

Natasha can hear the knocks become frantic and lighter. The person on the other side is not digesting the news well. 

"I've been gone for more than two years?" her neighbor faintly taps.

"Yes."

"The world is different."

"Yes."

"But everything is alright now."

"Maybe. We're still trapped though."

"Can we even escape?"

"Maybe not. I haven't and if I can't there's no way you can."

"That's pretty bold of you."

"I'm a bold person."

"I bet. Well how about I finish my assessment of the prison and then I get back to you?"

"I'll be waiting," Natasha responds, and then the knocks stop. 

Natasha isn’t the most optimistic about the new person. The news that the Avengers fixed the Decimation is probably the only thing she'll get out of the them that’s useful in any way.

She wasn't lying when she said that if she couldn't find a way out, then the other person definitely couldn't. She's the Black Widow, a super spy assassin. If anyone should be good at getting out of tight places, it's her. There's not much the other person can really do. She's tried every single inch of the prison and nothing ever gives. 

So Natasha focuses her attention on the one thing she got out of her neighbor: they reversed the Decimation. 

That's good news. Great news.

But the thing is, how long has she been in here then?

When she left they were nowhere close to reversing it. They didn't even have an idea left.

They didn't even have the Avengers left. They all scattered to do their own things, accepting that nothing could be done to fix it.

She was the last one. The very last one. Somehow she didn't matter though; they still managed to fix things without her.

Natasha was holding onto the last hope that maybe the Avengers could find her. At least Nebula or Carol Danvers could find her.

But if they reversed the Decimation already, a pretty hopeless cause for years, then how hopeless is finding her if finding her is even harder?

This isn't good. If not even the Avengers can help her escape, then it doesn’t matter how many people they throw in here with her, it still wouldn't change her odds of escaping.

But with the Decimation reversed, that also means everyone is back. Everyone she lost that day is there. Clint's family, her family, they're back. Does Clint even know? Last she heard he was doing some weird shit in Japan.

She tried to make contact with him but he wasn't having it. She still tries not to let that bother her.

The rest of the extended avengers are back: Wanda, Bucky, Sam, Fury. 

And they're all being reunited and she's here.

And if they’re all back maybe it’s not a question on can they find her but a question of will they find her.   
Do they even need to find her? Is she worth the time to find, or is she as replicable as she was in the Red Room? The Red Room would get a kick out of that, every day they would love to remind her just how insignificant she was. If she did the job wrong or not good enough or too slow they would always remind her. She wasn’t special enough to not get reprimanded if she wasn’t good enough for them.

She was replaceable even after the training, even after the brain washing, even after the graduation ceremony, even after the serum. Always replaceable. 

They could always make more they said as they would burn away her flesh and beat her to the point where she couldn’t walk for weeks.

Then there were the times she was handed a gun and shown her replacements. She would have to look them in the face as they stood trembling a foot in front of her. They would make her stare straight into the girls’ water soaked eyes, seeing her own reflection of her gun cocking and moving into position. In the beginning these also doubled as a lesson on not getting attached. She learned that lesson by the time she was eight years old, old enough to have put a slug through the heads of five of her friends over the past years. Anna was the last one, but Anna was lucky Natasha was experienced enough not to miss and let her suffer; unlike Irina who slowly bled out for an hour after she inserted the knife in the wrong spot in her stomach. Natasha was five years old when Irina died in her arms and she never made a friend with a Red Room girl past eight years old. 

So once again maybe the Red Room was right all along. The Avengers had to have noticed that she was gone and yet they’re not here.

Sure, maybe she doesn’t have a family in the strict sense or blood related people or a spouse, but she was in families.

Cooper and Lola are probably looking for their Auntie Nat right now and Natasha wants more than anything in the world to be with them right now. They must be so scared.

Maybe they're not alone like her but they had to vanish and come back to a world they don't even know. Come back to a dad they don't even know.

They need her and she's here. They need her and she can’t do anything about it.

And Tony and Pepper.

And their baby.

Natasha may not be counting the time since she's been in here, but it has to have been more than a year if the Decimation is reversed. Which means she missed the birth of that kid.

She missed it and now their baby will never know her. She wasn't there to babysit when Pepper and Tony needed a break. She never got to be there, holding the baby when they wake up crying in the night. She doesn't get to be there to whisper bedtime stories and songs in Russian; the only semblance of a childhood before the Red Room she remembers that she can offer to pass down.

So many plans that she dreamed of doing she doesn’t get to do.

And the baby will never know how much she loves them and how important they are to her.

Tony and Pepper might miss her but the baby won't.

She's a stranger. A stranger in her best friends' child's life.

Which means she's no longer a part of Tony and Pepper's little family because their life is that child now, that child that doesn’t know her. And she and Clint haven't spoken in years, so it seems like she's not in his family either.

So really Natasha has no blood family and no chosen family.

No relatives, no spouse, no partner, no families. Nothing.

Maybe that’s why she's still here. Maybe she just isn't worth retrieving. The Red Room was always right; Natasha is replaceable. Some aliens can just pick her up out of the fabric of the universe and no one would care. She isn't essential. Everyone’s worlds just keep on spinning without her. 

Natasha allows herself to unwind. She earned the damn right to. It's been over a year probably and she's done nothing but looking forward and moving forward and swimming and swimming and swimming. But that's gotten her nowhere. 

Maybe it's just time to drown.

People always say drowning is a violent death, but Natasha’s been through enough water boarding to find some peace in it. The soft fading into black as the water fills her lungs and her senses just stop. It's almost peaceful. And it sure as hell beats swimming any longer. 

A little flailing won't hurt.

And so Natasha allows herself to think about what if she doesn't get out. If she's stuck here for the rest of her extended life. She might just go insane.

Seeing as there's nothing to do but let her mind wander and crack.

She honestly thinks that she prefers being tortured. At least that gives her a goal. Something to think about besides everything that she can't do to get back to the people who don't need or want her in their lives.

Natasha wishes she could blame the Decimation for taking away people she loves. And maybe yeah she can blame it for pulling her out of the Bartons’ lives, but it's not like it took anyone who was really home to her.

In fact, she got out pretty unscathed, people wise. Really other people had it much worse. 

It's her own damn fault that she's not close with people. She runs. She's been running her whole damn life. She runs because it's easy. She knows how to run. She could probably run before she could walk. After all, running is the best skill someone could have, since all skills are based on running. So of course she’s great at running, the Red Room wouldn't have it any other way. 

So she knows how to run. But how to stay, now that's something she has no experience with.

She knows how to feel, how to love, and all that; well at least platonically. But she doesn't know how to stay. 

How to move forward with someone is thing she doesn’t know. So yeah, she runs. 

Because running's the fastest way to move forward and when she runs she knows she's moving forward, at least physically that is. No destination is really needed but she knows at least there is a destination. She will end up somewhere and it'll be fine because she's done this a thousand times.

She runs.

Runs away from everything. Runs from everyone.

Both good and bad.

But Natasha can't run. Not anymore. There's nowhere to go. She's finally reached a dead end. The end of her running. She's finally run until she can't anymore.

And she always assumed she would be alone at the end. That she would run past every single person in the world. And while that may be true, there's someone who's here at the dead end with her. And although that person isn't here on their own accord, most people end up in her life not on their own accord.

So instead on losing herself any more than she already was she knocks, "Are you still there?"

"No, I escaped. Of course I'm here." comes the reply. God, Natasha has been away from people for so long that just someone else's snark is enough to put a smile on her face.

"Ha, funny. Didn't know I was stuck with a comedian."

"That's not even my best material."

"How could it ever get better?"

""Knock knock"

"What?"

"Knock knock"

"I’m already knocking, dumbass."

"Man they really did fry your brain cells in there. The correct answer is 'who's there.'"

"Sorry I'm not a child anymore"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Robin"

"Robin who?"

"Robin you, now hand over the cash."

Wow, that was truly awful. Just really, really bad. If Clint said that to her that would earn him a hard punch in the shoulder. That was so bad, there's no way Natasha should be smiling right now. there's no reason why she's grinning ear to ear and laughing like an absolute manic. None at all. And yet...

"My apologies,” Natasha knocks, “I'm obviously in the presence of a comedic genius."

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?'

"Cash."

"Cash who?"

"No thanks, I'd rather have peanuts."

Natasha knows for sure that Clint’s told her that one before, and if she remembers correctly, she definitely socked him hard in the shoulder for that one. He told her those knock knock jokes relentlessly one of her first months at SHIELD. "Getting to know the American culture" Natasha thinks is what he called it. 

And she thought he was absolutely ridiculous. but maybe his jokes really did help her. The ones she's hearing now have seemed to pull her up from drowning. It's like someone tossed her a lifejacket. She's not swimming anymore, but she's not drowning. And it's nice. Not being alone, not running. Maybe she should try it more often. Maybe.

Natasha decides to use one out of Clint’s arsenal of knock knock jokes that she had to hear. 

"Knock knock." Natasha taps.

"Isn't that my line?'

"Hey I played alone with yours."

"After I had to tell you what to say, and now suddenly you're the master?"

"Just go with it."

"Fine, who’s there."

"No you messed it up, I have to start again."

"Fine, bossy."

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"You."

"You who?”

"All this time, I had no idea you could yodel."

"That one doesn't work with tap code, dumbass. I'm not using my mouth to respond."

"I bet you still said it out loud." 

"That doesn't mean you can hear it." Natasha grins at the admission that her neighbor was saying her joke out loud.

"Like yours were any better."

Is it sad that the most amusing thing Natasha's done in probably years is argue with a stranger over whose knock knock jokes are better? Perhaps. But that isn’t going to stop her from having the only fun she’s had in years.

"Knock knock,” the person taps.

"You're not gonna defeat me."

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Thermos."

"Thermos who?”

"Thermos be a way out of here so I never have to listen to another one of your bad jokes again."

And just like that, the person pulls Natasha's attention where it belongs: getting out of here.

"I have absolutely no ideas."

"Have you tried the ceiling?"

"I’m short. The best I can do is brush against it when I jump."

"That explains the attitude."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Short temper."

"Haha, again with the jokes."

"You asked for them, don't get short with me now."

"Creative."

"That's why they pay me the big bucks."

"So back to your brilliant ideas without the bad jokes....”

"Well I'm a vaguely tall person."

"Installing much confidence."

"I haven't checked the ceilings but I'll get back to you."

"Thought you already did that."

"No I only checked the walls before you interrupted me asking dumb questions."

"Well then go do that then. I've been patiently waiting."

"Patient my ass are you sure you haven't been in here like two seconds and you're just over exaggerating."

Natasha wishes that were the case. But she has to have been in here for a while. The only difference now is that there is new hope that she can achieve.

Which means this person showing up can either save her or destroy her and it's entirely up to whoever is behind that wall. She's never felt so out of control in her life.

Everything rests on the person in the other room. If they happen to find anything, anything at all that Natasha missed, it can save her. There's a chance.

And just like that, Natasha begins to feel tired. Her body is heavy. She's long since believed that they release some kind of chemical in the room to put her to sleep so they can sneak in and leave food.

Usually Natasha doesn't even mind too much. Her body is always tired and droning on and there's nothing she can really do about it.

Today is the first day in a long time that she actually has any sort of real energy. Today she has something to work for.

So this time she actually tries to fight the sleep. She can't go to sleep now. What if her neighbor finds something? What if they leave her? Natasha may be finally ready to stay but that doesn't mean the other person won’t run without her.

"Am I losing my mind?" Natasha hears tapped at her and she goes over to the wall to hear better.

"I swear my body feels like I'm being dragged by a car. My head is splitting."

"Did I not mention that the aliens may or may not cause you to sleep so they can put in the food and not wake you up."

"Huh must've slipped your mind to mention that it was an actual thing that happens. Might've been good to know it wasn’t just a hunch."

"I'll keep that in mind to mention it whenever I get a new neighbor."

"I'm not good enough for you?"

"Never know, maybe you'll leave the neighborhood."

"Like I can ever get out of here. Where's all that confidence about me not having a chance at escaping because you haven't?"

"I don't know, maybe the ceiling is the way out and your giraffe form will make it."

"The ceiling is too high up, even for me. And besides, I wouldn't leave you."

"Why wouldn't you? You don’t even know me."

"No man left behind and all that jazz. Plus, how else will I get to make you pay for all your bad jokes?"

"My jokes weren't the problem, that's still your department."

"Ha you wish."

And then the wall went silent. Maybe her neighbor finally fell asleep. And it seems like Natasha is about to join her soon. 

That is until Natasha faintly hears, "I won't leave you. We're in this together now."

"Like you can ever get rid of me now, neighbor."

More silence. Natasha closes her eyes and lies on the ground.

"M. A. R. I. A."

What's her neighbor trying to spell out? Is that a code for something?

"What?”

"My name's Maria."

Natasha freezes for a second. Her neighbor is offering a small piece of themself to Natasha, so she should do the same. But what if her neighbor recognizes her name and knows who she is? She doesn’t want to give them false hope that they can escape because they’re trapped with an Avenger. And so Natasha decides to go with her best option: 

"Natalie."

“Goodnight, Natalie.”

“Goodnight, Maria.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this chapter of them talking to each other through a wall half a year before Love Is Blind aired. They must've copied me. Nick and Vanessa Lachey did used to live a block away from me... Coincidence? I think not.


	5. The Whiplash of Emotions & the Consistency of Actions

Natalie. 

So that's Maria's neighbor. 

Maria doesn't want to admit it, but Natalie confuses her. She's so confident in herself, yet she seems to be clingy. Maria is half convinced that she's a teenager. All the traits are there: cocky, clingy, bad at jokes, Shrek. Maria really hopes she's not trapped with a teenager.

Once Maria collapses on the ground in sleep, her brain is visited by images of various Natalies. All of them definitely older than a teen; she's not her father.

The first one is a woman with black hair, crispy from a botched box dye job, and bangs that don't quite work with her face shape. But that one is based off the main Natalie that was in her life. Granted it was her high school enemy so she’s not exactly thrilled to see this Natalie.   
Each version of what she images Natalie to be are strong with a smirk on their faces as they tell her a bad   
joke. They flutter around her, whispering and laughing in her ears, and Maria lets herself become invested in what they're saying. Not all their jokes make sense, but Maria supposes they're good enough for dream people. 

The Natalies slowly fade into different features. The hair gets shorter and get their faces change from smirks into grimaces and sparkling eyes disappear in worn, hollow eyes. They start looking more and more like her old team. Maria knows instantly where this one is going. And suddenly she's transported from a white room into a sandy desert, sandy desert that used to also be a white room. Her lungs are dry and her skin hasn't been the same in ages. Her throat has stopped working a while ago, only short hoarse words can vaguely be heard emerging when she tries to yell. 

She's trying to yell for her team, but they're scattered. Her right ear is ringing and her left ear is completely deaf. 

Maria manages to keep dodging bullets. She's not immune though, and a few pierce into her right shoulder and near her thigh. Her team. She needs to find her team. It was all a trap. It was her fault; she should have known better. She should've been better. She knew something was off and now here she is trying to find the remains of her team. 

She sees Michels. He's buried under the thick cement roof that came down over them. Maria shakily makes her way over to him. Her whole body is trembling under beaten legs. Considering there was a bullet through her left leg, she's honestly surprised she can walk at all. The adrenaline is kicking in but it's still not enough to give her all the energy and strength she needs. Maria falls to the ground next to him. He's knocked out cold. Dead or alive, she needs to get him out of there. But where? Into the line of fire? There's no place that she can go that's safer than under that roof. 

Some of the roof fell in a large heap instead of the usual crumble. The slab of roof is propped up above another large piece of concrete. It's not perfect, but the concrete will hold up against most of the bullets and it's close by.

Maria grabs Michels with one hand and tries to lift the pieces of the roof off him with her other. She exerts all her energy on pulling him out and she falls backwards in a daze. Once her vision returns slightly, Maria scoops up Michels under his arms and drags him to the makeshift safe place.

And for the next minutes she continues to do that. Maria searches for her team under the rubble and through the bullets. 

She needs them all to be okay. If they die that's on her. She's the reason they were even here in the first place. She's the reason why they walked into a trap. If she hadn't used her gut and investigated what was happening, she never would’ve gotten herself taken. And then her team wouldn’t have been there to take her back. It's all her fault and she might've just killed her whole team. Killed her whole family.

It couldn't have been too long after before backup comes. Maria takes one look at her team before another bullet rips through her hip and she falls to the ground to join her brothers. 

When Maria wakes up in the glass cell again, she presses her hand where the bullet just was. Her hand comes back clean, no blood, just a scar. 

Suddenly a loud noise accompanies a slot in the walls opening. Out steps two of those green aliens. One carries a gun and the other electrodes. The two creatures flash from being aliens quickly into people, the people who took her, then back to the aliens again. She already knows what's going to happen. She's lived through this before. One asks her for information about a project she doesn't even know. Maria keeps silent. Frustrated, the one with the gun shoots her right at the scar where she has on her right leg. The bullet goes thoroughly in and out. 

The other one walks over to her to put electrodes on her when the ceiling opens up and down comes Natalie. Or at least who Maria pictures Natalie will look like. This Natalie has long dark brown hair cascading in braids and silver glasses with her deep maroon painted lips pursed in determination.

"I'm here to recue you!" Natalie shouts after taking care of the two aliens. 

"Don't come any closer!" Maria pleads, but it's too late. There's an explosion and the ceiling shatters on top of them. The gunfire doesn't even get to start; the explosion was enough to take out Maria this time. If only she were so lucky when it actually happened.

Maria wakes up again, hopefully for real this time.

Maria waits, ready for it to be another nightmare. Her panting and heartrate begin to slow once she finally accepts that she's actually awake this time.

Maria slowly gets up and walks gently over to the table. There's bread and water on it. Natalie was right. Natalie.

Maria knew that getting close to her would be a bad idea. She can vividly see Natalie's face in her mind: lifeless and bloody, and all because of her. No, Maria won't let another person die because of her. Sure, Maria will risk her life for this stranger, but she'll be damned before another person risks their life for her. And the only way to ensure that they both make it out alive if they remain colleagues, not friends. That's what Maria learned working at S.H.I.E.L.D. She's done her best work using that method, she is second in command for a reason after all. Well, was second in command. 

It's been maybe a day and Maria's already too attached to this person. 

Maybe it's because she gave her answers to some of her questions and she feels a sense of comfort in her. Whatever it is, Maria needs to tone that down. Natalie is just another coworker. Natalie is here as solely an ally and nothing else. 

Maria finishes her food and begins to recheck all the sides and ceilings of the cell in case she missed something in her earlier assessment.

There's a knock on the wall: "Did they give you the luxury breakfast?"

This joking is not something she does with a coworker, what she would give a coworker in an update on her current status so instead of encouraging this banter, she taps back, "Bread and water. Rechecking the cell."

"You really don't need to waste your time, it's a lost cause," Natalie knocks back.

"I'll determine that after I recheck for myself."

"Don't make me say 'I told you so'"

"You won't get to if you never let me leave to go check. Sit still for a few minutes so I can finish."

"I've been sitting still for a year, Maria, you don't need to tell me how to."

"Then do it. Will check back in once the assessment is complete. Don't knock unless it's an emergency."

"We're stuck in a prison with no way, held captive by aliens. I think that calls for an emergency."

"I don't take you to be dense, so do as I say and quit it."

"I hear you loud and clear. This is the last you'll hear from me."

Maria doesn't respond back, hoping that Natalie has got the message to stay quiet and keep to herself.

Thankfully Natalie has ceased the excessive knocking and Maria is able to finish checking everything. Unfortunately, Maria comes up with no new discoveries: no trap doors or hidden buttons.

"Nothing new to report." Maria knocks to Natalie.

"Shocking," Natalie responds.

"Well what ideas do you have now?"

"I have the same ideas that I had last time you asked: none."

"You must have something in mind. It can be anything."

"I've told you everything I know."

"You have to be leaving out something. There's no way I can get as much knowledge as you in this place when I've been here days instead of years."

"I don't know what to tell you, it’s just a cell."

"Tell me anything helpful."

"Why is this feeling like an interrogation? I told you time and time again that I don’t know anything so stop asking." Wrong words. Those were not the right words Natalie should've used at all. All of the memories brought up last night flood Maria's mind. Her leg starts to hurt as if she were just shot and she grips it as she falls to her knees. Fuck Natalie; to believe Maria ever thought she had to stop herself from befriending this person. Fuck this damn Natalie for not triggering one nightmare a few hours ago but also this damn PTSD attack right now. 

Maria knows that nothing is happening, she knows that in some part of her brain, but right now her body hurts everywhere, her raw skin from being burned by the aliens’ gun feels like it’s being ripped apart at the sudden impact of her knees on the ground. The pain makes Maria flinch and the rest of her body falls into the wall, luckily her left side is the one that hits the wall, last thing she needs is to completely rip open the blistering scabbing skin again.

"Maria? Was that supposed to be a knock or were you kicking the wall at me?" Why can’t Natalie just leave her alone? At this point Maria thinks she should get a refund on her nightmare considering there is no longer any part in Maria that considers Natalie a friend.

"You don't know shit about interrogations. I'm asking you valid questions and you're being hostile for no reason. You didn't tell me that they drug you to sleep until I was experiencing it so it's not like these accusations are coming out of nowhere! I am questioning you, not interrogating you. You're free to not respond at any damn time. And since you’re so adamant that you don’t know anything, why don't you just stop responding! Shut up! Go away!" Maria's body is beginning to shake, becoming rigid and spasm like. If she doesn't do something soon, she'll be in for a full blown panic attack. And those can get violent sometimes; she’ll rip open her whole right side for sure. Might even bang her head on something. Things aren’t looking good for her. 

"Maria?" Natalie knocks back to her. Maria doesn't have enough control over her body to knock back to her to tell her to stop talking to her.

“Maria?” the knock calls out, and Maria barely has enough senses to hear it. Soon her body will begin to cut off everything except what it wants her to feel. Maria doesn’t answer back, she has better things to worry about than some person’s need for consistently pestering her, such as calming the fuck down. 

Her heartbeat is in her ears, mixed with a faint buzzing sound; did the fluorescent lights illuminating the cell ever buzz? Is she imagining it? Whatever the answer is, she can hear it very clearly. The lights have to be making that sound, there’s no way that she entire hearing is blocked off by an active imagination. 

Maria’s body is twitching and she can’t keep still, every instinct she has is to get the fuck out of here but there’s nowhere to go and her body feels like it’ll quit sometime soon.

A knock. She can hear a knock.

It almost sounds like her heart, but she supposes focusing on her heart is better than the buzzing sound.

So Maria listens to the knock.

It doesn’t seem to be random. There’s a pattern. Tap code. She knows this.

Natalie. Natalie is here with her. But she doesn’t like Natalie; this is all her fault. Maria should stop listening to the knocks, all they do is annoy her.

But Maria is not dumb. She may be stubborn to the point of being dumb but Maria has never jeopardized a life—hers or someone else’s—in being stubborn. Plus, it’s not like Natalie knows that she’s listening to her knocks. For all Natalie knows, she’s ignoring her. 

Maria can work with that. 

And so she listens in, trying to quell the growing buzzing that’s plaguing her mind.

“A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The important thing is to not create an emotional bond.”

Is she talking in code? Maria is confused. Her mind begins to wander from how bright everything is getting to what Natalie is trying to tell her.

“Is your dad a baker?” What does this have to do with anything?

“Cause you’ve got great buns.” Is this referring to the bread they had earlier? Is it a code to try and tell her that she’ll be sedated soon?

“Aren’t you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.” Wait Maria knows where that one is from. In middle school, Maria used to look up pickup lines to help her talk to girls. It didn’t go well. But she knows this one. Maria gives a snort at the memory. 

She had such a crush on this one girl in her class in middle school. Her name was Kayla. Maria couldn’t even make eye contact with her. Damn it was pathetic. Her best friend at the time, James, told her that she should use pickup lines on her. He had been kidding at the time but Maria took it in all seriousness. And so she found the most god-awful pickup lines. A week later, after constant rehearsing, Maria bumped into Kayla on accident and used, “if you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple.” It did not go over well, Kayla was pissed and revolted that a girl was making advances on her. She went off on Maria which then attracted a crowd where Kayla kept yelling at her. And that was the day that Maria came out to her entire school. It was also the day she stopped talking to James. A start of a terrible middle school experience filled with yelling and fights and getting sent home which in turn lead to more fights and yelling, except these where fights that Maria didn’t win. Maria moved to a different district for high school. 

And although pickup lines don’t have the greatest track record with her, Maria would rather think about middle school than anything that happened when she was deployed. 

While she was taking down an impromptu trip down memory lane, her body stopped shaking. The buzzing sound is still there but much fainter. She can finally hear herself think.

She can hear the knocks clearly now.

“Are you an astronaut cause your ass is out of this world.”

It’s probably time that Maria responds to Natalie, because there’s no doubt in her mind that Natalie will keep going until Maria responds. Maybe Natalie isn’t so bad after all. Even without seeing Maria, she was able to sense what she needed and what was happening. That’s something that rarely happens. There’s a select few amount of people that understand Maria. And the number is much less for which people are willing to try and help her; Maria has a tendency to not take help very well.

“If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.” Maria knocks back. No matter what Kayla said, that’s a classic pun and deserves to be heard. 

“Some more creativity, please. Everyone already knows that one.” Natalie knocks back. Maria knows what she’s doing: Natalie is giving her an out. Natalie’s leaving it up to Maria to decide if she wants to talk about what happened. Maria knows that Natalie isn’t stupid. Natalie probably knew that Maria was trying to push her away and her panic attack probably helped her confirm what she thought. On the other side though, people don’t typically know what’s happening unless they’ve been through it themselves, which means Natalie might be in a position that could really help Maria. 

And so instead of continuing the conversation down a path on sarcasm and jokes, Maria decides to knock on the door, “thank you.” It’s not much, but she’s trying to tell Natalie that she was right without out rightly telling her. Because maybe Natalie doesn’t want to talk about it.

But there are no immediate knocks back, until Maria hears, “You’ve already helped me. It’s my turn.” Maria lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. For some reason she really cares what Natalie thinks and for once in her life she actually does want to talk about this with someone.

The knocks go on, “I shouldn’t have pressed too hard. It’s just that I’ve been alone for years of my life, and I mean more than the year I’ve been in this cell. I didn’t want to lose someone. Plus, I needed to demonstrate that I am superior in all joke telling manners.” Just as Maria thought, Natalie is going through the same things she has. Although Natalie has been stuck in here longer than she has, Maria can see that she has found a better way of coping with it than her current plan of pushing people away.

Maria knocks back, “I’m not very good at the keeping people close thing. I’ve tried, it doesn’t usually end well.”

“It helps when you have people who force you into their lives. It seems like everyone knows better than me and it’s taken a while to finally accept that sometimes they really do.”

“I have a few people like that in my life, but so far I’ve been pretty good at keeping them out.”

“You really wouldn’t have liked the Decimation then, it practically forced people to be with others. Too much trauma to be on your own, and let me assure you that that really means something coming from me.”

“I just have a habit of being bad luck to be around. That and my less than great personality really hits me hard in the friends department.”

“Hold on there, if your personality is made off of sarcasm and bad jokes then I ask you kindly rethink that. Because that’s what makes up my personality and I’m not here to get slandered like that.”

“Maybe it works for you.”

“I think it works for you too.” Maria’s heart picks up a little. She hasn’t felt this way in a while. And even with the nightmares and the flashbacks and being held hostage by aliens, it’s probably the scariest thing she’s felt today. The only thing that’s scarier at this moment is the thought of not having Natalie here. It feels like such a whiplash from earlier. Maria honestly thinks the whole time will be constant whiplash of wanting Natalie so close and wanting her as far away from herself as possible. But right now Maria wishes there were no wall. Maria wishes she could see Natalie for herself. Maria wishes she could finally see what Natalie looks like and replace the image of her high school nightmare with Natalie: her Natalie. She wants to be that person that Natalie needs.

“Maria? Are you there?” Maria’s zoned out again, making as many silent promises as she can to Natalie.

“Always,” Maria taps back. This time she really means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my laptop died and stayed dead. But everything's all good now and I'll have the next chapter out by tomorrow!


	6. The Hero Traveling North & Everything Else Going South

Natasha never thought she would have anyone to talk to. This one isn’t even based solely on what happened to her in the Red Room, this is more based in life outside the Red Room. Because she never needed to tell any of the Red Room girls any of her troubles because they had them too. No, this was a S.H.I.E.L.D problem.

During deprogramming she was sent to both scientists and psychologists. And although she hadn’t liked being poked and prodded by the medical staff, they were usually efficient and distant, just like her. Natasha was just another nameless face to them. She ran when they said to run. She stood up when they said to stand, things like that. Natasha could follow commands.

She hated anything they did with her brain.

She hated when they would poke around for triggers. Months were spent going over every single word or phrase, trying to cover all bases. 

But at least that was better than psych. The first person she was sent to, not even a full day after she was taken by S.H.I.E.L.D, was the worst. Natasha doesn’t know how she was working at S.H.I.L.E.D. Natasha only said she was taken to the Red Room at around maybe three years old before she could see that look in her eyes. 

Natasha hates that look: when a person’s eyes get a little bigger, yet they still look a little like they’re squinting. Sometimes the eyes also get a little misty, like they’re building up to a cry. The mouth purses a little bit, the ends just barely turned down. The nostrils flare up just a tad. That look of pity. It’s always followed up sooner or later with a “I’m so sorry.” Which Natasha never got, what are they sorry for? It’s not like they were there. And even if they were there, that wouldn’t have helped her, honestly it would’ve probably made the situation worse.

Natasha hates pity. Pity weakens. Pity is both a sign of weakness for the person displaying it and the person it’s aimed at. Pity is used to form a bond between two people; it’s a show of sympathy and righteousness. Screw their righteousness and sympathy. They don’t do it because they actually feel something for her, I mean how could they, people don’t stay in her life enough to actually know her. No, people pity because it’s what society tells them they should do. Natasha doesn’t care about their precious society and their forced bonds.

Natasha didn’t want a bond with this person. This person was trying to force a bond on her and she didn’t want it. Natasha was always forced into things, and now that she wasn’t in the Red Room she should be able to do what she wanted and finally have control over her own damn life. She could pick people in her life now and she did not want to pick this dense sympathizer. 

So Natasha lied then and she lies now. Well maybe she doesn’t lie, but she puts a happy spin on things. She just barely grazes the top of the things that happened in the Red Room. It helped that she has things labeled in categories in her mind of her Red Room experience. There are two categories: worse and worser. All the neutral things have been erased in order to save space and time. Something that fell in the worse category would be starved or burned after a mission gone FUBAR. And of course in the worser was having to eliminate the girls one by one or killing her family. 

So no, she didn’t even touch those. Instead she described a normal memory she keeps in place for all the ones she’s pushed to the side.

She described being trained for years and then sent out on a mission to kill whomever the Red Room desired of her. Very typical. But even stripped to the basics, it sometimes proved too much for the therapist to handle.

She looked Natasha in the eyes and she could see the words beginning to form on her lips: “I’m so sorry.” She then reached to grab Natasha’s hand. Natasha slapped her hands away and stood up. 

“We’re done for today.”

The next day there was a new person. They only difference over the years was Natasha has learned to refrain from slapping people.

Every single time she tells the same generic story: she was taken when she was three and then trained and then killed people. She tells them about how they started with many but she’s the only one left. She tells them that she broke from their trance enough to fight back and get away and then went freelance and then ended up in SHIELD. She doesn’t tell them what the final breaking point was. 

They could probably guess what it was, not every day does a school get burned to the ground with all the people inside of it. But what they don’t know is the kid. The kid that managed to get out. 

Natasha didn’t know how he got out because she locked everything pretty securely, but he did. And she saw him. He was no more than seven, so small with little glasses on. And he was on fire. 

He was screaming in pain as his clothes burned off his body and the ash mixed with his skin. He looked at Natasha and for a second he stopped crying. That was until he started screaming, “Mama! Mama!” He ran to her. Natasha could’ve easily out run him but she stayed put. He was so small. And he was on fire.

He reached her and cried out, “Mama, why does it hurt? Mama, was I bad? Why do I hurt? What’s happening, Mama?”

“No, you weren’t bad,” Natasha whispered, staring at his little boy on fire, melting before her very eyes. She could see herself in the Red Room wondering the same things whenever they would punish the girls for doing nothing. The Madames just wanted them to understand what a punishment would feel like early on so that the girls would never do anything to warrant a punishment in the future.

Natasha was the Red Room. She became the Red Room. She gave in and became an extension of who they were; she wasn’t her own person. To be forced into being someone else was weak and Natasha wasn’t weak.

Natasha bent down to the boy any wrapped him in her arms, covering his body. The fire burned her but she didn’t scream out; she’s felt this pain before. And so Natasha smothered the fire with her body. 

“You did nothing wrong,” Natasha whispered again to the boy now carefully wrapped in her arms. But Natasha acted too late and all the boy could respond with was his labored breathing that was getting worse. This was just one child, there were hundreds more in that school.

It only took a few more minutes to pass before the boy stilled in her arms. Natasha laid him gently on the ground and placed her jacket over his burned body.

Natasha kissed his forehead and in a broken voiced softly said, “Fly high my strong little angel.” And with that she sprang off the ground to run to the school. Maybe there was a chance she could still save them.

Natasha only got a few feet away from the boy before the school exploded. The fire finally reacted with the gas and now the flaming pieces of the building were hurdling towards Natasha. She was caught off guard and she could feel the fire against her stomach where the boy just was. A chunk of concrete smashed into her shoulder and she fell down. Her left arm was now just hanging limp by her side. She was still lying under a slab of the building, just looking at what she caused.

The school was decimated, in its place was nothing but rubble and fires. She killed them. She killed them all. Natasha heard the sound of footsteps approaching. 

Her handle, Ivan, called out, “Natalia, you weren’t supposed to stay near the building, you stupid bitch! Get up from the ground! Why is your jacket on the ground? Were you thinking Madame would replace it for you, selfish girl?”

Natasha looked over to see Ivan bend down to grab her jacket off the boy’s body. Once he was standing back up, he kicked the boy’s boy to the side. 

“Let’s go, bitch, hurry up!” Ivan yelled, but Natasha didn’t move. She was too busy staring at the boy. The boy who didn’t deserve to die. The boy she killed. The boy whose body Ivan sent rolling.

“I said get up!” Ivan shouted and yanked her right arm. On the ground, Natasha was then face to face with the boot that kicked the boy. The boot that kicked him as easily as if it were kicking a soccer ball. 

Natasha snapped. She grabbed Ivan’s arm and threw him head first into the concrete that crushed her arm. She stared at his lifeless form and then made her way over to the boy. She once again placed the jacket over him. 

Then she ran.

Natasha ran to the one safe house she had that the Red Room didn’t know about. She hid there for a few weeks as she planned her next plan of action.

Two months after the school was burned, Natasha returned to the Red Room. She returned with gasoline and a flamethrower. She burned the Red Room the same way she burned the school, only this time she didn’t stick around. The Red Room was already a hell; Natasha was just making the outside imagine fit the inside.

So no, none of any of Natasha’s psychiatrists knew that story. If they ever asked she would lie. 

Natasha tried sometimes talking about her past with friends. Clint knew a little about what she went through, but she only really told him the parts that lined up with his past. It made sense that way, tit for tat and all that. Natasha figured that if she stuck with the parts that were similar there wouldn’t be any pitying because Clint would know what it felt like to be pitied for the same thing. 

She did things almost the same way with Banner, except Natasha was trying exceptionally hard to open up there. Spending the night with Clint’s perfect family after having all of her worst memories pop up really sent her wheeling. And so she turned to Banner, because once again he was a person who was going through roughly something of the same thing. But then he left. She opened up as best as she could and he still just left. Everyone told her for all of her time at S.H.I.E.L.D that if she ever opened up to a person they wouldn’t leave her. But he did. And then Clint left.

Everyone leaves her, because she needs to face the facts, she’s a lost cause. She isn’t worth the time to know.

But now things are different. Now she’s not such a lost cause. She’s not a waste of time because they have all the time in the world. She and Maria are probably going to be stuck in this cell for the rest of their lives. But suddenly, Natasha is strangely okay with that. Because maybe all those therapists had a point, talking to someone is really nice.

Of course Natasha doesn’t spell out every single detail, they both don’t say exactly what happened to them. But they’re able to share the feelings that happened during those events, which really is the problem. Because the event is past, but those feelings are present. 

Not once does Maria knock to her an “I’m sorry.” 

It’s nice to finally have someone to talk to, being alone for over a year has really messed with Natasha’s head and it feels so good to have a crack at reversing that damage.

They don’t only talk about shared trauma, no they talk about everything. Natasha gets her caught up on the two years that happened after the Decimation and she in turn gets the two second glimpse into what was happening once it was reversed and what it felt like to turn to dust. 

Natasha’s foot is very grateful to have Maria here, because she hasn’t tried to kick the glass since her arrival. 

Sure Natasha still wants to escape, but that’s been put on the back burner for now. Everyone always told her that she should take a break, but Natasha always believed that taking a break would do more harm than good. But right now it seems like that’s just what she needed. 

One day Natasha even decides to move her bed over to that wall after the many times she fell asleep on the ground. She even successfully got Maria to do the same as well. 

Natasha isn’t sure how much time has passed with Maria, it feels both like so little and so much. She’s been encouraged to stop trying to erase her memories. Not that Natasha would try to forget these ones anyway, because she doesn’t want to forget a thing that Maria has said to her. She finds it important to know that Maria hates pizza but loves burgers. Or that she’s a little lactose intolerant but thinks strawberry milkshakes are the best things in the world. 

And in return Natasha tells her that she loves spicy food, especially since she had nothing but her friend’s—who is Steve, but she doesn’t mention being on the run with Captain America—cooking for a year, which consisted solely of unseasoned chicken breasts. 

Natasha tells her about her cat Liho who she lost to the Decimation and then Maria tells her about the stray dog she looked after when she was a kid. 

And so they just continued on, sharing little bits of pieces about themselves to each other. The fact that they were trapped in a cell was never really brought up.

Well it wasn’t, until Maria asks, “How does your food look?”

“Like normal?” Natasha isn’t sure where Maria is going with this, the food has been the same ever since she got here.

“My plate is broken.”

“Maybe someone dropped it.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m not following you at all.”

“Someone dropped it onto the table.”

“So they’re getting lazy?”

“Why would someone just drop a plate on a table?”

“Because they’re lazy?”

“This plate is pretty strong.”

“Okay and?”

“The drop would need to be much higher than the height of the aliens in order to break.”

“So you’re saying…”

“It had to come from the ceiling, yes.”

“Which means there could be a way out in the ceiling? I thought you checked the ceiling?”

“It was too high for me to reach, and what I could reach felt pretty solid. What do you know about the table, is it always placed in the same space?”

“I’ve only moved it once, but I think it came back replaced in the same place.”

“Okay let’s move them and if they’re put back in the same place then assume there’s some kind of an exit hatch above the table.”

And with that Natasha rushes to the table. Was this really the solution all along? Was the way to get out right under her nose? Natasha doesn’t know what to feel. Is she feeling hope? Sadness? Frustration? 

It’s weird, for the couple of months that Maria’s been with her, she’s been able to choose her emotions. She was the one in control of what she said, what memories she shared, what emotions to share. The emotions were as routine as everything else she did. 

Of course there was that little emotion that she couldn’t control sometimes. The little flutter that happened in her chest whenever Maria first says something after they wake up, a comfortable reminder that she’s still here. Or the way she’ll sometimes catch herself leaning against the wall with a lazy smile on her face, one arm clutching at her shoulder, whenever Maria gets really excited about something and knocks nonstop. Or when she looks at herself in the mirror after laughing at a joke Maria’s said to find her eyes glowing a bit too bright. 

But even though those emotions, whatever they are because Natasha refuses to think about them for too long, that keep growing stronger every day, once started out slow. 

Unlike these emotions of hope and frustration which are hitting her like a freight train all at once.

Natasha places her two hands on the table and looks down at it. This table can be the answer she’s been looking for. This table could be it. Natasha takes a deep breath, trying to squelch the new emotions building up and picks up the table. She doesn’t move it too far, just half way across the room, but far away enough to where she’d know if it’s moved.

Natasha moves back to their shared wall and asks, “So what happens if this is what we think it is.”

She hears in return: “Then we get out. I was thinking about putting the chair on top of the table so that we’re closer to the ceiling and will have more strength to push open whatever it is.”

“We should probably do it at the same time, I doubt they’ll sit by and let us both escape.”

“So we count to ten and then put the chair on the table and see each other on the other side?”

“That’s what I was thinking. Maybe we could just keep going north?”

“What’s north?”

“Your right, my left.”

“Works for me.”

There was some silence.

“Hey, Maria.”

“Yes, Natalie?”

“What if we’re wrong?”

“Then we’ll find a different way.”

“It took us this long just to find this way and that’s just because someone screwed up and dropped a plate.”

“We’ll find a way, Nat.” Natasha’s insides do that stupid little flutter thing whenever Maria calls her Nat. It’s probably because that Nat’s kind of her actual name instead of Natalie. Yeah, that’s it.

Natasha leaves it at that and they move on to a different topic. 

After Maria does their goodnight knock, Natasha lies in her bed looking up at the florescent ceiling. The aliens haven’t yet released the chemicals to make them pass out and Natasha is having a hard time going to sleep. Her mind is too caught up on all the things she pushed aside earlier this day. 

Natasha is worried. She doesn’t get scared, but she gets rationally worried. She can’t help but wonder what it would be like to actually break out of this place and go back home. What will her friends think? What if they were better off without her? 

And then there’s Maria. Maria who’s made her way into Natasha’s life. Where does Maria fit into all this? Can Natasha fit her into her life on Earth? It’s impossible, dragging a civilian into her line of work is the best way to get them killed. And that’s even saying if Maria still wants her around. Usually people don’t want her around after she’s helped them. 

What if being on the outside changes them? Natasha has never felt this close with anyone and that might not be because of the person, but because of the circumstance. Back on Earth Natasha is busy and works all day, she doesn’t have time to sit and talk about her feelings. Maybe Maria isn’t special, the cell is. Heck, the cell pumps chemicals into her so that she sleeps, maybe they’re pumping chemicals into her to make her like Maria. It could happen. Natasha’s not overthinking at all. 

For once Natasha welcomes the dizzying feeling of the sleeping drugs. The chatter in her mind begins to fade away and she can finally drift into sleep.

Natasha’s green eyes open to the lights. This could be it. This could be the last time Natasha wakes up in this cell. Natasha takes a deep breath and looks over in the direction of the table. It’s moved to its usual spot. She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

So that’s it. They were right. Natasha sits on the bed, staring at the table until she hears Maria.

“My table is moved back, what about yours?” Maria asks straight to the point, not even giving their patented good morning knock. It’s a confirmation that everything’s about to change. The couple of months that Natasha has gotten used to are coming to an end. 

Natasha finally snaps back into focus and replies, “Same here. When should we get this going?”

“Well it’s not like I have any other plans today. Now’s as good a time for me as any.”

“What a coincidence, now works for me too. On the count of ten?”

“Wait, not NOW now. We have to hash things out first; I need to make sure your brain didn’t get fried somehow last night.”

“I’m glad you think so highly of me.”

“Hush. After we start the countdown, we have ten seconds to place the chair on the table. Then we step on the chair and push as hard as we can. If the ceiling opens up, we get out and head north to meet up.”

“But what if we don’t meet up?”

“What do you mean, we’ll meet up. I won’t leave this place without you. Kind of hoping you feel the same.”

“You don’t even know what I look like.”

“Then we’ll have a sign, so I know it’s the real you and you know it’s the real me. Or you know, we could have codenames.”

“Why do I have a feeling like you’ve already picked them out?”

“Okay here me out. I’m Shrek. You’re Donkey.”

“Bitch, I’m Shrek, you’re the one in my swamp! I was here first! Plus, Donkey has bad jokes and that’s all you. I’m Shrek.”

“Okay but Donkey is short and you’re probably like what, five feet tall?”

“I’m a normal height for a normal person, not all of us can be giraffes! I was the one who even thought of Shrek in the first place. It took you through the entire chorus before you even knew the lyrics. Meanwhile Shrek was my main instinct.”

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“You can be Shrek, Shrek.”

“Thank you, Donkey, knew I liked you for a reason. What a noble steed you are.”

“I’m already regretting this. Are you ready to make our quest now?”

“You’re such a dork.”

“I’m going to take that as a yes.”

“I’m ready, time start’s now.”

One one thousand.

Natasha gets up off the ground.

Two one thousand.

Natasha walks normally to the table. 

Three one thousand.

She can’t race to the table in case they’re watching.

Four one thousand.

Natasha reaches the table.

Five one thousand.

Natasha takes a quick sip of the water at the table.

Six one thousand.

Natasha puts the cup on the ground.

Seven one thousand.

Natasha puts the plate on the ground.

Eight one thousand.

Natasha grabs the chair from near the table, the chair she hasn’t touched since her first day here.

Nine one thousand.

Natasha puts the chair on the middle of the table.

Ten one thousand.

Natasha quickly jumps onto the table and steps onto the chair. She’s glad they upgraded her chair, this one is much sturdier, it doesn’t even wobble. She puts her other foot on the chair and stands almost all the way up. The ceiling keeps her from straightening her back all the way. She places both her hands on the cool glass ceiling and pushes as hard as she can.   
At first she thinks nothing is happening, she’s just pushing on glass. Were they wrong? But then it moves just a little. And then a little turns into a lot. With a surge of strength, Natasha completely pushes the hatch open. Just her head is able to look out. 

She looks around the room. It must be a control room, probably where they control the lights and temperature and of course her favorite: the sleeping drugs. The green creature at the panels looks down at her. It’s unarmed, but the glance it has to the other side of the room tells Natasha that it won’t be the case for that long.

Natasha puts her hands on the sides of the hatch and throws the rest of her body into the small room. The creature is rushing to reach the other side and Natasha grabs its ankle. The alien hits Natasha’s hands, trying to escape. Natasha tightens her grip and shifts positions so that she’s closer to the door. The alien curls up to strike at her stomach and she uses that moment to let go of its ankle and grab its leg and back. Now fully holding the struggling alien, Natasha drops it down the hatch. She can hear the crash of the table and chair below. Natasha closes the hatch and considers her options now. 

She can either run out the door or she can shimmy her way in the air duct she saw above the controls. And there’s nothing Natasha loves more than a good air duct. She and Clint would essentialaly live in those during her first years at S.H.I.E.L.D. And now Natasha is convinced that running out the door isn’t the best move. This place seems confined and the moment that the other aliens realize that something is wrong, they’re bound to come after her that way and she might be trapped. And if she travels through the air ducts, she can try and scope out the rest of the place undetected. The cherry on top is that the air duct is going north, going to Maria.

With her mind made up, Natasha jumps onto the panel and takes off the vent’s screen. She steps into the vent and closes the door behind her. 

She’s only spent a little ways in the vent before she hears an alarm go off, no doubt that it’s aimed at her. She begins to speed up her crawl.

It’s just a normal duct, the familiar cool, grey metal surrounds her. It’s almost disappointing how mundane it is, honestly Natasha excepted something better for an advanced alien society but whatever. As she mentioned before, their interior decorating could really use some work.

There doesn’t seem to be much light in the duct, Natasha’s past the point where the light from where she came can be seen. She’s been in the ducts for a little bit now and she hasn’t seen any other paths to take except for straight. The duct just seems to travel in a long, straight path. 

After a while she finally reaches her first choice of tunnels to take: left or straight. This one was easy, Natasha keeps continuing straight to north. But at one point she reaches a turn where she can only go left or right. She figures right is her best bet to get to Maria. She takes the right.  
Luckily not long after that she has the chance to take a left and straighten herself out again. Now Natasha can see a light, and where there’s a light, there’s a way out. She speeds up in anticipation.

Her hyper fixation on the light means she isn’t paying as much attention as she normally would to her surroundings. If she were, she would’ve noticed that the next panel she crawled on was a little wobbly. And she still doesn’t notice until she put most of her weight on it. She can feel it starting to give out underneath her and her legs are too far over to pull herself up. The entire panel gives way and she’s now falling face first to the ground below. 

Natasha manages to position herself a little in the air while falling, so that she doesn’t fall flat on her face, but it’s in no way a graceful landing. 

Natasha picks herself up off the ground and looks around at the room. It almost looks like a garage with the mechanical pieces lying around, not to mention the small space craft in front of her. 

Natasha is about to get up when she hears a loud “FUCK” and a crash to her right. Something fell out of the same ducts onto a pile of boxes and parts, sending metal pieces flying everywhere and burying whatever it was beneath them. Natasha immediately gets ready to fight whoever is here, but then thinks for a second. What other dumbass would be falling from the air ducts in an alien prison?

“Donkey?” Natasha hesitantly asks.

“Shrek?” the figure calls out. And why does Natasha feel like she knows that voice? Is that? No, there’s no fucking way that Donkey is—

The sounds of foots steps next to her has Natasha snapping her attention to the next problem. She looks up at the black boots in front of her to see…

Nick Fury?

“Well shit, I guess that makes me motherfucking Princess Fiona.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Shrek references have returned.


	7. Finding the Myths in the Stars & Hiding the Truths in the Logic

Maria feels like she’s back in New York recovering from the dust. That’s the only time she was as confused as she is now. She doesn’t even know where to start.

Natalie, her Natalie, is Natasha Romanoff. Natasha Romanoff, codename Black Widow. Formerly Agent Romanoff. Formerly Natalia Romanova. And currently--formerly?-- they’re not on great terms. Or at least that was the case before the Decimation. 

Maria has just wasted months of her life, or more accurate, Romanoff stole months of her life. She can’t believe this. Fuck, why was she so trusting? She spilled her entire self to Romanoff and in return she never even told Maria her real name. Maria wouldn’t have put it past Romanoff to have known it was her since the very beginning. It would be in character of Romanoff to take advantage of people like that. Leave if to Romanoff to always play dirty to have the upper hand without you even knowing. 

Which is exactly why Maria has wanted nothing more than to be far away as possible from Romanoff for the past years. She’s hardly interacted with her since the Accords, save for the one disaster of a time. This is the first time she’s seen her in person since then.

And then Fury? What in the hell is Fury doing here? Has he been here the whole time? Where was he being kept? He sure looks better than they do. It doesn’t look like a single hair is out of place.

“Hill, get your head back down from those clouds and get yourself together. I don’t have time for this bullshit.”

“Time before what, sir?”

“I know you’re not that dense or you never would’ve been my Second. We don’t have much time before the skrulls realize where you went. And it was already about damn time that you two got out of those hamster cages. I expected more from my top two agents. It took me making a surprise visit to the control rooms and making them drop a plate for you two to notice something. Honestly, even a level one agent could’ve put it together faster. Especially you, Romanoff, you didn’t think to check the ceiling in your three years of being here?”

“Three years?” Maria’s eyes fly to look at Romanoff. It’s the first time she’s spoken since they found each other. 

“They said you’ve been in here for three years by the time we got here and it’s been a year since then. It’s almost 2025 now.” Maria feels like she’s been slapped. 2025. The last time she’s spent more than half an hour on earth was 2018. Seven years. She’s been gone for almost seven years. 

“I need you both to stay with me now. You have all the time in the world to talk about time and shit later once you’re off this damn ship.”

“Sounds like you don’t plan on coming with us.” Romanoff remarks, beating Maria to be the first one to snap out of the spiral.

“Talos, the leader of the skrulls, wants me here. Why he does I’m not so sure. I think he knows that my eye can see straight into everyone’s damn business. He’s planning something and so far no one either knows what he’s up to or no one is inclined to tell. I can only see what he’s allowing me to see. So far he’s not been too demanding, and me staying here would keep the peace better. I’d also like to know firsthand what he’s up to.”

“What do you want us to do, sir?” Romanoff rolls her eyes at Maria’s consistent use of formality. Not like it would hurt Romanoff to use some sense of formality when she speaks. Communicating with her is like talking to a tempered teenager. 

“I have the code for accessing that ship in front of us. It should have everything you need for returning to earth, after that, I’m sure you can think of something. You know who to contact.”

“Does the ship fly itself because the Red Room offered a weak course selection in learning how to drive a space craft.” Romanoff quips. Leave it to Romanoff to be making a joke in a time like this.

“I believe it’s nothing that Hill isn’t too unfamiliar with.”

“You can drive space ships now?” Romanoff quirks an eyebrow at Maria with her grating sarcastic tone.

“Add it to the list of things I can do better.” Two can play at this game. And it might have been years since they started this competition but Maria will be damned if Romanoff’s pompous ass questions her skills one more time.

Romanoff looks like she’s about to say something in response before Fury cuts her off, “Both of you motherfuckers need to shut the hell up and focus. You both need to work together on this damn mission. Put away your petty disputes and look at the bigger picture here. There’s no time for the both of you to act like dipshit children.”

And with that, Fury walks to the front door of the ship and starts drawing lines and shapes on the keypad. After a few swipes of his hand, the door to the ship opens with a swoosh.

“Now this is a standard escape pod, so it will have enough juice to take you to Earth but there are no guns on it. Your plan of attack is to dodge the hell out of everything, Hill.”

“Sir, I don’t care how good you think we are, but it’s been seven years, I don’t know anything that’s happening on Earth, much less the universe. I need more information to work with. What comes after arriving on Earth?”

Maria’s request to talking about it more falls dead on her tongue after the sound of a door opening comes from the front of the room. The steady pace of many footsteps follow shortly after. Information is going to have to wait, they have company. 

“Just get in the damn pod before we’re both blown to bits, Hill!” Romanoff hisses out as she pushes past Maria to get into the pod.

“You and I both know you’re capable of working without much, Hill, give yourself some more credit.”

“Yes, sir.” Maria nods and ducks into the pod. She sits down in the seat, awaiting more instructions from Fury. She can tell from his face that he has more to tell them, and it’s something that he isn’t looking forward to share. And if Fury doesn’t want to tell them it, but has to, it must be important.

“How do we even start this thing?” Romanoff grumbles out loud and starts to fiddle with the controls. Which she really shouldn’t do, she could press something that ends with them both crashing. Leave it to Romanoff to be impatient enough that she’d rather die than wait a few seconds.

Maria slaps her hands away from the control and gestures to the two blue buttons near the gear shift, “You just have to hold down these two buttons. Now don’t touch anything and let me handle this.”

“What are you waiting for, Hill? We have to go now. You may fully be content on being roasted alive again by their guns, but I’d like to get back to Earth looking better than a cooked chicken.”

“Just hold on for one fucking second, Fury’s not done talking to us!”

“He’s already starting to walk away, it’s time to fucking go! Besides I really don’t care what Fury’s doing right now because he’s not the one who’ll get fried if they find us.”

And with that Romanoff pushes the two buttons.

“Stop, we can’t go yet!” Maria shouts and yanks Romanoff’s hand off the controls, but it’s too late. The pod starts to spring to life and begins flashing.

If Maria didn’t have enough to worry about with trying to make sure everything was okay with lift off, Fury begins to speak to them again. It looks like he’s finally getting around to telling them what information he’s been holding back. Of course he decides to finally tell them something once the door is beginning to close

“The battle with Thanos is over and Stark-” The door shuts completely, cutting off all sound they could hear from Fury’s mouth.

“See what you did, Romanoff! One second! You couldn’t have waited one second!”

“Fury told us what we already knew, Thanos is dead, so what? It wasn’t that shocking of news!”

“He wasn’t done speaking, there was more after that!”

“He was probably going to tell us to go to Stark for more answers, which I was already planning on doing. Just because you’re a robot that has to be spoon fed instructions in order to function, doesn’t mean I am.”

“Says the person who was stuck in a cell for five years! All you had to do was check the damn ceiling! There was literally an escape hatch in the cell.”

“We’re really starting on this again? If I recall correctly, you were there too.”

“Yeah, only for one year and with a severe concussion for the first couple of months! Not to mention my right side was burned so bad that I had no feeling but pain in it from the time I got there until just a few months ago! I still don’t have the same range of motion with my right arm. It was practically useless the entire time I was in there!”

“I’ve fought dozens of people with way worse injuries!”

“Are we seriously getting in a fucking trauma off right now!”

“I-” 

Maria interrupts whatever bullshit was about to spew out of her large mouth, “Just shut up and get ready to be launched, I think we’re taking off now.”

“Well it’s a good thing I started it when I did because it looks like we have company.” As if on cue, the pod gets rattled and nearly tips over.

“Can you by any chance stop looking so happy that we’re being attacked right now?” Maria rolls her eyes and gets ready to throw the clutch into max speed once the wheels finally unlock and the door to the outside opens all the way.

Romanoff just turns towards her and gives a wink. Guess that’s a no then. Shocking.

The light runs blue for takeoff and Maria slams the lever forward, sending them hurdling across the short exit ramp and out the door into space. 

“Fuck!” Romanoff shouts as the force slams her back into her seat. Maria grins; that’ll shut her up for a little bit. 

Besides the inevitable rocky start of the takeoff, things are going pretty smoothly. Maria’s definitely flown in worse conditions. She’s really forgotten how pretty space is. All the stars and darkness mixed with light. It’s really quite gorgeous, but maybe that’s just because it’s the first thing she’s seen outside of a prison. She’s sure even Chicago would look pretty to her if it were the first thing she saw.

“How are you enjoying this?” Romanoff gags, not used to space travel. All the more reason for Maria to enjoy it.

“First time in space?” Maria grins.

“Like I said, the Red Room didn’t exactly offer this elective.” Romanoff grumbles, her hands gripping onto seat so hard that her knuckles are white. 

“You’ve been on the Helicarrier.” Maria points out.

“That thing wasn’t whipping through space with enough g-force to make me vomit.” Romanoff groans, her eyes almost turning back into her head.

“Face away from me then.” Maria takes a hand off the steering controls to swivel Romanoff’s head away from her.

“You’d think the Red Room’s serum would prevent me from feeling nauseous. That would’ve been a lot more useful than some of its other features.”

“Poor baby.” Maria coos and shakes her head in mock sympathy. 

“Are you sure this thing doesn’t have any weapons?” Romanoff asks, changing the topic.

“I’m pretty sure that Fury’s right and this is just an escape pod, so it should only be able to drive and that’s about it. What were you planning on destroying?”

“Just those three space ships coming after us with their own blasters.” Romanoff huffs, gesturing out the window.

“Fuck.” Maria curses and looks back to see that Romanoff wasn’t lying, there are three ship coming out of the main skrull ship to come get them.

“How the fuck are we going to get out of this with no weapons?” Romanoff groans. “My body got shot through space just for these ships to blow us up.”

“I would think that you would know more than anyone that someone doesn’t need the bigger weapon to win.” Maria quips.

“Is there a compliment in there somewhere, Hill? I’m flattered.” Romanoff smiles, but then immediately clutches her stomach and gags. She better not throw up in this pod. That smell will be trapped in here until they get to Earth.

“I’m just saying you should stop underestimating me.” Maria grumbles. “Just hold on and don’t vomit on the upholstery!”

“No promises.” Romanoff chokes out. She begins to curl her body into a small ball with her hands clutching the seat straps as much as she can. 

The first ship fires its blaster and Maria jerks the pod to the left. The second one fires to the left and Maria forces it back to the right. However, the third one fires to the right and hits a little bit of the side, sending their pod spinning a little. Thankfully Romanoff seems too focused on trying not to vomit that she doesn’t make any remarks about Maria’s driving.

Maria flies up and then down and then to the side, just trying to fly in enough random patterns that won’t get them blasted. But with three against one, the odds aren’t in her favor, and their pod is hit again. If Maria keeps trying to avoid all three of their blasters, there’s no way they’re making it to their destination. She needs to get rid of these ships. 

Maria jerks the pod up and sets the speed as fast as it can go while zig zagging straight at the three ships.

“What are you doing?” Romanoff shouts at her. “You’re going to get us killed, you lunatic! We don’t have guns! They have three!”

“I know what I’m doing!” Maria counters. Last thing she needs is Romanoff throwing off her focus. Honestly just for that, Maria twirls the ship in a complete 360.

“Oh gods.” Romanoff gags and covers her mouth with her hands. Maria smirks. That should keep her focus. 

The three ships begin their firing again. Maria drives the ship down before it can get hit, so that now it’s on the same plane as the first ship in front of her. She aims right for the ship, but pulls the pod to the side, right before the two can crash. Someone in the second ship isn’t thinking too well because they tried to blast her in front of the ship. Instead, they end up hitting the first ship head on, sending it spiraling out of control. It spins over and over until it overheats and explodes, the blast sending their little pod right at the two ships remaining. 

The third ship fires at them and Maria only has enough control to get out of some of the blast, but their pod gets shaken even more. By now the lights are flashing nonstop on the controls and an alarm somewhere in the pod is screaming at them. More of these hits will ground their pod for sure. 

Maria grits her teeth and tries weaving in and out of the two ships, hoping one will eventually hit the other.

One fires and hits both her and the other ship, sending their pod flying back. Once Maria gains control of their flight again, she sees that the other ship took most of the damage. It’s starting to catch fire like the other one that was hit. She sends their pod straight at it.

“Are you crazy?” Romanoff shouts from her seat. “That ship is about to blow! Get us out of here! Don’t fly at the exploding ship!”

“The explosion’s what I’m counting on.” Maria states and shoots their pod directly at the destroyed ship at max speed. The other ship sees her going to the flaming ship and starts to fly there too. With the destroyed ship in-between their pod and the last ship, the other ship’s blasters are blocked from reaching them. Maria takes that opportunity to ram directly into the damaged ship, sending it flying at the last ship. Maria keeps pushing it until she feels the jolt of the pod and ship hitting the last one. 

The fire that began in the damaged ship has now completely spread around it, sending pieces flying everywhere. It’s about to blow. Maria shoots the pod as fast as it will go away from the fires. They don’t get too far before the ship explodes, causing the last ship to explode as well. The combined blast sends their pod spinning out of control through space. 

The alarms seem to be screaming even more now and Maria tries to get control of the ship, but to no avail. They’re shooting aimlessly through space.

“Hill, I swear you better stop this damn thing from turning!” Romanoff demands. Like she’s the one to be making demands right now. She can barely keep her stomach from sending up all its contents.

“The steering isn’t working.” Maria simply states, “I think something was knocked loose. I’m going to have to open up the control panel.”

“Well no one here is stopping you!” Maria rolls her eyes and tries to find a hatch where the controls open up. Fixing space ships is oddly enough like fixing cars. All she needs to do is pop the hood open and look around. Unfortunately, it’s not like she has any tools. Anything requiring more work than just putting some wires back in place can’t be done.

Maria find the switch and pops open the control panel.

“Well?” Romanoff not so helpful supplies. She really is just an overgrown impatient toddler.

Maria takes a deep breath to refrain from snapping at her, and instead focuses on finding what’s wrong. Everything looks to be fine. Then Maria spots a section where the gears have stopped working. One of the gears popped out, stopping the whole thing. Maria jams the loose gear back in and hopes that it’ll start back up again. If that’s not it then they’re screwed. 

At first there’s no change, but then the machine slowly begins to work again.

“Thank gods.” Maria breathes out and slams the hood of the controls closed. Maria holds in the two buttons, restarting the pod, and finally the alarms stop blaring. With Maria back in control, the pod stops spinning and the ride smooths out. Which unfortunately means Romanoff is able to talk again.

“Since when did you know how to drive space crafts?” 

“Since when do you care?” Maria fires back.

“Fine, forget I asked then.” Romanoff sighs and looks straight out the window. This is the first time Maria can finally hear the sweet sound of silence. 

Maria presses the button under the steering and a map of the galaxy pops up. It looks like they’re in the Decalcomanie Galaxy, which means it’s maybe a 40-hour flight until they reach earth. Possibly less if they go fast enough. Maria decides not to tell Romanoff how long their flight will be, the last thing she needs is to hear complaining about how long it is. 

Maria flicks off the map for now and turns on the auto pilot. It’s a smooth course from here. Maria takes off the straps on her chair and leans it back. With some quiet she can now go back to staring out in space. 

The two of them stay just like that for a few hours, just staring out in front of them. 

That is until Romanoff quietly asks, “Is there a bathroom on this thing?”

“There should be a small room behind us with a waste dispenser. That might be the best you’re going to get.”

Romanoff nods and undoes the straps on her chair. She gets up and walks to the back. Maria hears the whooshing sound of a door opening and closing. Maria focuses her attention back on the passing stars in front of her, allowing her mind to quiet and roam a little.

Maria doesn’t know how long she’s been zoned out before she hears a bang coming from behind her. She sits up and twists around to see what the hell Romanoff is doing now.

“Romanoff?” Maria calls out when she hears another crash. No response is issued back.

“Goddamn it.” Maria hisses and reluctantly stands up and makes her way over to the back room.

“Romanoff!” Maria tries again. She places her face close to the door to try and hear what Romanoff says back.

“Fuck!” She hears Romanoff curse through the wall and another banging sound follows shortly after. What is she doing in there? Maria can hear the makings of quiet mumbling and presses her ear to the door.

“Five years! Five years! It’s been five years. Five years and no one came. Five years. How long without Fury? Another five? The rest of my life? Fuck!” Romanoff only pauses to create another banging noise. 

Suddenly those words don’t seem to be from Romanoff’s big mouth, but from Natalie’s panicked knocks that come before sleep. Those knocks didn’t come as often after the first two months, the last time she heard them was maybe a month ago. 

Maria hates Romanoff. Romanoff hates Maria. They hate each other. These curses should be music to Maria’s ears. Then why is her heart breaking? Why are her hands flexing in need of opening the door and wrapping her small body in a hug? 

Natalie is on the other end of the wall, not Romanoff. Natalie who has had so much bad in her life and deserves better. Natalie, who Maria is now accepting is a lot like Natasha. Natasha who would stop in her quarters after a bad mission to lay in her arms and just let Maria hold her to wipe away as much pain as she could. But Romanoff hasn’t been Natasha to her in years. 

Maria pushes that away. The person behind that door isn’t Natasha, but she’s also not Romanoff. She’s Natalie. Her Natalie. Her Shrek.

And the way she talks to Natalie is through tap code.

So Maria knocks on the door, “Shrek?” She can hear the mumbling starting to stop, and so she taps again, “Shrek?”

“Donkey?” Despite herself, Maria grins a little. 

“Did you know that light travels faster than sound?” Maria knocks to her. “That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

Shrek doesn’t respond, so Maria keeps going, “It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.”

She finally hears back, “Did you know Ireland has the world’s fasting growing population for its capitol? Every day it’s Dublin.” Maria smiles; she’s coming back.

Deciding to move away from puns, Maria decides to answer her previous question about where she learned about space crafts, kind of like offering an olive branch, “I always liked cars. When I was little I found a toy car on the street one day. I didn’t really have many toys, so I played with that thing every day. Walking home from school, I would always stop to watch this old woman fix cars. She had this really cool garage that always had the best cars in it. I would go there every afternoon and sit there for hours. 

“One day when I was 10, she called me over and said she saw me sitting there for the past couple of days. I thought I was going to get in trouble but she just asked if I wanted to learn. And so I learned how to fix and drive cars by this old woman. A badass old woman at that too, she taught me to fight after I lost another fight at school.”

Shrek interrupts to state the obvious, “Cars are a little different than space ships.”

“I was getting to that, be patient. My second week working for Pepper at Stark Industries, Stark asked me if I knew where Banner was. He just walked in my office and requested I call Banner even though I didn’t work for him. That jackass. And then he explained that he was working on some flying machine and needed help with the wiring; wiring that any mechanic would know. I couldn’t believe it; this man can build all these machines and everything, but couldn’t remember how to do some simple wiring! 

“And so against my better judgement, I went down there to help him. So I hooked up the wiring and Stark started explaining his machine. And no matter how much I wanted to be against all things Stark, it actually sounded pretty interesting. So I stayed down there while he finished building it. When it was finished, he showed me how to fly it. So I was flying it while he was flying next to it in his Iron Man suit. 

“Compared to the advanced stuff that Stark was making, I could fix this pod with my eyes closed. Although Stark is an ass, I actually really liked working with him. It was something we could bond over.”

“He does have a special ability to counter any one reason for hating him with two reasons to love him.” Shrek agrees.

“You know he’s going to give us shit about the ceiling hatch taking us years to figure out.”

“Well then we better come up with a better story.”

“How about we say we took out ten skrulls each, and they were all armed and we weren’t.”

“Better add that there were ten ships after us with blasters and all we had was this thing.”

“Make that twenty ships and we also don’t mention that the pod was almost broken.”

“Deal. Just don’t mention that I couldn’t handle space well at first.”

“I can’t believe you haven’t been out in space before; you’ve really been missing out.”

“I still think my strengths best lie on the ground, especially after this.”

“Come on, it’s so pretty. You can see all the constellations and everything.”

“Aren’t we in a different galaxy? Meaning different constellations?”

“It seems like you’re stuck with the right person, I’ve been studying the different galaxies and planets since Thor and the Chitauri. And we’re in the Decalcomanie Galaxy to be exact.”

“Is that good?”

“We’re about 27 hours away if we keep up the same speed.”

“One day and we’re there?”

“Yep, and in that day I would really appreciate if I could pee at some point.”

“I that your way of telling me to get off the bathroom floor?”

“Ding ding ding.”

“Fine. Goodbye, Donkey.”

“Goodbye, Shrek.”

Maria gets off the ground. The door slides open and out steps Romanoff. She gives a small smile to Maria and nods her head. Maria nods back and they go back to their seats. Without their shared wall, they don’t speak. Once again they sit in pure silence. 

Maria continues to pilot the ship while it seems like Romanoff is finally comfortable enough to fall asleep. Romanoff isn’t a sound sleeper, she twitches and mutters throughout most of it until Maria can hear her wake with a soft gasp.

Maria glances over at Romanoff. She watches as Romanoff’s chest rises and falls, only the faint sound of her breathing can be heard. The stars and dim lights of the controls reflect off her skin, giving it an orange glow to match her hair. She can see the light reflecting off something on her face. It builds up in the corner of her eye and falls quickly down in a short stream. Did Romanoff just cry? Romanoff turns her head to look at Maria who’s just been staring at her this whole time. Fuck.

“Myrmex.” Maria blurts out, trying to come up with a reason for why she’s looking at her.

“What?”

“That constellation is called Myrmex.” Maria points to the group of stars above them. “It’s based on the Greek myth of a woman named Myrmex.”

“Hmm I don’t think I remember that one. I haven’t read about classical mythology for a long time.”

“There’s not much to tell. Myrmex was a mortal woman who lived in Attic. Athena adored her from afar. And then not from afar. They were lovers until Athena made the plow and Myrmex bragged that she made the plow, so then Athena turned her into an ant. It’s called Myrmex because the jumble of stars kind of look like an ant. Maybe Athena felt bad for making her an ant and put her in the stars, to commemorate her only lover.”

“A Greek goddess felt bad for turning her lover into an ant and so she put her in the stars of a different galaxy?” Romanoff quirks her eyebrow at her in disbelief.

“Sure beats the alternative.” Maria huffs under her breath.

“And what’s that?” Curse Romanoff’s damn heightened super hearing.

“That she didn’t regret it at all.” Maria breaths out quietly. “This way it shows that she actually cared. Even though she was a god, she cared for that little insignificant ant.” Maria raises her eyes to look directly at Romanoff. Romanoff holds her gaze. 

Maria watches. She watches Romanoff’s long eyelashes flutter closed when she blinks. The way her mouth is pursed ever so slightly in concentration, light reflecting off the inner parts. Maria watches her chest rise and fall. Even trapped in a cell for five years she looks amazing. Absolutely beautiful. More beautiful than a Greek goddess could ever dream of being. It’s… it’s too much.

“Anyway,” Maria coughs, breaking the moment and turning away, “you’re right, it’s stupid. Athena is the goddess of reason and war; she doesn’t feel love. Isn’t that what she’s known for anyway?”

“But then that’s probably why she turned Myrmex into an ant. She’s the goddess of reason, and love is so human that it isn’t reason. She couldn’t have Myrmex because the rest of the humans needed her to keep that reason. That doesn’t mean she couldn’t feel love, that just means she couldn’t keep that love. Turning Myrmex into an ant was an act of kindness. It’s what was best for her. What if everyone found out that their favorite goddess was no longer useful because love destroyed her? Then they would’ve killed Myrmex to get revenge. They’ve taken revenge for stupider reasons.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Athena is the goddess of reason, so why couldn’t she just reason with Myrmex about that? How is it reasonable to turn her into an ant? And if Athena is so strong, then how could loving someone break her? You know everyone says love makes you stronger and all that crap.”

“Love is for children,” Natasha hisses, “it would only cause pain. Do you know how much better off things would be if Zeus just kept it in his fucking pants? Maybe if he thought a little bit more with his brain like Athena, instead of thinking with his dick?”

“Are you implying that it’s all or nothing? Athena would have to love everyone if she were to love? That just loving Myrmex wasn’t enough?”

“No it was more than enough, too much even. It was too much for her. It would consume her. Maybe it seems like turning her into an ant wasn’t reasonable, but that just goes to show that being with Myrmex jeopardized her ability to think clearly.” 

The more back and forth they go, the closer their faces keep getting. Maria now has a full view of the shining water in Romanoff’s—Natasha’s?—Natalie’s?—eyes. Her mind isn’t thinking and she cups her cheek with her hand, using her thumb to wipe away the tears beginning to build. The skin is soft and smooth. It’s warm to the touch, ever a burning furnace on Maria’s ice cold hands. It’s just how it felt ten years ago. Romanoff feels just like Natasha under Maria’s shaky hand. 

“Are you saying that the goddess loved the ant?” Maria asks, looking at Natasha’s now closed eyes.

“It doesn’t matter if the goddess loved the ant if the ant didn’t love the god.” Natasha whispers, opening her glossy green eyes at Maria. Maria swears those big, green, vulnerable eyes are more beautiful than anything in the whole universe. She would take on thousands of skrulls and travel all of space-time to look into them. To let them consume her.

“Of course she did,” Maria breathes out, looking directly at her, “and she didn’t love her because she was a goddess. She loved every bit about her. She saw past the myth. She saw her. And she loved everything she saw, the good and the bad.”

Even softer Maria slips up and whispers, “I loved you. But you already knew that. You knew that and you still left. So tell me, did the goddess love the ant?”

Natasha doesn’t answer right away, but Maria doesn’t budge. They stay connected and in each other’s faces, breathing the same air. If they got any closer, their eyelashes would touch the other’s. Maria can feel her warm breath on her face. Natasha stays silent and just lightly places her hand on the one Maria has on her face, engulfing her hand in heat. Natasha opens her mouth; they’re so close that her upper lip grazes Maria’s lower lip. Sparks tingle on her lips and her stomach starts churning. Natasha closes her month, not saying anything. 

Then the pod jolts, releasing them from their trance. 

Natasha is the one now to break the stalemate and silence, spitting out, “Love is for children, a goddess could never love a fucking ant. You were right, she’s too reasoned for any emotions like that.” And as quickly as she came, Natasha left, leaving only Romanoff in her place. Romanoff pushes Maria’s hand off her face. Maria’s once burning hand suddenly turns back to being ice. It stings like she’s just been pushed out into the snow. She’s so cold. 

Romanoff always did know where to hit her where it hurts. Maria thought she was over it. Over those stupid feelings, and then just like that, it’s like she’s living that goddamn nightmare day all over again. She can hear the shouting in her ears, the slamming of the doors. It took all her strength to finally end things, to end her suffering, and here she is opening up healed wounds. 

Maria’s now thankful for the shaking pod because now she has something else to put her focus on. They’ve finally reached the worm hole that takes them back to their galaxy. They’re so close to getting off this hell ship.

“Are we running out of gas?” Romanoff asks, sitting herself back into her chair. Her body is facing as far away from Maria as it can get.

“We’ll be in a short worm hole until we reach the Milky Way. According to the map it should let us out in our solar system, so we should only be a few hours away from earth after this. I’d suggest putting on your seat straps.” Maria switches the steering off of automatic and begins to pilot the pod through the worm hole. 

They’re only in the worm hole for a few minutes before they’re once again flying through empty space. 

Maria checks the map to make sure they’re not lost. Sure enough, they’re back in their solar system. 

It’s an easy two-hour flight from the worm hole to Earth with both women opting to stay quiet. Maria circles around the earth, trying to find Stark’s landing signal. With everything that happened in the Decimation she doesn’t know if there even is a landing sight anymore. But it’s not like they can just park this space ship anywhere they want.

Maria is getting worried that something happened to it, until she spots the familiar flash of light. At least that’s one thing that hasn’t changed. Maria aims the pod at the flash and starts to descend into Earth’s gravity. The gravity pulls in their pod and they start to enter Earth. 

As they get closer to the ground, Maria can see that things are different. Where’s the Avengers compound? It should be right there. But there’s nothing. The building is gone. It’s all gone.

“Was the tower rebuilt after the Decimation?” Maria asks, half expecting Romanoff to ignore her.

“No.” Romanoff whispers. Maria takes a deep breath, really hoping there will be no more surprises. Is the Avengers tower gone too? If the tower is gone, where is everyone? Where do they go for help? 

“We’re about to land,” Maria calls out, “Brace for impact.” The pod sets roughly down on the ground and slows to a stop. Maria undoes her seat straps and turns off the pod. 

“Welcome home,” Maria says quietly, then mumbles to herself, “or at least what’s left of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that they know who each other are, there will be more flashbacks/back stories of their past revealed. And I promise the next chapter won't be as long of a wait!   
> Also I can’t believe I’ve read so many books about classical myths and took 4 years of latin but never read this singular lesbian myth!! The only lesbian myth I could find!! And it fits so well. Like Athena doesn’t take lovers but her only one was a woman and then she got scared and turned her into an ant. I- it’s a blackhill story and it’s really getting me. I love Sappho as much as the next Sapphic but why say Aphrodite is the goddess of lesbians when Athena is right there. I knew I liked her for a reason.


	8. The Joy That Comes from a Bundle of Fur & the Pain that Comes from a Mess of Hair

Natasha didn’t think she’d ever see Earth again. She’s almost forgotten what it looks like. What breathing fresh, not recycled, air again feels like. It’s so weird to be out. She was in different galaxy in a cage for five years of her life. At least in the Red Room she got to see the outdoors after a few years of training. 

She’s free. She can go wherever she wants. The Avengers Headquarters is completely gone, but she can still see the Avengers Tower standing in the distance. Is her room there still? Have they replaced her yet? Natasha isn’t sure if she can force herself to see the answer. Plus if skrulls were sent after them, that would probably be the first place they would look, it’s too dangerous to go there.

Is her apartment still standing? It’s not like her apartment really has anything in it, but it might still have her weapons and a phone there. It also might have a furry black cat there. Liho went away in the Decimation but it’s been a year or two since she should’ve come back. Maybe Liho moved on without her too.

The only problem is that Hill is here. She doesn’t want Hill to know she has a secret apartment, much less actually go to it. 

“You can go to your apartment and I can stay here.” Natasha suggests casually, hoping Hill will take the bait and leave Natasha alone so that she can sneak into her apartment. 

“My apartment is on record under my name, so if anyone is coming after us, that’ll be the first place they’ll look besides the Avengers Tower. I think our best bet is staying with someone we can trust. Problem is I don’t have a phone to call people. It’s not like I have money or time to buy one either.” Money, shit that’s another thing they need. Fortunately, Natasha’s pretty sure she has a stack of cash in her apartment. All the more reason she has to go there. She just needs to shake Hill.

“I know how to get to Stark and Pepper from here; we don’t need a phone. They live in a secluded cabin in Virginia. A 6-hour drive by car, max.”

“That’s great but we still need a car and gas.”

“You can get the car and I’ll get the money for gas.”

“We don’t have a phone, so we can’t exactly go our separate ways.” It’s not looking good for Natasha to sneak into her apartment unseen. Curse Hill’s sound logic and solid points.

Natasha sighs in defeat, “Just follow me.” Natasha starts walking to her apartment. If it’s still here, it should only be a few blocks away. She doesn’t look back to see if Hill’s following. She honestly would prefer if she didn’t; it’s not like she needs her anymore. Natasha has the money at her apartment and she’s the one who knows where to find Stark and Pepper. So Maria knows how to hot wire a car? Natasha could learn.

Things are looking better than when she left. There’s less rubble, less decay. It probably helped that the world got back half its population so there were enough people to do repairs. People were also finally happy again and probably more willing to put in the work. Really only the headquarters being gone is the one thing that looks different from before the Decimation. It’s almost like it never happened. Like the Decimation was just a weird waiting period when the whole universe was on pause. 

Natasha turns the corner and sees it: her apartment is still standing. Natasha breathes a sigh of relief and starts to pick up the pace. It looks like every normal apartment in New York City. That’s why Natasha loves it. It fits her so much better than the flashy Avengers Tower. Here she can fall back on her roots of staying hidden. 

Natasha walks up to the stoop and punches in the code to get in the front door. The pad blinks green; the landlord never changed the password in the past seven years. For once Natasha’s happy that the security here is really lacking.

“Where are we?” Hill asks, completely ruining the moment Natasha was having. 

“It’s my apartment.” Natasha supplies and slams her body against the door to get in. The door always sticks. Same old apartment, same old door. Natasha grins.

“You live in the Avengers Tower.” Hill frowns, following Natasha in. 

“I’ve had this apartment since I first joined S.H.I.E.L.D. A stipulation of me joining was I convinced Fury to give me money for an apartment.” Hill’s frown deepens and when Natasha looks back at her, it’s almost like she can hear her unspoken question: then why has Natasha never taken her here before? Which if you try to claim the this-for-that logic, Natasha followed it. In S.H.I.E.L.D when Hill showed Natasha her quarters, Natasha showed her hers. When Hill took Natasha to her apartment, Natasha let her see her room in the Avengers Tower. 

So what if Natasha never showed Hill her apartment? She didn’t break any unspoken rules when you have a thing with someone. If Hill wanted to see it then she should’ve bought another apartment and showed it to Natasha. Then she would’ve had to show Hill her apartment. But that didn’t happen, therefore Hill’s never seen her apartment.

Besides they mainly spent their time in Hill’s office or in the showers of the training room. 

So no, Natasha doesn’t feel guilty that Hill’s never been in her apartment. Not even Clint or Stark or Pepper or Steve has been in her apartment. And they mean a hell of a lot more to Natasha than Hill ever did.

So Natasha turns back with nothing but confidence on her face and walks up the stairs to her floor. 

When she gets to her door, Natasha grabs the two paperclips she keeps under the plain mat in front of the door. Honestly she lost her key not even a year after she moved in. Natasha can pick a lock in no time anyway.

“Are you breaking into someone else’s apartment?” Hill asks skeptically. In the time it took her to say those words, Natasha already has the door unlocked.

“We can’t all have automated systems.” Natasha shakes her head, “Look who’s impatient now.” Hill rolls her eyes and follows Natasha through the doorway. 

The room takes Natasha’s breath away. Everything is in its place. Everything is how she left it. She can’t tell what would have been weirder: everything continuing to look the same as it was five years ago or everything looking drastically different. Natasha should feel happy everything is the same, but she’s nervous. Something’s going to be different and it’s going to hit her like a freight train.

But nothing’s different here except for the need to dust everything. And probably throw away the two things in her fridge. 

The coffee table in her small living room still has a stack of papers of it. The bookshelf is still overflowing with all the books she didn’t return to the library yet. A box of Lucky Charms cereal sits out on the counter. It looks almost like a museum. It doesn’t feel like her life anymore; it was her past life. 

There’s a scratching at the window next to the small balcony. Natasha whips her head around to see a ball of black fur meowing nonstop at her. 

“Liho.” Natasha smiles. She missed that stupid cat. Even if she did get cat hair all over her black clothes. Natasha unlocks the window and Liho jumps down.

“You really do have a fucking cat,” Hill laughs. “The menacing Black Widow has a cat.”

“I don’t have a cat, Liho’s a stray. I just feed her sometimes.”

“Do you feed her every day?”

“Yes.”

“Do you own cat toys?”

“…Yes.”

“She’s your cat then. Case closed.” Natasha frowns at Hill, but then Liho jumps into her arms, putting her focus once again back on Liho. Does Natasha’s apartment even have any food to give this cat? How long are cat treats good for? Do those have an expiration date?

Natasha brings the bundle of cat into the kitchen and opens her bare cupboards. Stale chicken flavored Party Mix treats it is. Natasha places Liho gently back on the ground and throws a couple of the treats on the ground. 

Liho sniffs them, then cocks her head up at Natasha, giving her a small, “Mrrow?”

“They’re the best I got,” Natasha explains to the cat. “It’s that or nothing. What’s it gonna be?” Seemingly understanding the situation, Liho bends her head back down and starts to crunch on the first treat. Apparently Liho’s determined that those treats are better than nothing.

Natasha turns her attention now to Hill who seems to be eyeing her apartment carefully. “You can take a shower if you want. I’ll get some stuff ready, take a shower when you’re done, and then we can go. That bathroom’s the door on the left down the hall. I should have an extra towel in there.” 

“Thanks.” Hill nods and makes her way to the bathroom. Once Natasha can hear the water start up, she goes down the hall into her room. Like everything else in the apartment, it’s the same as how she left it. 

She rips open a spot in her mattress and throws everything in it on her bed: five different passports, six thousand dollars in cash, and two burner phones. Her weapons are hidden in a compartment in the wall: two sets of widow bites and a few glocks. 

Natasha grabs a backpack that’s sitting on the ground and tosses the passports and money in it. She secures two of the guns in holsters on her body, leaving one for Hill. She grabs one burner phone and decides to give the other to Hill. 

Natasha doesn’t notice that the water’s turned off until Hill is standing in her doorway, a towel wrapped just barely around herself, and dripping water all over her floor. 

“I don’t have any clothes,” Hill points out, not moving from the door. Which is good for Natasha; she already had Hill in her apartment, she doesn’t want her also barging into her bedroom. 

“I probably have something, hold on,” Natasha mumbles and goes to look in her drawers.

“I don’t think your clothes will fit me, I am a foot taller than you,” Hill smirks. See if she gets any clothes then if she keeps those jokes up.

“Only half a foot,” Natasha grumbles, searching her clothes. Not like she has that much clothes here, so options are a little limited. And as much as Hill is annoying, she does have a point that Natasha’s clothes might be a little too small. Everything looks about the same size, except for a faded black sweatshirt at the bottom of the drawer.

“Here, this is the biggest shirt I own,” Natasha announces and throws the sweatshirt at her. She opens up her bottom drawer, looking for pants. She might have to go with sweat pants since the jeans will probably be too short. 

“These sweatpants should be long enough,” Natasha turns around to give them to Hill. Hill isn’t looking at her though, she’s looking at the unfolded sweatshirt in her hands. Why didn’t she get dressed yet? It’s a little too late for modesty if she’s concerned about changing in front of her.

“Just change in the bathroom if you’re uncomfortable to change in here with me,” Natasha says, trying to get some movement out of Hill. 

Hill slowly raises her head from the sweatshirt and now stares at Natasha. 

She turns it around so Natasha can see the faint design of the front of it. It looks like a red cat head. The words around it look scratched off from so much use.

“This is my sweatshirt,” Hill states, “Why do you have my sweatshirt? This has been missing for years.”

“No, it has to be mine!” Natasha argues, even though it doesn’t look like it’ll be in her favor, considering she doesn’t know what those words are supposed to spell out. Which she should if she’s worn it enough times that they’re now unreadable.

“You don’t even know what this says, do you?” Hill asks in disbelief, seemingly reading her mind. Before Natasha has a chance to guess, Hill answers her own question. “It says ‘Lakeview High School.’ Do you even know where that is?”

Natasha stays silent. She has a good guess of where that is, but she doubts it’ll help her case out much.

“It’s in Chicago,” Hill once again says, not waiting for Natasha to answer her. “This is my high school sweatshirt.”

Natasha shrugs, feigning disinterest. “So you gave me your sweatshirt sometime, big deal.”

“I would’ve never given this to you, it was my favorite sweatshirt! I wore it almost every night since I was actually in high school! You took it from me! Why is it in your fucking apartment, Romanoff? Why is my favorite sweatshirt in your goddamn secret apartment that I’ve never seen? I sure as hell never put it here.”

“Just put on the damn clothes, it’s just a stupid sweatshirt!” Natasha snaps and pushes past Hill to get to the shower. She slams the door and turns the water as hot as it will go. Natasha’s always likes the water to match her mood.

Natasha lets her mind get focused from the scorching water running down her back. Fucking stupid Hill and her dumb sweatshirt. How was she supposed to know that it was Hill’s? She hasn’t thought about it in years. And now Hill is trying to make her say why she took it. It’s almost as if Hill knew she stole it in a moment of weakness. Hill just loves exposing the parts of her that she never knew she hated so much. 

Natasha grabs the soap and lathers it on her body. She may be pissed but goddamn does it feel nice to finally wipe away all the grime off her body. Natasha hasn’t felt like herself for the past couple of days. Well she hasn’t felt like herself ever since she was taken, but she’s really been out of whack recently. 

That just means she has to build herself back up again. She’s familiar with the concept. There were moments when she had to rebuild herself in the Red Room. She rebuilt herself after the boy on fire. She rebuilt herself when arriving at S.H.I.E.L.D. She rebuilt herself as an Avenger. She rebuilt herself when S.H.I.E.L.D fell. She rebuilt herself after the Accords. She rebuilt herself after the Decimation. She will rebuild herself again. 

The foundation remains the same and the pieces remain the same, but she will build a different version. It’s like playing with Legos without instructions: same pieces, different results. Natasha will rebuild. She will adapt. 

Natasha cuts off the water and grabs her towel. It’s the softest thing she’s touched in years. Natasha dries off some of her body and walks to the mirror. It’s completely fogged up from the steam from the shower. 

Natasha rubs her hand in circles on the mirror, making it so she can see herself in the reflection. She stares at her reflection, just like she did when she was captured. She looks better this time, that’s for sure; she’s finally showered and slept for the first time without the use of chemicals.

She’s lost most of her muscle mass. Not all of it, Natasha tried her best to keep in shape, but she’s on the scrawny side now. She can see some of her bones trying to peak out. She’ll have to adjust her diet slowly so that she gets back the muscle that was lost.

Her hair is long; it falls in blonde and red waves over her shoulders, wet and sticking to her body. The blonde is weird. It reminds her of the past, it’s not her. Natasha opens up the drawer and grabs a pair of scissors. 

She stares in the mirror, holding the scissors. She grabs a section of her hair and holds it out. The scissors chop off the blond hair, the hair falling and sticking to her body and the sink counter. Natasha cuts off more sections until her hair is all red again and hanging at her neck.

Natasha’s rebuilding process always seems to start with a new hair style; something to show on the outside that she’s changed on the inside. That or it’s just a fucking haircut.

Natasha wraps a towel around her body and heads into her room to get dressed. 

Dried and clothed, Natasha enters her living room to see Hill sitting on her couch, wearing the clothes she gave to her. 

Hill’s attention snaps to her when she says, “Alright, let’s go.”

“You cut your hair,” Hill points out the obvious. Natasha hates when people feel the need to point out the obvious.

“Yeah.” Hill doesn’t say anymore. She just stares at Natasha’s hair. It looks like she wants to say something, but is holding herself back. It’s not until her hand reaches up to tangle in her own hair that Natasha can piece together what’s on her mind: she wants to cut her hair too. Natasha’s never seen Hill’s hair reach past her shoulders, but now it falls almost a foot past that point. 

“The scissors are in the bathroom if you want to use them,” Natasha nonchalantly suggests. She knows if she outright suggests cutting her hair then Hill might refuse to do it.

Hill nods and stands up, heading to her bathroom. Now Natasha is left to be the one to wait for Hill to leave. 

She’s only waiting for a few minutes when she hears a “Fuck!” coming from the bathroom.

“Hill?” Natasha calls out, wondering what could be going wrong with a simple haircut. It’s not like things need to be perfect. The goal is that people don’t see them at all, much less see their hair.

“Give me a few more minutes!” Hill calls back to her. Natasha relaxes back into the couch before she hears a strain of curses echoing through her hall. What is taking Hill so long? Natasha goes to investigate.

The door isn’t locked, and Natasha is able to just push it open. Next to the sink is Hill sporting terribly chopped hair that’s only halfway done. She’s holding the scissors at a terrible angle and Natasha watches as she struggles to cut off a chunk of her hair in the back. After the scissors slash through the hair chunk, it’s clear that either Hill wants the world’s worst haircut or she messed up again.

“What are you doing?” Natasha asks, walking closer to Hill. She walks slowly but purposefully, as if she were trying not to spook a wild animal. Last thing she wants to do is upset an irritated Hill wielding scissors.

“Well I’m trying to cut my hair, but like I said, I don’t have all my range of motion back with my right arm so I couldn’t hold the scissors in that hand well enough. And these scissors aren’t made for lefties so it’s hard to use them.” Maria huffs out. She grabs another piece of her hair, preparing to cut. Natasha needs to put a stop to this before she hurts herself somehow.

“Here, let me do it.” Natasha sticks out her hand, waiting for Hill to give her the scissors.

“I can do it.” Hill glares at her hand and begins to cut. The scissors completely miss their mark this time and scrape at her hand holding the hair straight.

“Shit!” Maria exclaims as she pulls her hand back to stop the bleeding from the little cut. Natasha cocks her brow at her. Maybe now she’ll finally listen to her. Stubborn jackass.

Hill rolls her eyes and sighs, “Fine, here. Cut it maybe a couple of inches above my neck. Just enough that I could tie it up.” Natasha takes the scissors from her and positions herself behind her. Taking a brush out of the drawer, she draws it through her hair. It’s even darker now, if that’s possible, almost crossing the line from dark brown to black. The lack of sun can do that she guesses. It’s a little thicker too it seems, probably from the lack of washing and brushing. It’s so unnatural to see it this long. It’s almost like when Natasha would see herself after she bleached her hair. It all just seems so wrong.

After she’s done brushing the tangles away, Natasha pulls a piece of it straight. She cuts it with the scissors, letting the hair fall onto Hill’s shoulders. Separate, straighten, and cut, it’s almost second nature to her. Especially with this hair. This hair Natasha knows, or at least she’s turning it into the hair she knows.

She started cutting this hair back before the Accords, before S.H.I.E.L.D fell, before the Avengers, before even Budapest; back when Natasha was just a new agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Back when she was Agent Romanoff and Hill was Agent Hill. It started as a quid pro quo deal, after Hill helped her with her makeup that first time.

It was after a bad mission, Natasha fractured her arm and it was in a sling. Normally Natasha wasn’t slowed down by an arm in a sling, the Red Room made sure she was ambidextrous, but she was having trouble putting on her makeup. She would’ve asked Clint for help, but he said that he wouldn’t be any help in trying to do makeup. So there Natasha was, struggling to make her concealer less blotchy in the S.H.I.E.L.D common room at 6am. 

Sure she could’ve stayed in her room to do it, but she’s a creature of routine and her routine has been to do her makeup here after sparring for the last year. 

“Hey.” Hill knocked on the door as she entered. “I come with coffee.” That was their routine for the past few months. They would spar together in the morning, when they were the only two awake on the ship, and then they would shower and have some coffee in the common room.

“Thanks.” Natasha turned to grab the hot beverage from Hill’s outstretched hand, abandoning any hope at doing for makeup for now.

“Shit is this the good stuff?” Natasha asked, noticing the different cup from the usual cheap disposable foam in the break rooms.

“Yep, got it at the stand outside the treadmill room. It better be good too, it cost me a hefty $4 for one fucking cup.” Last year a coffee stand got set up by some agents who got tired with S.H.I.E.L.D’s terrible selection of coffee beans are crappy coffee machines. Natasha and Hill usually made their own coffee, and Natasha swore she’s heard Hill grumble about how stupid one would have to be to pay for overpriced coffee before. Yet here Hill was, giving Natasha this overpriced cup of goodness she used to stand against.

“My hero,” Natasha smiled and grabbed the cup. She closed her eyes and took a sip. This was good. The only time she drank this was when some guys would try to woo her. She would go and get coffee with them, Natasha would never turn down a free good cup of coffee, but she would always stop it if they wanted anything more.

“Oh this is good.” Natasha moaned, taking another sip. “What made you buy this?”

“Had to find something to get you back to your old self again. I got tired of seeing you moping around the ship all the time. Plus, you get antsy since we can’t spar, so I’m hoping it’ll help calm you, I don’t think I can take moody Romanoff for another day.”

“I have a small fracture; I didn’t lose a limb.” Natasha rolled her eyes. “I can do plenty of things.”

“Really? So the half blended concealer is a new fashion statement?” Hill raised her eyes and smirked at her. 

Natasha swore. Oh course Hill could see that she’s getting frustrated putting on this stupid makeup. Natasha just wanted to say fuck it and just not put any on, but it was weird to go out without it on. Natasha always felt more powerful sporting highlight on her sharp check bones with a perfect wing of eyeliner to match.

“Okay some things are a little hard to do.” Natasha agreed and groaned. If she has to wipe away anymore poor eyeliner attempts she might just go insane.

“I can help with that you know? Just say the word and you could have the best makeup artist on the ship helping you.” Hill grinned. “Unfortunately Fury’s busy though, but I’m still here as second best.” 

Natasha put down her coffee and gestured at the makeup spread out on the counter as an invitation that Hill could do her makeup.

“Don’t mess it up.” Natasha grumbled as Hill grabs the concealer and a brush.

“If you stop talking and let me handle it, I won’t.” Hill leaned down into Natasha’s face, leaving only a few inches of space. Natasha could feel Hill’s soft exhales of her skin as she blended her face with the brush. She could smell a hint of vanilla coming off her hair when she bent down to grab an eyeshadow palette. Natasha kept her eyes on hers the whole time, watching the concentration build up in her brow as she blended colors around her eyes until they were just right.

Quickly and efficiently, Hill managed to put Natasha’s face on bit by bit. After Hill finished painting Natasha’s lip gently with a nude lip, she turned her to the mirror. She was actually really impressed by what she saw. Hill’s eye for detail accentuated all her best features that not even Natasha thought to display, and her steady hands were able to leave lines straight and points sharper than the tanto knife in her belt.

“Not bad for someone who never wears makeup.” Natasha admitted, taking in her appearance. 

“Not my fault I’m just naturally pretty,” Hill gave her a cheeky grin and put her hands under her chin, cocking her head slightly to the side.

“Pretty annoying is more like it.” Natasha scrunched her nose up and stuck her tongue out at her. 

“Then I guess I can just take this.” Hill snatched the cup of coffee that Natasha didn’t finish. She might’ve be bluffing, but Natasha couldn’t risk losing that cup of goodness and sanity.

“Did I say pretty annoying? I meant to say pretty amazing! Wow I don’t know a better person!” 

“Good choice.” Hill set the coffee back in Natasha’s pleading hand. 

“See you tomorrow, Romanoff.” Hill said as she left the room. And that was when their routines changed from sparring and showers (separate) and coffee to sparring and showers (still separate) and Natasha’s makeup and coffee.

That was their routine until Maria got shot, just a few weeks before Budapest. It was a field job gone wrong. The agent who was running the op with Maria messed up and spooked the target. It was then open season on the two agents. Maria got shot in the arm and leg with her should luckily just grazed. She was sent to the med room right when she got back and was still sleeping after the surgery last time Natasha was able to get away and check.

Natasha was on edge all day, wondering if she was awake yet. Clint even stopped their sparring early, telling her she forgets to pull her punches when she gets nervous. Natasha wasn’t nervous.

But what if she was? That would be normal, wouldn’t it? I mean they were sort of friends now. They saw each other every day. They had breakfast together every morning, and sometimes lunch too if they both remembered to eat. They knew how each other fought, perfectly adapting their moves until their matches lasted hours. 

Natasha got used to Maria’s personality. It no longer annoyed her how by the book she was. By the book made her dependable, and damn smart too. Her loyalty to Fury didn’t get under her skin anymore either, it just helped to give Natasha more reasons on why she could trust Maria. Sure they still butted heads and tried to compete in everything, but it was fun. 

Maria even stopped being Hill outside of work and became Maria. This was in response to Natasha telling Maria to call her Natasha.

So yeah, Natasha had earned the right to be nervous about her sort of friend who was shot. 

When Natasha visited her in the med room, she was clutching scissors in her hands.

“What are you doing?” Natasha demanded, walking over to her.

“I’m trying to cut my hair but my hands won’t stop shaking.” Maria grumbled.

“You just got shot, your nerves are all messed up. Put the scissors down before you cut yourself, dumbass. Besides, you’re in the hospital, the last thing you that should be on your mind is a haircut.”

“I don’t like long hair. I meant to cut it before I left. I hate the feeling of it of my back. The feeling of it on my neck. It’s itchy and annoying. I want it off! It’s in my face! If I want my hair short, then it’ll be short!” Maria’s hands started shaking more, even though she held the scissors up to try and cut it again. 

She was starting to worry Natasha. This erratic behavior wasn’t like her. It might be the drugs making her act this way, but Natasha’s seen that look before. She’s had the same look in her eyes sometimes. Long hair was a reliability, it made it easier for people to pull and tangle it. Natasha didn’t want to think about who had been pulling Maria’s hair so bad in the past that it caused this reaction.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Natasha cooed and grabbed her hand, trying to calm her. “It’s okay. I can just cut it for you.”

“I can do it myself!”

“And I can do my makeup by myself but you still do it for me. It’s really okay. I cut my own hair too.” Maria gave up the fight for the scissors, and Natasha was able to slide them off her hand. 

Natasha combed her hand through Maria’s silky dark hair. Even shot at and almost blown up, Maria’s hair still smelled faintly of vanilla. Still felt like early morning coffees and gentle strokes of a makeup brush on her cheeks.

“How short do you want it?” Natasha asked, curling a piece around her finger.

“A few inches above my shoulder. I still want to put it up.”

When Natasha was finished cutting her hair, she brushed off all the hair from her shoulders and whispered in her ear, “Better?”

“Better.” Maria replied and then a quieter, “Thank you.”

“No problem. and I have good news.” Maria perked up a little bit at that. “I stopped off at that coffee stand and managed to sneak you in a coffee.”

“No way.” Maria grinned as Natasha grabbed the two cups of coffee she put on the ground before she cut her hair. Natasha gave her the coffee and sat on the edge of the bed. Maria looked a lot more at peace. Her hands stopped shaking so much and only had a slight tremor in them. Maria was even smiling at her. Probably because of the coffee. It was really good coffee.

Natasha was originally planning on just slipping in, giving her the coffee, and making sure she was okay, before going back to work. But she found herself unwilling to move. She wanted to keep Maria in her line of sight. If Maria stayed in her sight, then there was no way she could get hurt. The smile could stay.

So they stayed that way. Natasha sitting on the bed and Maria in it. Both relaxing in silence, just observing each other while they drank their coffee. They didn’t need words when they had trust.

They don’t have trust anymore.

“Don’t cut it too short!” Hill warns for the fifth time as Natasha starts cutting the back of her hair.

“I’m cutting it the same length as I’ve been cutting it in the front,” Natasha sighs, not pausing the last of her cuts. Natasha is close to making a comment about how anal Hill’s being about her stupid hair, but she holds back. Hill might be annoying with her comments, but Natasha gets it. She knows how important her hair is to her and Natasha knows it goes deeper than the actual appearance of it. The long hair’s probably been plaguing on Hill’s conscious for the whole time they were in the cell. Natasha doesn’t want to put together some of the stories that Hill told her in the cell with the reactions that Hill’s had in the past. She doesn’t want to think about putting backstory she’s gathered together on them. So Natasha just focuses on cutting her hair the best she can.

“There, all done.” Natasha says and pulls a mirror out from the drawer. Hill takes the mirror and looks at the cut. She gives the mirror back with a nod. 

“Alright, let’s go.” Natasha says, grabbing the backpack she left in the living room. Before they both get out the door, Liho walks over to them and looks up.

“Fuck.” Natasha mutters, “I can’t just leave Liho here.”

“I thought you said she wasn’t your cat?” Hill asks, always having to be smart with her.

“She’s not. But she still needs to be fed and cared for. It’s not like I can really hire someone.” Liho looks up at them with her big cat eyes and meows. 

“Just take her with us.” Natasha is about to argue when Liho places her paw on Natasha’s foot and lifts her head back up. Curse this small demon cat for being so damn cute.

“Fine, we’ll take the little demon with us.” Natasha sighs and scoops up the purring ball of fluff. 

Hill is able to find a car and hot wire it in no time flat and then the three of them are off.

Leaving New York, and a few times on the highway, they see large billboards with Iron Man painted on them. All of them show him blowing something up or flying. One even goes as far as having him block the world from something with his body. Really self-sacrificing hero shit. Stark must eat these up.

“Geez, you think Stark paid people to paint these for him?” Maria laughs, after they pass the sixth one they’ve seen in the span of a few hours.

“Humility has never been his top trait.” Natasha agrees as she looks at the new one of him holding up the infinity gauntlet. How cheesy is that.

“I bet he had these done just to point them out to people.”

“Oh for sure, some of them are so big I bet he could see them from his helicopter.”

“The moment we see him, he’s going to ask if we could see his giant signs from space.”

“I don’t know about you, but the only thing I could see from space was his giant ego.” They laugh together for a few more minutes before they fall silent again for the rest of the drive

They stay quiet except for the directions Natasha periodically calls out and the purr of Liho on her lap.

“It should just be down this path.” Natasha says, once they pass the mailbox out front of the path. She sucks in a breath. It’s the same mailbox. This should be their place. Hopefully they still live here. 

As the car nears the house, Natasha can see Pepper’s car parked in the gravel driveway. Natasha lets out her breath: they’re still here. 

“Park next to Pepper’s car.” Natasha points and Hill slows down the car to a halt.

“We’re here.” Natasha grins. It’s not exactly the same as when she left. Pepper did a little bit of remodeling but it still has that same feeling: home. Natasha is home.

Natasha opens up the car door and Liho jumps off her lap and runs off. Natasha takes her first step on the ground. She can’t believe she’s here. The warm pine scent fills her lungs and she feels like she’s dancing on air.

“Come back here, kitty!” Natasha hears a small voice call out that makes her freeze. Morgan? What other kid would be here? Shit, Natasha didn’t think of how she’d introduce herself to Morgan. Is she supposed to be formal? Is she Auntie Nat? Is she Natasha? Is she Ms. Romanoff? Is she Black Widow? She really should’ve thought of this beforehand. Fuck what is she supposed to do? 

Liho runs past her and hides under the car. Natasha looks up to see a little girl running at her. She has brown hair and the most beautiful brown eyes. Those eyes. That smile. It’s like Stark and Pepper are right in front of her.

“Morgan?” Natasha calls out, even though she knows it’s her.

“Who are you?” Morgan tilts her head and looks at her.

“I’m your Auntie Nat.” Natasha breathes out. Right after she says her name, Morgan’s eyes go wide. Shit, she came off too aggressive. Why did she call herself an aunt to this girl she’s never met? Fuck, now Morgan’s looking at her like she’s crazy.

“Mommy!” Morgan screams and runs to the door. “Ghost! There’s a ghost!”

“What did you say to her?” Maria demands as she runs around the car to where Natasha’s standing dumbstruck. 

“She doesn’t know me.” It’s just hitting her. She almost deflates into the car. Her legs are two seconds from giving out. Sure she always knew that Morgan would have no idea who she is, but it was just a possibility until now. It’s real. Morgan’s right, she’s just a ghost of her past self now. 

“How could she know you? You’ve been in a cell her whole life.” Hill rolls her eyes, but positions herself behind Natasha. She doesn’t even have a chance to respond before her knees buckle and she drops in Hill’s waiting arms. This was a bad idea. She scared Morgan. She scared Stark and Pepper’s kid. Shit they’re going to be so mad at her. They don’t want her here. Why did she come here? They’re better off without her. Shit, she needs to go. She’s caused too much trouble already.

“Sweetie, I don’t think you saw a ghost.” Natasha looks at the front porch where an insistent Morgan is pulling Pepper down the stairs by her arm. It looks like Pepper finally has someone as stubborn as she is. See how she likes it.

“No, mommy, it was the ghost of Ms. Natasha, that lady in the videos! She’s behind your car! Hurry up!”

“I’m hurrying!”

“Pepper?” Hill calls out. 

“Maria? Is that you? Did you scare Morgan?”

“Sorry, I don’t know what Romanoff said to her.”

“What are you talking about Maria, I—” Pepper rounds the corner of the car and stops speaking when she sees them.

“See, mommy, isn’t that her? The lady from the videos of daddy and his friends!” Morgan says, hiding behind her leg. Natasha knew it, Pepper didn’t want to see her. She could talk with Hill, but she’s just ignoring Natasha. She should just go.

“Sorry,” Natasha mumbles, pushing off Hill and standing up. “I can go.”

“Who are you?” Pepper whispers, eyes almost as wild and Morgan’s. Ouch, did Pepper really forget her completely. Natasha thought she would move on, but completely forgetting her? Did she really mean that little to her?

“No one. We’ll be leaving, come on, Hill.”

“Don’t be stupid, Romanoff, we’re not driving again. And you can’t start the car without me.”

“Maria, do you see her too?” Pepper asks.

“Unfortunately.” Maria rolls her eyes, “What’s going on, Pepper, did Romanoff do something to you?”

“Natasha Romanoff is dead.” Pepper says, still unblinking.

“Actually we were taken by skrulls and put in cells for a few years. But I can see that with us being gone for so long, you might’ve thought we were dead.” Maria tries to supply.

“Natasha Romanoff died in 2023.” Pepper insists. 2023? That wasn’t even the year she was taken. What is Pepper talking about?

“I disappeared in 2020, Peps.” Natasha gently corrects.

“No, no, no, no, no.” Pepper shakes her head in disbelief, looking visibly distraught. “You died. You went to Vormir with Clint. You sacrificed yourself for the soul stone. Clint saw you. You died. You’re dead.”

“I’ve been in a different galaxy since 2020, Pepper. I was taken and didn’t break out until a few days ago. I’m still alive.”

“You died.”

“I’m here.”

“You died!” Pepper is starting to cry now, breaking down right in front of her.

“I’m here, Peps.” Natasha, with equally watery eyes reaches out. She throws her arms around Pepper and holds her close.

“I’m here.” She whispers.

“You’re alive.” Pepper cries, returning the hug and holding Natasha with all her might. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’m here.”

“What the hell happened?” Pepper asks, still holding Natasha. “Who was the Natasha that threw herself off a cliff?”

“We were taken by skrulls.” Hill speaks up from next to them. “Using the old databases, I was able to find that they’re known to shapeshift. I think they sent one in Romanoff’s place.”

“How did you find her?” Pepper asks Hill. “I thought you and Fury were focused on helping Peter. He never mentioned that you went to a different galaxy.”

“I was gone too, Pepper. I’ve been gone since the Decimation in 2018.”

“Yeah, you were gone in the Decimation, but you came back.” Pepper stops crying and is instead opting to blink at Hill with confusion.

“I came back only to get taken by two skrulls looking for Fury. Fury was in that galaxy with us too, except he was more of a forced guest than a prisoner.”

“Then who is the Maria Hill driving around with Peter Parker?” Pepper asks, concerned. She breaks the hug with Natasha. 

“They probably sent skrulls in our place too.”

“Peter.” Pepper whispers out.

“We’ll protect him, I promise.” Hill says, grabbing Pepper’s hand in comfort. “I already considered the possibility of them having replaced us and I have a few ideas on what we can do, all listed in alphabetical order.” Natasha rolls her eyes. Of course Hill knew all this information and didn’t share any with her.

“Now that’s the Maria I know.” Pepper smiles and wraps Hill in a hug this time. 

Wanting to leave Hill and Pepper alone for a little bit, Natasha asks, “So where’s Stark? I need to brag to him about how I got to see a different galaxy and he didn’t.”

Pepper lets go of Hill instantly and turns around to stare at Natasha. 

“Natasha,” she begins with that sad look in her eyes that sends panic in the pit of her stomach, “Tony… Tony is… he’s…“

Morgan looks up at Natasha with those big Stark eyes and whispers, “Daddy’s dead.”

Natasha runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this time I really promise that the next chapter will be posted soon.


	9. The Crafting of Freedom & the Killing of Liberty

The second those words leave the little girl’s mouth, Romanoff bolts into the woods.

“Natasha!” Maria can vaguely hear Pepper call out. It’s useless to stop Romanoff when she wants to run. There’s no catching her and no slowing her down. When she starts to turn, just consider her gone.

“What did she say?” Maria croaks out to Pepper, hoping against everything that she heard wrong. Her kid is like what? Four? Five? Six? Probably five. Can five year olds even talk? Maria hasn’t been around an actual kid in decades. She’s a little behind on where all the big milestones are supposed to be in a kid’s life.

“Tony,” Pepper starts and wipes her eyes, “he died in the fight against Thanos. He snapped the infinity gauntlet to destroy Thanos and his army. But he—he didn’t make it. It was too much.” Maria’s head is whirling. This doesn’t even make any sense. Didn’t Romanoff watch Thanos die? And she sure didn’t know that Stark was dead. Wasn’t the infinity gauntlet gone?

And then Stark. They had a weird relationship. He was a pain in the ass but overall he was a good person. Before the Decimation she was almost spending as much time with him as she was with Pepper. And now he’s just…gone. 

“I have so many questions. You might have to start from the top,” Maria says and sits down on the ground. Her head is spinning so fast that if she continued to stand, she might’ve fallen.

And so Pepper tells her about Scott Lang and the time machine. She talks about the missions made to the past and to space to find the infinity stones. She talks about how Clint went with fake Romanoff to Vormir and only Clint came back, saying that Romanoff jumped off the cliff for him. Then she talks about Banner snapping the gauntlet and bringing everyone back. Then how Thanos and his army came from the past. Pepper explains how everyone gathered for one last time to defeat the army, everyone but Romanoff that is. 

And Maria, but she knows better than to pretend like they actually consider her a valid and needed part of the group. They probably missed the real Fury though. But not her. Never her.

And then at last, she sobs when she explains that Stark got the gauntlet and got rid of Thanos and his army once and for all, but died in her arms.

“Where did the stones go after you used them?” Maria asks carefully, not wanting Pepper to relive anything else that might hurt her. 

“Steve took them back to where they got them.” Pepper explains, then slowly adds on. “But he came back different.”

“Different how?” Maria frowns. She’s not liking where this might be going. If something happened to Rogers along with Stark… Romanoff might not recover.

“He stayed in the past. He came back old. Sam is now Captain America.”

“Shit.” Maria curses. How could Rogers be so fucking stupid. Stark dies, and so when his friends and family need him most, Rogers just disappears? What the absolute fuck is wrong with this guy?

“What I don’t get though, is why did the Natasha skrull jump off the cliff?” Pepper asks. “If it didn’t care about Clint, then why not just push Clint off? Clint said there was a struggle for who would jump off.” 

Maria isn’t completely certain on this one, but based on what Pepper’s told her about the soul stone, she has a decent guess. “I’m thinking that because the skrull had no emotional connection to Clint, nothing would’ve happened if Clint died. I’m assuming that in order to satisfy the needs of the soul stone, then the feelings of the other person who didn’t die are used. It has to be able to sense in the other person that they lost someone they loved. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t the real Romanoff, it just mattered that Clint thought it was. So the emotions he was feeling were the same as if Romanoff really did die, because to him, she did. So he was rewarded with the soul stone.

“But if Clint died, the skrull wouldn’t care. They wouldn’t get the soul stone because the skrull didn’t lose anyone. And I’m assuming that the skrulls lost half of their own as well in the Decimation, so it would be in their favor to reverse it.” Pepper nods her head, accepting Maria’s explanation. 

They sit in silence on the ground until her kid walks over to them, tired of playing with Liho.

“And who is this?” Maria asks, smiling at the cute little girl. She may not know how to deal with kids at all, but she does at least have enough common sense to know that she should probably ask her name.

“This is Morgan.” Pepper smiles, setting the girl in her lap. “Say ‘hi,’ Morgan.”

“Hi.” Morgan says softly and waves. She’s missing a tooth and has the cutest little smile Maria’s ever seen.

“Hi, Morgan, I’m Maria.” Maria waves back, in a soft enough voice to almost match Morgan’s.

“Haven’t I met Ms. Maria before?” Morgan loudly whispers to Pepper.

“This is the real Maria; the other Maria was just pretending to be her.” Pepper tries to explain. It’s complicated for adults to think about, much less kids. Morgan might not get it.

“Okay.” Morgan just accepts what Pepper tells her. She then leans back to whisper to her mom. “I’m hungry.”

“It is dinner time isn’t it? Up we go then.” Pepper stands up, hoisting Morgan up and onto the ground. Maria slowly makes her way off the ground as well. “I should have dinner ready soon.”

“It’s getting dark out, should we get Romanoff?” Maria asks. She’s worried for her. Based on everything she vaguely knows about how Romanoff was spending the last few years before she was taken, Stark was big part of her life. And if there’s one thing that Maria’s gathered that Natasha Romanoff does poorly, it’s emotions. “I could look for her while you make dinner. Do you know where she would’ve gone?”

“She would go out in the woods whenever she got particularity upset sometimes. Tony’s gone after her and I’ve gone after her but usually we can’t find her. She’ll come when she’s ready.”

“She might not be ready for a long time, Pepper. And I’d rather not have her spend her first night back on Earth in five years in the woods.”

“You’re right. But do you think you can get her to talk to you? I’ve never been able to get a word out of her when she’s like this.”

“Yeah, I might.”

“When’d you two get so close?” Pepper raises her eyebrows. Maria doesn’t like what she’s insinuating.

Maria certainly doesn’t have enough time to tell Pepper that story. Instead of answering Pepper, Maria asks, “So do you have any small pieces of plywood I could borrow?”

That’s why Maria is now trudging through the forest with two pieces of plywood in her hands. She’s not sure exactly where she’s going. Fuck, she’s going to get so lost. Romanoff couldn’t just cry under covers like a normal person. No, she had to run away into the woods. That dramatic ass bitch.

Romanoff’s been out here long enough, maybe a few hours, so she shouldn’t still be crying. That means she’s probably somewhere that she can focus more attention on. Maybe some kind of water? But Pepper said there were lots ponds all over the woods along with a creek, so that doesn’t quite narrow things down. 

She’s probably sitting on a rock. Sitting in the grass for hours would get itchy. Which means she’s probably on a rock in the creek. Now if Maria can just find the damn creek. 

Shit, her head is just full of thoughts swirling around, blocking out all her wilderness training. Maria just stops moving and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath and tries to focus her senses. She tries to hear any sound of moving water. Tries to smell any wetness. She opens her eyes and looks around. The ground is slanted a little. Perfect, this she can work with. 

Maria follows the downhill slope. Eventually she can hear the faint sound of water. Luckily it rained recently so the creek was churning enough to where sound could be heard. But on the downside, her feet are sinking into mud. Her only pair of shoes are covered in mud, and once again she finds herself cursing Romanoff. 

Maria follows the creek until she spots a figure perched on a rock. As she gets closer, she can clearly see that it’s Romanoff sitting with knees pressed into her chest, her hand dangling so that her fingertips are just faintly dipping in the water rushing below her. Maria doesn’t feel the need to announce her presence; Romanoff probably heard her trudging through the squishy mud a while ago. And she didn’t run away, which is a good sign. 

Maria slowly approaches her. Romanoff still has her back turned, focusing only on the water dancing and swirling through her fingers. Maria hands her a piece of the plywood and sits down on the rock, so that her back is pressed against Romanoff’s.

Maria holds her own piece of plywood in her hands, and using tap code, she knocks, “Shrek.”

Romanoff doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t put the wood down or tell Maria to go away.

Maria takes this as an invitation to continue, “I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.”

Maria goes again, “You know in AP Human Geography they study humans interacting with the earth, but in AP Human Geology they study The Rock.” 

“I’ve actually never heard that one before,” Shrek taps to her.

“Well that’s because I came up with it myself in high school.” Maria brags her creative genius. “I can keep going if you want.”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Pepper has dinner ready whenever you’re ready.” Maria wants to give her an out if she doesn’t want to talk about it. They can just get up and pretend like none of this is happening.

“If it gets too dark, I can still find the way to the cabin.” So Romanoff might talk with her. Maria stops knocking, letting Shrek lead the conversation if she feels up to it.

“He was my older brother. He was always there for me. Even when I wasn’t always there for him, he was there for me. Even after the Accords we kept in contact. I thought he would hate me for leaving his side, and he did at first, but we still talked. And during the years after the Decimation he was there for me. And I couldn’t be there for him. I couldn’t get out of that stupid cell! He was always by my side for over a decade and I couldn’t be there during the one fucking time I needed to be by his.” 

Maria’s had her share of “if only” thoughts in her life. And each time she tries desperately to convince herself that there’s nothing she could’ve done. Sure, she may not be super successful at that, but even she’s able to see when things have spiraled so far out of her control that there was truly nothing she could do. And those are strong words coming from her, because she believes she can control things 99% of the time, shit she’s almost as affective as damn Purell hand sanitizer. But eventually she can see if something is in that 1% that was beyond her realm of control. But for Shrek to say those things, it really didn’t make sense, because there was absolutely nothing that could’ve changed the outcome. This was a situation that is so clearly in the 1% of things that couldn’t have been fixed by her being there.

“Hey, there was nothing you could’ve done. Even if you got out before they reversed the Decimation, you would’ve died at Vormir and nothing would’ve changed. The only other option would be Clint dying and you living, and I doubt you want that option either. Not to mention you don’t know how to work a space ship or navigate space. You would’ve died in space before you could get back to Earth.” No matter how Shrek looks at it, there was no way she could’ve made it to Stark to help him. Honestly waiting in space was her best option, hands down.

“Okay but I could’ve gotten out right when you came and then we could’ve reached them right after they brought everyone back.”

“That would be impossible and you know that. It took us two days to reach Earth. Even if we got out the moment I was there, we still would’ve been four days late. There was nothing you could’ve done.”

“But I could’ve been there for Pepper. I could’ve been there for Morgan. I would know Morgan!”

“But you’re here on Earth now. And you’re not exactly with them right at this moment. There’s nothing you can change. I know it can be hard to see for yourself, but what happened to Stark was outside of your control.”

“Yeah, because you let go of the past so well.” That was uncalled for. Maria knows that Shrek is just lashing out because she’s feeling vulnerable but fuck if it doesn’t hurt. And frankly she’s tired of always being a punching bag.

“Sorry.” Shrek—no, Romanoff—whispers out loud.

“It’s okay.” Maria whispers back.

“You’re right.” Shrek goes back to knocking. “I just don’t get how something this big can happen and I can’t do literally anything. Especially not now. And you’re right, I would’ve jumped off the cliff. If the skrull gave Clint a run for his money, then our struggle would be nonexistent. I would’ve done it. And it wouldn’t have mattered. He’d still be gone.”

“It’s really better that you stayed there. Maybe you knew that.”

“I definitely didn’t know that. If I could’ve escaped, I would’ve.”

“Well I think where you are now, is a lot better than dead at the bottom of some crummy cliff.”

“Aw would you have missed me?”

“I never said that.”

“You were thinking it though.”

“Whatever, all I’m saying is that this group of people really look like it needs some cheering up. And I’m not just talking about Pepper and Morgan, even though they are a start. Stark had a pretty big impact on everyone. And I hate to admit it, but you also had at least a tiny impact on the same people. I’m sure they might like to know that you’re not at the bottom of a cliff.”

“Are you planning my return party?”

“I’m thinking floor length robes and lots of glitter.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“You might want someone else to help with the planning, considering I’m about seven years behind the times.”

“You say that like you weren’t already ahead of all technology by a decade. I mean you worked at SI. You even drove that damn space ship. That seems pretty damn up to date to me.”

“True. And I guess I was never up to date on any pop culture before this anyway.”

“Hey it could be worse; we could’ve been stuck as popsicles in ice for half a century.” Shit, Rogers. Maria doesn’t even know how to break the news to her. Truth is, Maria doesn’t really know much about Romanoff’s relationship with Rogers. Maria knows her own relationship with him and some of it does have to do with Romanoff. When they ran off together, it crossed Maria’s mind a few times that they were a couple. Okay maybe more than a few times, closer to a daily thought occurring in her mind. It was always taking up root in the back of her mind and poking at emotions she didn’t want to feel.

“About Rogers…”

“Fuck no. Donkey, don’t say what I think you’re about to say. He can’t be gone too.” Maria can feel her back move as she takes a shaky breath.

“He’s still alive.”

“But…”

“But…he’s not the same.”

“Just fucking tell me, stop being so damn cryptic. I can take it, rip off the damn band aid.”

“They got some of the stones from the past and Rogers went to return them. But he decided to stay in the past. He’s old. Like actually old.”

“No he wouldn’t do something that fucking stupid. This isn’t a funny joke. You don’t know him; he would never do that.”

“It’s not a joke. He gave his shield to Sam.”

“Does Pepper know where this old Steve is living?”

“Maybe.”

“I’m leaving first thing tomorrow.”

“Are you sure, we just got here?”

“I have to go. I won’t be able to do anything without seeing for myself.”

“I guess I’ll tell Pepper not to expect us for breakfast then.”

“You’re staying here. Someone needs to be here for them.”

“They’re not exactly the ones I’m worried about right now. They seemed to be fine to me before we got here. I’m coming with you.”

“You don’t need to come with me.”

“Then do it for Morgan. I’m so bad with kids. I would just make things worse here. Besides, you know I can just remove the starter or something so that the car won’t go.”

“Fine.”

“Colon end parenthesis.”

“Did you just make a smiley face using emoticons?”

“What, it’s not like you can see my face.”

“That is the dumbest thing.”

“Colon open parenthesis.”

“Your jokes are still horrid, Donkey. You can’t even justify yourself now. Come on, let’s get up before I push you in this creek.”

“Colon end parenthesis.”

“Goodbye, Donkey.”

“Bye, Shrek.”

Maria stands up and offers her hand to Romanoff. Romanoff takes it and she pulls her up.

“Let’s go eat. I’m starving.” Natasha complains, leading the way out of the woods.

“Are you saying you need more than stale cereal?”

“Hey, stop attacking my cereal. You know that’s the only thing I can make. Plus, it’s your fault I’m so hungry; you didn’t let me stop off at the McDonalds we passed!”

“You would’ve thrown it up. It’s plastic food. Now if there were a Wendy’s, that would’ve warranted stopping.”

“Food snob, even when it comes to fast food.” Romanoff rolls her eyes, holding back the branches for Maria to walk through.

“I’m sorry but Wendy’s is the only valid fast food restaurant. Their sea salt fries? Immaculate. The spicy nuggets? God tier. Their frostys? Beautiful creatures. Plus, their ice cream machines actually work.”

“The ice cream machine joke is so old.” Romanoff whines.

“Hey, I’m old. And it’s still probably relevant. I doubt an apocalypse suddenly made their ice cream machines work. Meanwhile I bet Wendy’s is still pumping out cold, creamy goodness.”

“You don’t know that.” Romanoff grumbles and Maria laughs. “Plus I’m technically older than you now. By almost three years even.” Maria hasn’t even considered that. That’s weird.

“Holy shit, I’m past 40.” Maria suddenly feels ancient. She pretty much just celebrated her 30th birthday. Honestly in her line of work, Maria had a strong suspicion she’d never reach her 40s. 

“You don’t look a day over 35.” Romanoff coos, batting her eyelashes up at her and smiling. 

“Thanks.” Maria rolls her eyes. The cabin is in her line of sight now.

The inside of the cabin is cute. Very Pepper like. It has that cozy feeling only a cabin really has. The dim, but warm, lighting and soft decorations are a welcome change from the bright lights and sharpness inside of the cell. Maria feels instantly relaxed walking through the door.

“There you two are.” Pepper says, looking up from her plate. “It was getting dark. I was worried you weren’t coming back for dinner. I apologize that Morgan and I started without you. But I have two places set so help yourselves. Make sure to wash your hands!”

“Thanks, mom.” Romanoff rolls her eyes and walks to what is probably the bathroom.

“It smells delicious.” Maria says. And it really does. Maria really hasn’t smelled actual food for a long time. She’s had stale bread, maybe a handful of apples, and bowl of lentils for over a year straight. The smell of actual spices is intoxicating. 

“It’s just spaghetti and meatballs. I figured I’d go with a classic food.”

“You’re the best, Pepper.” 

Maria washes up and sits down next to Pepper. Maria loves pasta. It’s her base food for pretty much everything. Seeing those shiny perfect strands of spaghetti on her plate is all it takes to bring tears to her eyes.

“You haven’t even tasted it yet.” Pepper shakes her head at them. Maria turns her head to see that Romanoff also has a similar look on her face.

Maria takes a sip of her water while Romanoff takes her first bite of the food. The second Romanoff’s mouth closes on the fork, her head goes back and a sound emerges from her. Maria almost spits out her damn water. She’s seen that exact face before and it should never be next to Morgan. Maria starts choking on her water, she wants to say it’s to distract Pepper and Morgan from Romanoff’s “moment” but she really is getting defeated by this singular sip of water.

“Maria!” Pepper exclaims and whacks Maria on the back. Maria puts her hand up, shooing Pepper away as she continues to hack on the water. 

“I’m okay!” Maria hacks out between coughs. Finally, her throat calms down and she can breathe again. 

“I’m good.” Maria repeats. Feeling embarrassed, Maria focuses her attention back on her food. She drops a forkful of the spaghetti in her mouth and oh wow did Romanoff have the right idea. This is the greatest thing she’s ever tasted. Her tongue is dancing. Her body is singing. Every fiber of her very being is rejoicing. 

It takes every ounce of her strength to not shovel the entire dish in her mouth. And then another. And then another. 

Once the plates are clear of food, Pepper and Maria go into the kitchen to do clean the dishes and Romanoff goes into the living room to play with Morgan. After staying relatively silent for most of dinner, Pepper was finally able to get Romanoff talking to Morgan. Maria figures she also knows how badly Romanoff wants to be close with Morgan.

Maria is washing the dishes and Pepper is drying.

“I feel so stupid.” Pepper signs as Maria hands over a dripping bowl. “I should’ve realized that you weren’t you. Granted I just thought being dust changed you and I didn’t want to push. But I should’ve known that Natasha was taken. She was living with us for almost two years and then all of a sudden she got distant. I would call her and she would just say that she was busy.”

“How could you have known aliens were impersonating your friend? It doesn’t feel real. Like that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard and I’ve even seen actual proof.” Maria points out, scrubbing a particularly difficult stone skillet.

“I just blamed it on Natasha’s tendency to run away. I didn’t even look into it. I knew damn well how excited she was for Morgan and to help with our family. I should’ve known.”

“Hey, like I already said to Romanoff, it worked out in the end. If you somehow figured it out and got her back, Romanoff would be lying dead at the bottom of a cliff right now. And I think she’d rather be here right now than there.” Maria nods over to the living room where Romanoff is twirling Morgan around in the air.

“Natasha be careful!” Pepper shouts just like a frantic mom would. “She just ate! Watch the lights!”

“Okay, mommy!” Morgan giggles as Romanoff tosses her on the couch. It looks like Romanoff has decided tickling is her next best bet. Morgan is now howling with laughter and kicking her legs out against Romanoff. 

Romanoff has the widest grin on her face. She has this certain twinkle in her eyes, making them a sparkling green. Her laugh is low and warm, washing over Maria even from afar. It fits so well with the feeling of the cabin. Romanoff belongs here. This is her home. And now there’s a deep constricting squeeze in her heart that has Maria wishing it were her home too.

“Cute, isn’t she?” Pepper asks, looking at Maria who’s just been staring into the living room, not washing any dishes.

“Hmm?” Maria looks over at Pepper, who’s now following her line of sight. Shit. “Um, who?”

“Morgan.” Pepper smiles. It seems innocent enough, but Maria knows that look. That’s the look she would give to her whenever she “casually” mentioned someone working at SI who she tried to hook Mara up with. That sneaky little bitch. Sharp as ever.

“Yeah, she’s adorable.” Maria agrees, hoping Pepper will drop it. She looks at Pepper and gives her a big smile, trying to convey that of course she was looking only at Morgan. Pepper glares at her for a few seconds, then silently takes the wet pan from Maria’s hands. Thank gods. Pepper is not going to pursue that line of questioning anymore.

Once the dishes are done, they head into the living room to see a worn out Morgan half asleep on Romanoff’s lap. Meanwhile Romanoff is French braiding her hair.

“Bed time, Morgan.” Pepper says, scooping Morgan out of Romanoff’s lap after Romanoff twists her hair off with a hair tie. 

“Mpph.” Morgan mumbles, flopping her drooping eyelids over her eyes.

“I think I’m going to bed too.” Pepper yawns. “Natasha knows where the guest bedroom and bathroom are. Goodnight.”

“Night, Peps.” Maria copies Pepper’s yawn. It’s been a long, long day and Maria didn’t even know how tired she actually was. Wait it’s been more than a day since she’s slept. She’s had to drive everywhere. She hasn’t closed her eyes for more than a few minutes in over two days. Maybe three days even. 

The tiredness hits her right away. Now it feels like her bones are melting away. The couch is looking cozier by the second.

“I think there should be two beds in the guest room.” Natasha says, standing up. She starts walking to the hall but Maria is staying put. She’s so tired. She might just fall asleep here.

“No, come on, Hill,” Romanoff pleads. “That couch is too small, even for me.”

“I’m tired.” Maria whines and flops face first into the couch cushions, ass still in the air. “I can’t move.”

“Come on, Hill, you’re gonna be driving tomorrow, you need sleep.”

“I’ll get sleep here.” Maria grumbles. The couch is so warm and soft. Maria doesn’t want to ever open her eyes, much less move.

“Come on, Hill.” Romanoff tries pulling her arm. All it does is cause Maria to fall completely on the couch.

“Noooo.” Maria whines, curling around a pillow on the couch.

“Up we go.” All of a sudden, Maria feels two warm hands curl around her body. Before she can protest, she’s being lifted into the air. 

“To the guest room we go.” Romanoff says, settling Maria into a bridal style carry. Maria looks up to glare at her, but her eyes drop close. Following her eyelids, her head lulls to the side, catching itself in the crook of Romanoff’s neck. 

Forget the couch, this is a much more comfortable position. Romanoff’s arms around her feel like pulling a heated blanket around her body. Her hair is silky soft, making for a great pillow. Maria breathes in its sweet apple and cinnamon smell. Maybe her hair smells like that too? She spent a while in Romanoff’s shower staring at that shampoo bottle in there. Apples and cinnamon. It just brought back so many memories.

“There you go.” Natasha says, and Maria can feel her body being placed on a bed.

“Cold.” Maria whines once Romanoff’s arms go away.

“Well then get under the covers.” Romanoff supplies. Maria just groans in response. So what if she’s cold? She’s so tired she’ll probably be asleep in a minute. Then she feels the fabric beneath her move. Romanoff is pulling out the covers from under her. The covers are then dragged over her body, to her chin. 

“Anything else I can do for you, princess?” Romanoff asks sarcastically.

“Nope.” Maria mumbles. Her body falls into unconsciousness after that.

Maria is woken up by a knock on the door. Just because she’s no longer sleeping doesn’t mean she wants to open her eyes or get up, so she just buries her face further into her pillow.

“Pepper?” A low, raspy voice in front of Maria calls out.

Maria can hear the door creak open a little as Pepper says, “Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you guys, I was just seeing if either of you wanted to go on a run or join me in yoga.”

“Yeah, I might go on a run in a few minutes. Just give me a bit to fully wake up. Hill might still be sleeping but she should be awake soon.” Pepper closes the door and it goes back to peaceful silence. Maria breathes in. Mmm apples and cinnamon. Apples and cinnamon?

“Hey, I know you’re up.” Romanoff mumbles in her low sleep filled voice. “I’m gonna go on a run and then we can talk to Pepper about Steve at breakfast?” Then Maria’s pillow begins to move and her arms get pulled upwards. She slowly opens her eyes a little to see that she’s completely grabbing Romanoff. Like, arms completely around her body, squeezing her for dear life, grabbing Romanoff. Shit.

Honestly right now Maria is too tired to react more than retracting her limbs.

“I thought you said there were two beds.” Maria mumbles, head back on her actual pillow.

“Pepper moved some things around. The guest bedroom used to be where Morgan’s is. This was my room.”

“Hmm.” Maria eloquently responds, already considering if she should take a nap.

“I should be back soon. You might wanna take up Pepper’s offer to exercise with her. It seems like she was pushing that option. Plus, I’ve been banned from doing yoga with her. She got annoyed with me showing off how flexible from ballet I am.” Hmm, flexible is right. Fuck, Maria’s sleepy brain is just letting any thought in. At least it has the decency to not say it out loud though.

“Fine.” Maria grumbles, removing herself from the pillow and sitting up. She sits up in time to see Romanoff taking her sweatshirt off along with her bra. Seeing Romanoff standing in front of her half naked is… weird.

It’s not that either of them really cared much about modesty. Hell even before Budapest they would shower in the communal showers after sparring and be completely fucking naked. Who cares? 

It’s just that her body is like everything else Maria’s seen since she’s come back: the very same, yet different. There’re more scars scattered around, less muscle from malnutrition, and paler. She still has the long, winding vine of roses she got tattooed on her back along with the lamb. Roses were always Romanoff’s favorite flower: pretty yet dangerous. It’s easy to see where she thought the one up. The lamb Maria’s always been unsure of the meaning behind. Romanoff would always dodge the question when she would inquire about it, so she just gave up asking.

Romanoff turns around and holds her gaze as she puts on a sports bra. Maria’s eyes lower. That’s different. On her right ribcage is a large tattoo of an owl. 

“It’s an owl.” Romanoff says, pulling the sports bra halfway over the tattoo. “I got it a couple of months before the Decimation I think.”

“Why an owl?” Maria tries to push her luck. Romanoff seems weirdly chatty right now for once.

“I don’t know. I just kept seeing owls.”

“And so putting one on your body made you stop seeing them?”

“Nope, but it looks cool.” Romanoff smirks and starts walking out of the door until she pauses. “And it looks like Pepper is about to start her yoga so I’d get your lazy ass up.”

“I’m already half way there.” Maria argues. Fuck Romanoff and Pepper for making her leave this beautiful bed.

Romanoff leaves the room and Maria finally gets up and goes over to where Romanoff got her clothes. Not really caring whose clothes these are, she throws on shorts and a sports bra and calls it good enough.

Maria peaks her head out of the door to see Pepper starting to stretch.

“Morning, Peps.” Maria says, padding over to her.

“Hey, Maria, would you want to do some yoga with me?”

“Sure. Heard you banned Romanoff from this. Should I be worried you go through partners too fast?”

“Natasha tell you that?” Pepper asks.

Maria, not seeing yet that she’s falling into Pepper’s perfectly weaved trap, answers, “Yep.”

“Are you two friends?” Maria raises her eyebrow at her. What’s Pepper trying to fish out here? It’s not like she told Pepper anything about her and Romanoff. Not even that one night after the Accords.

Maria shrugs. “More like allies for now I guess. Which is a step up from enemies. But I have a feeling it’ll go back that way after all of this is sorted out.”

“I could’ve sworn you two were friends.”

“Nope. If you look back in some of the S.H.I.E.L.D records, you’ll see that we had one of the most infamous rivalries at S.H.I.E.L.D. Couldn’t put us on the same mission together. Not after the disaster of the first one. I said I’d never work with her again and she said she’d never work with me.”

Wow, thinking back to their very first mission. That was such a long time ago. It was all the way in 2006. Which was Maria’s second, almost third, year at S.H.I.E.L.D, second month in charge of a mission. She heard of course of the Black Widow being recruited to S.H.I.E.L.D. How Coulson’s specialist Barton brought in a rogue Black Widow, instead of piercing her with an arrow. S.H.I.E.L.D was torn. Half the agents were outraged that they were trying to give redemption to a mass murderer and the other half was glad to have such a high asset on their side. Of course Maria was on the secret third side, which was she didn’t fucking care, because what was done was done and it didn’t really affect her in any way. Really these agents needed to get their own hobby or something.

As quickly as the murmurs about the Black Widow started, they ended. It was almost like she had gone into hiding. The rumors were flying around though: S.H.I.E.L.D gave her back to the Russia, S.H.I.E.L.D was ordered to kill her, she escaped, etc. 

Maria started to work her way up from getting the orders to giving them. She wanted to make sure that she was getting good information and that good information was being given to those below her. She refused to be as blind as she was in the military. No, Maria wanted to make a decent organization. One that wasn’t a sellout and corrupt. An organization that wasn’t killing innocent people under the façade of “freedom.”

The only person she could really trust was herself. Except maybe for Coulson and Carter, who despite her initially pushing away, were growing on her. 

A few weeks before her first job as handler, the Black Widow emerged again. She was cleared for duty after undergoing some kind of deprogramming. “Angled solely toward America’s ideals” was what they called it. “Bullshit” was what Maria called it. If her ideals were in fact changed then they would’ve had to brainwash her and Maria would have to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. She didn’t stand for brainwashing no matter the intent. 

Maria was born to be a handler. Quick and efficient was her preferred method of working. She was always prepared for every situation. “Over prepared” some people might have grumbled. But then again they were just furious at being shown up by S.H.I.E.L.D’s only female handler.

Maria worked seamlessly with every field agent they gave her to command. Even those that at first refused to work under a young female handler could get behind Maria’s ability to lead. 

That was until Maria was given a mission with the Black Widow. Of course they didn’t tell her it was the Black Widow. Natalia Romanova was the name that was provided for her, along with a picture.

Maria could see how pretty she was from the picture. Even S.H.I.E.L.D’s shitty printer ink didn’t subtract from that. The mission would still be one of stealth, which was always a little trickier with a pretty agent. People always tended to draw their eyes to pretty people.

But it was a simple enough mission, not meaning that Maria didn’t have three other back up plans. Listed in order of course.

On the day of the mission, Maria greeted Agent Romanova with a strong handshake. Agent Romanova looked back at her with an equally blank face. Agent Romanova’s hand grasped hers a little firmer. It probably would’ve hurt most people, but Maria was not most people. So Agent Romanova wanted to show dominance? Let her have this, but she needed to know in the field, Maria had ultimate authority. 

Maria tightened her grip as well. Agent Romanova looked surprised for half a second before her lips curled in a smirk. She tightened her grip just a little more before dropping her hand altogether.

The start of the mission went smoothly enough. Agent Romanova was listening to her directions and the target was outside the building. Now all that needed to be done was have Agent Romanova sneak into the building to get the files.

“There should be a door to the left” Maria said into the microphone connected to the earpiece in Agent Romanova’s ear. Except Agent Romanova turned right, heading straight for their target.  
“Romanova, turn around!” Maria demanded. “Do not engage with the target. We want the files he has, not him!” Agent Romanova continued walking straight at him

“Romanova! This is your handler ordering you to turn around!” Agent Romanova turned off the earpiece. Turned it off! Fuck! Who the hell was this asshole? Out of all the ways Maria has been disrespected, this has got to be up there.

Maria watched in horror as Agent Romanova talked with the target. Was she flirting with him? That was not in any of her plans! That was the worst way to get things from people. It made things messy. Agent Romanova could’ve slipped in and out easily. 

Agent Romanova and the target walked into the building together. The building that she could’ve already entered and exited from!

Agent Romanova was able to secure the files, but not after making the mission at least an hour or two longer than it needed to be.

“Sir, she directly disobeyed my orders.” Maria said to Director Fury. After asking around the people above her, they eventually pointed her to the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. She had to make sure this reckless rookie was taken out of field work.

“I was following my instincts.” Agent Romanova countered, looking far too casual sitting on a chair with her feet propped up on Director Fury’s desk. Who did this rookie think she was? “I wanted to make sure he didn’t know any more useful information.”

“And did he?” Director Fury asked, somehow looking at both of them with his one eye.

“Nope.” Agent Romanova said. “He didn’t even know the importance of those files. I think someone was using him.”

“Which was already determined beforehand, sir.” Maria pointed out. “I came to that conclusion when looking at the files on the case yesterday. I did extensive research to plan out the best strategy for today. It was a simple in and out mission and Agent Romanova ruined that.”

“I wasn’t sure if that was the case.” Agent Romanova shrugged.

“Yes you did, Agent Romanova.” Maria grit her teeth. “I gave you the case file and my notes yesterday to read.”

“I didn’t read them.” Maria was livid now. She made sure that Agent Romanova was in the loop. And Romanova just didn’t care. Maria wasn’t afforded the luxury of looking at her handlers’ cases when she was a new field agent. Looking at cases was not the normal protocol. Maria went out of her way to make sure that her agents had a surplus of information. That they were never left in the dark. And this rookie had everything available to her and didn’t even bother glancing at her page of condensed notes about the job. Un-fucking-believable. 

“Sir, I believe her to be reckless and unfit for field work. She’s too dangerous to be sent out on a mission if she can’t even do a simple in and out mission correctly.”

“Sir.” Agent Romanova mocked. “I believe her to be too reliant on the case and unfit to adapt. Which is crucial as a handler.” Maria glared at her. Was she trying to get Maria kicked out of her job? Oh that was low. She was the one that messed up the mission!

“Agents, I need you both to stand down. As far as this goes, this mission was a success.”

“It was not a success.” Both agents said at the same time.

“If you won’t remove her from the field, at least give me form 31g to fill out so I can have her removed from my team.” Maria said, frustrated. “I refuse to work with her.”

“Me too.” Agent Romanova mimicked. “I refuse to work with this hardass.” Director Fury rolled his eye but got out the forms for them to fill out.

“Anything else or are we done here?” Director Fury asked bored.

“I want to change my name.” Agent Romanova stated. Maria looked up from her form confused.

“What to and why?” Fury sighed, pulling out another form to fill out.

“Natasha Romanoff.” Agent Romanova—now Romanoff—said proudly. “Aka the Black Widow.” Maria’s eyes widened. The Black Widow? Like Red Room KGB Black Widow? The one that burned down an entire school of children and would shock her victims to death? That Black Widow?

“And why would you like it changed, Agent Romanoff?” Fury asked, writing down the new name.

“I don’t like the way she says ‘Romanova.’” Agent Romanoff said, glaring at Maria. Oh fuck her, Black Widow or not, it was on. Maria Hill never backed down from a challenge in her life.

From that day on, it was an unspoken rule that Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill were in some kind of eternal battle. There was even a scoresheet that was kept in the office on who had the better success rate for missions. Both agents were trying to prove that they were better so that the problem was with the other agent.

Field day games became a battle ground. Paintballing, balancing an egg on a spoon, chubby bunny, no game was off limits. While all the other agents were enjoying their day off for these games, Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill were in an intense standoff. The agents would crowd around them, drinking beer and placing bets on who would win. Team Romanoff or Team Hill was a popular ice breaker question to ask people around the ship.

Director Fury didn’t care, as long as they did it in their down time and it didn’t affect their work.

So no, Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill weren’t friends.

Maria is broken out of her memories when Pepper says, “You two always acted civil at Avengers functions, even Tony’s bonding time when there was no press. You didn’t have to pretend to be friends there.”

Maria shrugs, “Why bring our problems onto everyone else?”

“Hmmm.” Pepper hums, but leaves it at that. 

“We were going to mention this at breakfast, but Romanoff wants to go see Rogers. Do you happen to know where he lives?”

“He lives in a suburb in Maryland near DC. It isn’t too far from here. I can give you the address.”

“Thanks. We were thinking about going right after breakfast too.”

“So soon?”

“Yeah, Romanoff was acting really weird about it. Which I get. So we’re leaving first thing.”

After Maria finishes speaking, Romanoff walks in, sweaty from her run.

“Hey, Pep, can I join?”

“You know your place.” Pepper gives a mock glare. Romanoff places her hand on her heart in over exaggerated pain.

“Do you mind if I take a shower?” She asks.

“Have at it. I should have breakfast when you’re done.”

“You’re the best, Peps!”

“Oh wait, Romanoff!” Maria calls out before Romanoff can close the door of the bathroom.

“Yeah?” Romanoff peaks her head out of the door at her.

“Pepper knows Rogers’s address, so we can leave right after breakfast.”

“Perfect!” Romanoff disappears back into the bathroom. The sound of water starts up.

Maria turns around to see Pepper smirking at her with her damn eyebrow raised again.

“What?” Maria questions.

“Oh nothing.” Pepper leaves it at that.

After breakfast, they gather their small bit of luggage and put it in the car. They say their goodbyes to Pepper and Morgan, who is still sporting Romanoff’s braid from last night. They promise to come right back after they see Rogers. 

They’re just about to leave before Pepper comes up to their car.

“Wait!” Pepper shouts, jogging over to them. “I need to talk to Nat about something.” Romanoff and Maria look at each other both confused. Romanoff slowly unbuckles her seat belt and slides out of the car.

“We’ll just be a sec.” Pepper says, dragging away a confused Romanoff. That’s weird. Whatever. Maria’s not hurt that Pepper didn’t include her in this super-secret talk. Nope. She’s just having fun in this car. Alone.

Maria sighs and checks the map one more time to triple check that she knows where they’re going.

“Alright let’s go.” Romanoff slides back into the car and clicks in her seat belt.

“What’d Pepper talk to you about?” Maria asks, hoping it sounds casual and not at all nosey. 

“Steve.” Romanoff answers. She looks out the passenger widow and waves back at Pepper. Oh of course it would be about Rogers. She was probably preparing Romanoff for what she might see. I mean it can’t be easy to see your friend? Boyfriend? Fiancé? Husband??? Suddenly as an old man. Maybe Maria should’ve been firmer on not seeing him. A little too late now.

The ride is quiet and uneventful. They don’t joke about the Stark signs everywhere anymore. Each one feels like daggers in Maria’s very soul.

They end up parked outside a small old yellow house in the Maryland suburbs. 

“This is it.” Maria says, getting out of the car.

“This is it,” Romanoff repeats slowly. 

They walk up the overgrown walkway to the front door. Maria knocks twice on the door. The two of them wait there, staring at the splintering white door. 

She can hear the sound of a lock turning. And then the door knob turns. 

The door opens to reveal an old man. An old man that happens to share a lot of features as Steve Rogers.

“Natasha, are you here to take me to heaven?” He asks in his old man voice. That’s too weird. Maria hates that sound. Her and old men don’t usually tend to get along well. Old men tend to dislike powerful women. Especially those who work in a field considered only for men. Especially those who are the second in command at said field. Especially those that are lesbians. 

“I’m not dead.” Romanoff says carefully. “Not that I can say the same for you.”

The old man cackles, “Sharp as ever, Widow. I missed that fire. Come in, come in. It might rain soon.”

“Are you afraid you’ll melt?” Romanoff quips.

“Melt? I’m afraid I don’t follow. I just don’t want you girls getting cold.” Maria hates being called a girl; old men say that to make women seem younger than they are to cause them to be vulnerable.

His home smells like old people, like the very house is decaying along with him. Maria feels uncomfortable in here. Everything is screaming at her to leave. All the war memorabilia is disgusting. There’s stuff from every war it seems, no matter how pointless and terrible they were. No one should be this open about celebrating mass murder.

There are souvenirs from all of them. Including a framed picture of some guys in cameo smiling and holding up a Captain America shield. Maria might vomit. They’re standing in the desert. A desert she recognizes. She needs to get out of this house.

It’s like her hell house: old men and wars. She needs to leave, but she can’t leave Romanoff. So far, Romanoff has been pretty fine though. Maybe she can get a little air to get the smell of stale out of her nose. 

“Can I interest you girls in something to eat or drink?” Rogers asks them, hobbling to the kitchen. 

“No thanks.” Maria grits her teeth. Maria had her one sided problems with normal Rogers. She can’t handle old Rogers.

“I’ll have an onion.” Romanoff says politely. That’s weird. Who eats a raw onion for a snack?

“Always the strangest of tastes, Widow.” Rogers laughs.

“You know,” Romanoff calls out, “they call the onion the ‘ogre’ of all foods.” Really, another Shrek reference? Maria rolls her eyes.

“Huh, I didn’t know that.” Rogers says. The fridge door is slammed shut and he walks back over to them with an onion in his hand.

He makes in only a few feet in front of them, before two bullets are shot directly into his skull and chest.

“Romanoff!” Maria screams in horror at the stone faced Romanoff holding a glock, still cocked in her hands and aimed at Rogers. 

Maria watches in horror as the Sentinel of Liberty’s body collapses to the ground, the flowing blood turning the white carpet into the American flag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reminder that Maria Hill is anti military as she should be.


	10. The Washing Away of Fears & the Dirtying of Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, the backstory in this chapter kinda got away from me in terms of length. So there's not too much plot going forward here but I promise it's not a filler. Just lots of needed backstory.

Natasha watches as the blood spills onto the ground. She hasn’t shot anything in five years. It’s nice to know that her aim isn’t off.

“Romanoff!” Hill is still screaming at her, shaking her body. Maybe she thinks Natasha was possessed or something and was in a trance. Maybe she is. She’s standing over the body of her best friend. She should feel something.

But he isn’t her best friend.

“Romanoff!” Hill smacks her clear across the face. It stings and snaps Natasha’s attention to Hill, but she still keeps an eye, and her gun, on Steve.

“Romanoff. What have you done?” Hill’s eyes are wide and panicked. She really did try to communicate to her what she was going to do. But Hill never did know Steve as well as she did. 

She didn’t know him well enough to know that he would NEVER call her Widow. He would ask her countless times why she kept going as Black Widow, even though that title was associated with the Red Room. He always told her she should change it. But the Black Widow title is a part of her. The Red Room shaped her in more irreversible ways than a name.

And not to mention, Steve knows his references. He makes a point to point out every pop culture reference he can. Natasha knows for sure he’s seen Wizard of Oz and Shrek hundreds of times. There’s no way he wouldn’t know what she was talking about.

The Steve on the ground starts to twitch and Natasha lowers her gun at him.

“Romanoff!” Hill is still yelling. “Romanoff, talk to me!” Hill turns around and finally sees what Natasha’s been looking at: a skrull lying dead on the ground.

“Holy shit.” She whispers. Satisfied that the skrull is actually dead, Natasha puts the gun back in its holster. 

“We should probably search the place and then get out. I’m guessing that the skrull already notified the others that we’re here.”

“Yeah…” Hill says, sounding dazed. Honestly Natasha would be too if her mind wasn’t already shut off and running on instinct. Really Natasha’s mind has been shut off for a while now. Since they left Pepper’s cabin that is. Ever since she finished her talk with Pepper.

Natasha had no idea what Pepper wanted when she dragged her into the house right before they were about to go. It seemed urgent, but why did it only matter to her? Everything that was happening now was more of a her and Hill thing, instead of just a her thing. It probably had to do with Steve. Pepper didn’t really get a chance to talk to her one on one about him like she did with Hill. But still, why couldn’t she just talk to her in the car?

Pepper sat down on the couch and gestured to Natasha to sit down next to her. 

Natasha didn’t even get to ask her what was happening before Pepper blurted out, “Are you and Maria friends?” That was the big thing Pepper wanted to know about? 

Natasha snorted and said, “You could’ve just asked me this in the car. We’re not friends and I’m sure Hill would agree. It’s not a secret. We’re working together because we have to.”

“Were you two ever friends?” Why was Pepper so insistent on knowing if they were friends? It shouldn’t matter what they were in the past. All that mattered was the present. And in the present they hated each other.

“Yeah, I guess we were friends.”

“When?”

“When what?”

“When did you become friends?” Now Natasha wasn’t exactly sure what criteria that would be. Was it the first time they used each other’s first names? Or the first time they did something together that wasn’t kept track of on a white board in the break room? If the latter was true, then Natasha guessed that it must’ve been all the way back in 2007, about two years after she joined S.H.I.E.L.D and a year after her deprogramming and beginning of the feud with Hill. 

Natasha would wake up early every morning, earlier than everyone on the ship. That was due to the serum not requiring her to sleep much and the frequent nightmares she had when she did sleep. So Natasha would be in the open gym every morning by herself.

It was relaxing. She enjoyed not being watched by everyone. She was truly happier in the shadows where no one could see her. She liked not being watched as if she were the entertainment.

But that day she wasn’t alone. Not even ten minutes into her routine, she heard the door to the gym opening. She whipped around to stare into the eyes of fucking Maria Hill. 

They frowned and stared at each other but ultimately said nothing to each other. After the staring, Hill walked silently over to the locker room to put her stuff away. Natasha shifted her focus back onto the punching bag in front of her.

In all their competitions they never actually had a sparring fight. Maybe because there would blatantly be lots of people there, or maybe it would be such a final end to their fighting. Like they were saving that hallowed fight for last. That fight would be for all the marbles. 

And the thing was that Natasha knew she would win the fight. How could she not? Trained since the age of three and had serum injected into her. No one could ever come close to her. And Natasha may hate Hill, but at least fighting with her gave Natasha something to do on this boring ship.

No one else in their right mind would ever want to pick a fight with the Black Widow. Honestly Natasha was confused that Hill didn’t let up even after she dropped her alias that time in Fury’s office. The very mention of the Black Widow usually sent people running for the hills, no pun intended, before the words even finished forming on her lips. 

Natasha was halfway into her routine when she started hearing noises. Hill was grunting too loud. Natasha was used to silence. Hearing Hill huff and puff was annoying. Natasha made noises too but this was her gym, not Hill’s. There was no reason for Hill to be blowing enough hot air to take down all of the Three Little Pigs’ houses.

Natasha began to over exaggerate her noises. Whenever she would so much as move her arm, she would make a noise. See how Hill likes it.

Hill must’ve caught on, because soon Hill was practically yelling every second. Not one to be out done, Natasha started yelling too. 

“Just come over here and fucking fight me already!” Hill shouted, turning to Natasha, arms already held up to spar. Natasha was fed up with Hill. She was sick of her demanding attitude. She was sick of the way that she carried herself: all high and mighty. She was sick of the way she kept getting promoted. She was sick that her entitled ass had a higher clearance level than she did. She was absolutely pissed whenever she would tell her that something was classified. Most of all she was done with her stupid noises and interrupting her morning and the only decent part of her day. 

Fuck. Maria. Hill.

Natasha charged at her. She would wipe that stupid look off her face real quick. Natasha blitzed to the left of her, dodging a punch Hill sent her way. She tried to sweep her feet under Hill to take her out, but Hill jumped over her like a fucking jump rope. Hill was able to land a punch on her shoulder but that let Natasha grab her arm and throw her to the side. Hill rolled on the ground and popped back up. 

Natasha ran at her again, this time aiming high instead of low. Hill grabbed her leg before it collided with her face. Natasha hooked her other leg under her arm so that when Hill threw her, she just twisted into Hill’s back, taking them both down. 

They awkwardly rolled on the ground until Hill was lying stomach down on the ground with Natasha on top of her. Natasha was able to land a few punches into her head and side before Hill grabbed her legs with her thighs and did a hand spring off the ground, flipping them. What was happening? No one had done that before, that was more of a fake pro wrestling move than actual fighting. Granted Natasha had never fought as wild as this before, but the moves Hill was doing were ridiculous. But the annoying thing was they were working.

Now Natasha was the one on the ground and Hill was punching at her. Natasha dodged most of them, but not all. Hill was deceptively fast and she threw a mean punch. The ones that connected sent Natasha’s head into the ground. Finally, Natasha was able to grab her wrist, pulling Hill off of her. Hill jumped back up, as did Natasha. This bitch didn’t quit, did she? Didn’t she know it was a pointless fight? She wouldn’t win.

Again and again they went at it. Natasha would charge. They would do some fighting standing up. Then they would take it to the ground. Then the cycle would start all over again.

Natasha was pissed. She was the Black Widow. Who the fuck did this person think she was? Hill wasn’t taken at three years old. She didn’t kill her friends at five. She didn’t get passed around by hundreds of men when she was nine so that she could learn how to satisfy men properly. She wasn’t the KGB’s prized assassin by the age of eleven. No. She grew up probably in some American suburbs with her mom and dad. Maybe she even had a fucking hamster or a damn elementary school church festival goldfish. Then she decided to go into the military, like they weren’t starting wars where they didn’t belong and killing innocent people, just so she could brag to people that she deserved respect. It wasn’t fair. Natasha earned the right to this fight damnit! She wasn’t going to best Natasha in this fight! Natasha had lost so much in her life already; she wouldn’t lose this fucking fight too.

Something feral inside Natasha broke. Suddenly they weren’t in the S.H.I.E.L.D training gym, they were in a damp cellar in the Red Room. And Hill was just another girl Natasha had to fight to the death or else they would kill her. Win or die. It was a dog fight and Natasha had a leash tight around her neck. Win or die. Natasha could hear the click of a handgun putting a bullet in place as her handler pointed it at her head, daring her to end to fight in a draw. Win or die. Natasha was just a character in a game and that gun was the controller. Win or die. She did not live, she just existed, but at least she wasn’t dead. Win or die. Win. Die. Win. WIN. WIN! Natasha would WIN!

When they both got up again, Natasha charged, opting for a side round house kick. Sensing what Natasha was going to do, Hill stood ready to catch her leg. But Natasha saw that and turned in the air so that she hit Hill’s knees with her fist, leaving Hill kneeling on the ground. 

Natasha then went to work, throwing well aimed punches at every part of her body. Each block Hill made fueled Natasha’s rage. She punched harder, faster.

She heard Hill’s shoulder crack. She kept going. 

She bent Hill’s arms back until they were bowed. She kept going.

She smacked Hill’s face until blood pooled. She kept going.

Kill or die. Kill or die. KILL OR DIE. KILL OR DIE!

At one point, Hill was able to grab one of her arms and pulled her down. With Natasha’s head lowered, Hill head butted her. Hard. Shit, Hill had the world’s thickest skull. Natasha’s eyesight was so blurry that she couldn’t see Hill charging at her. Hill grabbed Natasha around the waist and threw them both into the wall.

Pain. Natasha was in so much pain. It looked like Hill was too because she wasn’t moving on the ground. Fuck. Natasha could’ve killed Hill. It was like when Natasha snapped, she lost all control over her body. Honestly the last few minutes of the fight were a blur. They were fuzzy images of blood that Natasha couldn’t see clearly.

The doctors said after the deprogramming that something like that would never happen again. And she believed them. She didn’t kill a single person she spared against while at S.H.I.E.L.D. But Hill… Somehow her brain told her that Hill was different. That she was a threat. She would’ve killed her if she weren’t thrown off. She should’ve killed her. She’d killed people by doing less.

But the scariest part was that her loss of control proved that the Red Room still had her under their hold. She was still theirs. They implanted a trigger so deep into core that the entire S.H.I.E.L.D medical staff didn’t even know it was there. How many more triggers were there? 

“Truce?” Natasha coughed out.

“Done with your little temper tantrum?” Hill gargled out, her mouth filled with blood. 

“Me? What the fuck was that?” Natasha knew she should apologize or explain what happened. Anything other than argue again. But what if Hill took her out of the field? No matter how much the fact irked her, Hill was in fact a superior officer. If she accepted blame for what she did, Hill would be able to throw her out of S.H.I.E.L.D even. She couldn’t go back to being freelance, not again. So she just needed to keep deflecting everything. But fuck why was she feeling so guilty?

“You didn’t fight fair so I didn’t fight fair. It was messy and frantic, but just messy and frantic enough to match what you were already doing.”

“Next time can we fight in the ring?” Natasha wanted to figure her out. Was she fighting badly because of her emotions or was Hill actually good? She should’ve beat Hill in an instant. Was Hill more than just a pencil pusher? Not to mention, Natasha needed to find out the trigger. She couldn’t go to the medical staff, so it was up to her. She couldn’t have another break like that again, or next time Hill won’t be able to get back up.

“And fight like actual normal people?”

“I guess.”

“Remember that normal sparring doesn’t usually end up with someone dead.” Did Hill know what her training was telling her? 

“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t mean to try to kill you. But I promise I will control it better.” This was Natasha trying to apologize. It was honestly the closest she had ever come to saying “I’m sorry” in her life. It still felt weird to say. Widows weren’t made to take blame; she was taught that collateral damage was a way of life. Appologizing made you weak. Not to mention her slip up of admitting she wasn’t 100% in control of her actions. But something in her told her that she needed Hill to know that she didn’t want her badly hurt. That it was more important that Hill trusted her than staying silent but blame free.

“Fine. It’s a deal then.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Considering I can barely breathe right now and I’m pretty sure my nose is broken, I’m going to have to go with a later date.”

“You may be valid.” Natasha slumped against the wall. She was going to have some terrible bruising tomorrow. They just sat there in silence, trying to catch their breath.

“It’s almost 7.” Natasha said, rolling over to Hill. “People will start coming into the gym in like 20 minutes.” Hill groaned, but managed to pry her body off the ground. She lowered her hand down to Natasha. Natasha eyed it suspiciously.

“I’m not going to flip you.” Hill rolled her eyes. “Just take my damn hand.” Natasha did and Hill pulled her up to her feet. Natasha let out a low grunt as a thank you. They walked over to the locker room together.

Natasha pulled out her bag of shower shit and walked into the communal shower. She striped her bloody and sweaty clothes off her body. Natasha looked over to see Hill struggling to grab her sports bra. Natasha cringed when she realized that Hill probably couldn’t use her arms very much. According to a fuzzy memory of her mind screaming at her to go for Hill’s arms, she definitely tried to snap them at some point during the fight.

“Here, let me,” she said, moving next to her. Hill didn’t put up a fight, so she pealed her bra off her body. After the bra was off, Hill raised her eyebrows at her. Natasha followed her gaze down to her shorts. Well she did almost break her arms, helping her get undressed wasn’t that bad as a form of reprimands. So Natasha pulled down Hill’s shorts and thong, helping her step out of them. 

“Don’t tell me you want me to wash you too.” Natasha groaned when Hill looked at her again. Surely she should be able to get back to her own damn shower now.

“I told you that you went too far. Maybe I went far too, but you went farther. My nose is still bleeding.” Sure enough, blood was still trickling down from her nose onto the white shower tile and down the drain. “Not to mention my arms are almost useless.”

“Fine.” Natasha walked over to her soap.

“I have my own stuff.” Maria nodded over to her collection of soaps sitting near her. “And I expect the works. There better not be any blood or dust left on my body.” Natasha rolled her eyes but walked over to her stuff. She dumped a large heap of lavender soap onto a washcloth and started scrubbing Hill’s body. 

Now Natasha has taken her fair share of showers with women, but she’s never actually had to wash any of them. Showers with others were usually a quick fuck. Natasha would slam the woman up against the wall as her fingers pounded inside of her, her other hand holding her back against them wall. Really the only time she would touch any other part of her was when the woman’s legs would buckle and she’d have to grab her before she hit the ground.

But this, this was a new sensation. She never took the time to feel the smooth, wet skin under her fingers. The way her hands traced every single curve. And the legs. Those legs went on forever. 

Natasha’s back was hurting so she didn’t want to bend down to wash them, so she grabbed one and placed it over her shoulder as she squatted a little. Hill gave her a confused look but eventually just closed her eyes again. Natasha rolled the wash clothed from her ankle to her thigh, just stopping short of her pussy. 

Natasha knew very few people who went completely bare like she did. Then again the Red Room removed most of the hair on her body, so it really wasn’t a self-made choice. 

Natasha rubbed the washcloth gently inside her thigh where there was a big gash dripping a tad bit of blood. Her thighs were so soft, yet firm. She could feel the muscle on her body. Curves of muscle on top of the curves of her body. Damn if Natasha didn’t appreciate a beautiful woman. If this were anyone other than jackass Hill, Natasha would be drooling a little.

After washing the legs, she dragged the wash cloth up her hips. She circled around her body to her ass. It definitely had the least amount of damage. There were no cuts or bruising there: just smooth curves. She trailed it up her back, drawing it up her spine. Her back held lots of scars that weren’t caused from their fight. But then again, that was the norm for the job they were in. 

Natasha went back to the front of her body. Her chest was bruised and a purple color. She could have cracked ribs. Natasha pushed on them a little, and watched as Hill’s eyes twitched in pain. Definitely a few cracked ribs. 

Natasha washed her tits and made sure not to press too hard on them. They were just enough to hold in her hand perfectly, nipples a rusty brown color and erect from the cool air in the room as opposed to the warm water of the shower. Fuck Natasha needed to get laid soon, she had almost forgotten how good it felt to have a pair of tits in her hands. 

She trailed past the boobs to the clavicle. Hill tilted her head back, giving Natasha room to wash her neck. That was a sign of trust. Even for animals, offering the inner neck was only to be done for the trusted. That was where the carotid artery was, the most important artery. One nick to it and you would be dead in seconds. Hill was showing her that she trusted her, which was a little confusing since she could’ve killed her just a few minutes ago. Nonetheless, Natasha made sure to gently go over her neck to show that she could be trusted. She wasn’t going to hurt her. The Natasha that lost control wasn’t her.

Natasha could feel the fluttering of Hill’s heartbeat under her hand. She could feel it start to slow down after it was clear that Natasha wasn’t going to hurt her. Wasn’t going to take advantage of her. Natasha could feel her own heartbeat slow as well. It was calming, to know that Hill didn’t see her like a monster, even though she had every right to. The Red Room wanted her to be feared by all. Yet here Hill was, exposing the most vulnerable part of her body to her, and her heartbeat was steady. She wasn’t scared. It was almost like a slight to the Red Room.

Now Natasha moved on to the arms. She made sure to be the most careful where it was swollen and purple. Which seemed to be most of her arms. Hopefully they were just strains, but she might’ve fractured something too. She can feel a weird bump in her left shoulder. Her shoulder must’ve popped out.

“I’m gonna put your shoulder back in.” Natasha murmured in her ear. “This will hurt.” Maria didn’t even open her eyes. Natasha put one hand on her chest and one on the shoulder and quickly snapped them into place. Hill swore and scrunched her eyes up harder. That should help with her arm movement. 

Natasha got a different wash cloth for her face and gently scrubbed at the scratches and cuts there. The eyes looked fine now but they would start to form purple and swell tomorrow. She puts the washcloth around her nose, trying to feel it. It definitely felt broken. Hill opened her eyes and placed her hand over Natasha’s, taking the washcloth from her. 

Natasha took her shampoo and lathered it in her hair, getting out all the blood and dirt from it. It smelled nice, like vanilla. Natasha always loved the flavor of vanilla, chocolate or strawberry were always too sweet for her. 

After Natasha finished washing Hill, she went back to her own shower. She was trying to get a cut she knew she had on her back, but it seemed like it was dead center. And although Hill didn’t try to snap her arms, they still didn’t have their full range of motion.

“Here,” Hill whispered to her. “I can do it.” She handed Hill the washcloth filled with her honey scented soap. She shivered at Hill’s gentle touch. This was such an odd feeling to her. Normally when she was naked with another person things wouldn’t be so gentle. The only feeling on her back would be nails scraping down, tearing it up. Such a contrast to now, where it was almost like Hill was repairing her back.

She felt her fingers drag up her back in a smooth line. Hill was probably looking at her tattoo. It was a long vine of roses with a lamb in the middle. She got it to remind herself of her debt she needed to pay. The debt to the little boy on fire. That small innocent lamb she didn’t protect. But now she would be like the roses, fighting to keep the lamb safe. 

After their shower and change of clothes, they parted their separate ways.

“Wait!” Natasha called out before Hill could leave. “Would you want to get coffee in the common room?” And that was the start of their relationship. Friendship? Partnership? Natasha didn’t know. But after that they would spar every day, never again was it so wild and uncontrolled though. They would then take a shower, no longer would they wash each other, and drink coffee in the common room. It was…nice.

It wasn’t until much later that she found out that Hill’s normal morning routine used to be going on the treadmill and doing free-weights in the other gym. She just came to the training gym that day because the other gym was getting cleaned that morning. That meant that Hill changed her entire routine for the rest of her S.H.I.E.L.D days just so she could spar in the mornings with Natasha. And Natasha knew how anal she was about scheduling, so that was a big deal. But Hill trusted her. Like actual trust and Natasha had to prove that Hill could trust her as well.

And so Natasha told Pepper about that day, to prove that their old rivalry wasn’t what it used to be. Granted she left out the shower part and the part where she almost killed Hill. But the other stuff still stayed in.

Pepper raised her eyebrow at her and asked, “So then what changed?”

“What do you mean?” Natasha was trying to figure out how much Pepper knew. If she meant why they weren’t close anymore or the change after Budapest.

“I know it was you who called Tony, don’t even try to deny it.” Pepper glared at her. “No one else would have his number. And don’t blame him, he never told me who called him. I just remember waking up to him nudging me and telling me that I had to check on Maria that very instant.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Natasha bluffed. She was hoping Pepper wouldn’t talk about that night.

“Natasha. I need to know you’re telling the truth and lying won’t help your case.”

“Fine, I was with Hill before you were.”

“Good. And now I need you to listen to me very clearly. I don’t know what happened then and Maria wouldn’t tell me specifics. When I pushed, she just said it was a bad breakup. But you have to know that never have I never seen Maria Hill look that way. Did you know that when I came over, she was unconscious on the ground? I had to do a sternum rub on her until she was awake again. If that didn’t work, I would’ve had to do CRP on her. I would’ve had to crush my best friend’s sternum in half to try to get her blood pumping again. I was so fucking scared.

“She looked like absolute shit, worse than any war. And Maria Hill, the strongest woman I’ve ever met, cried in my arms for most of the night. I swore I would hurt whoever did that to her. Now the two of us are friends, you’re almost like a sister to me and I love you very much, which is the only reason why I haven’t smacked you into the high heavens. But Maria was my best friend and she deserves so much better. So if you try to pull anything on her at all, I swear to all the gods, Natasha, you will not be welcome back into this house. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am. I promise I wasn’t going to do anything.” Natasha nodded her head. Her eyes were threatening to pop from her skull. Fuck. She knew it was bad. After Hill kicked her out she had the craziest look on her eyes. She was already holding a bottle of Brandy. But Hill never drank that much. She never got more than a little drunk. Natasha wanted to go back into her apartment but she thought she might make things worse. Fuck. 

She ended up calling Tony at 3am at night. He picked up on the third ring and Natasha almost cried in relief. 

“Tony?” Natasha’s voice was cracking on the phone. Gods she fucked up. Tony was going to kill her. She knew that he and Hill were getting closer ever since she stated working at SI. Tony was going to hate her. Not as much as she hated herself. A fucking monster.

“Nat, what’s up?” Tony asked, sleep still in his voice.

“I’m so sorry, but Pepper needs to go over to Maria’s like now. As fast as she can. Please, Tony.” Natasha begged.

“Wait, what’s this about?”

“Please just get Pepper. Make sure she has that device that can override locked doors. I’m sorry.” Natasha hung up the phone. She paced in the hallway of the apartment. She tried listening to the door, but took her ear up after she heard a bunch of crashes. There was nothing she could do. She caused this and she couldn’t fix it. Always causing collateral damage. She would always be the monster the Red Room made her into.

She hid outside the window, next to the door, when she heard footsteps approaching.

“Maria?” Pepper called out, banging on the door. “Maria, honey, are you okay?” No one came to open the door.

“Maria, I’m going to come in!” Pepper announced and unlocked the door. Once Natasha saw that Pepper was in the apartment, she ran. She ran as far as she could before her legs gave out from under her. Fuck what did she do? Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! She was a monster. She was a monster.

“I’m glad we understand each other,” Pepper said, snapping Natasha out of her thoughts. “You can go see Steve now. Have a safe trip.” Natasha nodded and got up on shaky legs. Her mind was empty. She couldn’t think. She just walked into the car and clicked on her seat belt. She barely heard Hill asking her a question. 

But now Natasha has something else to think about. Steve was a skrull. She knew that the real Steve would never abandon his friends like that. He started a war just to get Bucky back. He wouldn’t do that only to peace out to the past when Bucky needed him most. Not to mention when everyone else needed him too. Plus, Steve loved the present. Why would anyone want to go back in time anyway? 

Natasha pokes around in a few drawers, grabbing any papers that looked like they might be of some use. Nothing screams at her that anything’s wrong. 

“Where do you think the real Steve Rogers is?” Maria asks, walking into the room. “Do you think he’s still in the past?”

“Nah, I think they’re probably holding him somewhere in this time frame.” She replies, looking at a clearly photo shopped picture of a middle aged Steve and Peggy. “And he’s not old. They probably grabbed him when he came back from the time jump. The skrull probably made this cover story so that people wouldn’t hold him to his usual patterns. If this Steve was off, the skrull could just blame it on being older.”

“Pepper says that Skrull Fury and Skrull me are with Parker right now. Apparently a whole mess happened this summer with a fake superhero. We should probably get Parker somewhere safe in case they try using him as bait.”

“Yeah I was thinking we should tell a couple of people what’s going on so no one gets duped by skrulls impersonating someone. I know we told Pepper we would come back, but going to a hotel while we figure stuff out seems like a better bet. I don’t want to her and Morgan or any of our friends in danger.” That and Natasha isn’t sure if she could face Pepper so soon. She’s never been more terrified of Pepper than she is now.

“Plus Pepper said that Skrull Fury and Skrull me visited the cabin a few times in the past so they know where it is. But before we do anything, I think we need to get Parker. They don’t seem to have much connection with any of the other Avengers, but they know all of Parker’s moves.”

“Back to New York we go then. Let’s get out of here.”

“Yes please, I wanted to leave since we got here.” Hill agrees, stuffing some of the papers into a backpack. Hill has a point; this house is weird. It’s not so much as it reminds her of Steve, Steve would never have half these decorations, it’s more that it seems to be a museum. Things seem even dustier than her apartment. Clearly only the skrull lives here.

Natasha is at the front door when she hears a crash behind her. Fearing the worst, she draws her gun out as she turns around. 

“Hold your fire.” Hill says, holding her hands up in the air. “A picture just fell over.” Hill bends down to pick up a shattered frame. She holds it out for Natasha to see, then puts it back on the shelf. Through the cracks, Natasha can see it’s the picture of some guys in the desert. Natasha’s stomach twists just a little. Of course Hill would hate that picture.

Natasha stares silently at Hill. Should she ask if she’s okay? Would that be overstepping? The picture could’ve fallen on accident and Natasha could be reaching. It’s not like Hill ever told her the exact things that happened during her time in the army, but Natasha could put two and two together. Is she supposed to know if Hill never outright told her?

“Are you going to put your gun away? Or do you think I’m a skrull now too?” Hill asks, eyes still on Natasha. She didn’t even know her gun was still out. Natasha holsters her gun but doesn’t take her eyes off Hill. She’s looking for any signs that something’s off. Hill just raises an eyebrow at her. Maybe it really was just an accident.

“Come on.” Maria rolls her eyes, breaking the stalemate. She walks over to Natasha and starts undoing the locks on the door. She gets them all, but there’s still something near the bottom of the door. It doesn’t look like a lock. What is that? Why is it at the bottom? Hill’s hand is twisting the door knob. Fuck!

“Hill, wait!” Natasha shouts, but it’s too late. Hill turns to her, confused, door barely opened. Natasha throws herself at Hill, wrapping her arms all the way around her, propelling them through the door and off the porch.

The little unsuspecting yellow house surrounded by a white picket fence in the Maryland suburbs explodes into pieces behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't super happy when I first wrote it but I think it's grown on me. It's sexual but also not at the same time?


	11. The Mind Games Won in New York & the Mind Lost in Ohio

Before Maria can even start to process anything’s that’s going on, Romanoff’s body violently collides with hers. Romanoff shoots at her like a rocket, her arms wrapping under her armpits and around her chest.

In the air, Maria can feel her skin becoming hot. And not from the arms wrapped around her. Small pieces of the house slice through her skin, grazing her face and arms.

They fly as a tangled mess onto the ground, their short freefall ending with Maria being slammed onto the concrete walkway so hard the air is knocked completely out of her. Her body skids on the concrete, scrapping off some of her skin. Her head takes the worst of it, hitting the ground so hard that her vision is blurry. The explosion blows out her ears too. The only thing she can hear is the sound of her own blood rushing and heart pumping.

Without sight or hearing, her other senses begin to kick into overdrive. Like how she can smell the smoke and feel the cuts on her body.

Or how her face is buried in Romanoff’s hair and she can smell that apple and cinnamon. And she can feel the way Romanoff still has her arms wrapped around her, holding tight still. They’re so close, with Romanoff on top of her, that she can feel every breath she takes. The way her chest is rapidly rising and falling against her own. That hot breath that is currently ghosting her neck where Romanoff’s head is currently buried.

As the smoke billows around them, they stay intertwined on the ground. Panting and frozen.

Maria could’ve killed them. If Romanoff hadn’t pushed them out of the way of the explosion, they would’ve been in pieces along with the house. Shit, Maria was so close to opening that door and leaving when they first got there. She would’ve killed Romanoff instantly. What the fuck is up with Maria and crumbling buildings?

Maria doesn’t even understand why the house was rigged to explode in the first place. Wouldn’t the skrull also have died if the door was opened? How could they have predicted that Romanoff would shoot the skrull?

The muffled pain in Maria’s head forces her to stop thinking about it.

Romanoff starts to tremble on top of her. Fuck, she probably took most of the brunt of the explosion, separating Maria off from the blast. Acting on instinct, Maria moves her arms from the ground and wraps them around her. She traces her hand gently across her back. She can feel the holes littering her jacket and her hand becomes wet with blood. Her fingertips graze over a particularly large piece of something sticking out of her skin. Maria clenches her fingers around it and pulls.

She can’t hear Romanoff cry out, but she can feel the way her lips move against her neck.

Maria cups her hands around her wound, trying to apply light pressure. Every time she presses down on her back, she can feel Romanoff scrunch up her face, burrowing deeper into her neck.

Romanoff starts moving her lips more, to the point where Maria can start to hear muffled words. But she can’t understand what’s being said to her.

Suddenly, Maria can feel Romanoff’s arms sliding out from under her as she pushes herself off her body. Romanoff looks down at her and her lips open once more to make words, but Maria can’t hear them.

“Hill!” Romanoff faintly shouts. “Hill, can you get up?”

“I think so.” Maria mumbles and moves her arms from Romanoff to the ground. She pushes her upper back off the ground and looks back up at Romanoff.

“We need to go now, before any firefighters or police show up.” Romanoff fully stands up and bends back down to offer a hand to Maria. Maria gladly takes it.

“Do we need to get another car?” Maria groans, picking out pieces of wood—also some shards of glass—out of her arms.

“I think the car was fine since we parked on the street.” Sure enough, there the car stands perfectly fine. Maria’s never been more jealous of an inanimate object than now. She really wishes she could’ve just waited in the damn car. It’s like that shiny car is mocking her. How badly did she knock her head if she’s holding a grudge with a car? She better not have a damn concussion again.

“Are you okay to drive?” Romanoff asks, reading Maria’s thoughts again.

“I can manage.” Maria replies. Because she really is fine. She’s driven in worse conditions.

“Well then let’s go.” Romanoff makes her way to the car and Maria follows after. She looks back at the smoking pile of rubble behind them one last time before she slips into the car. Blowing up a house is one way to announce that they’re back on Earth.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Romanoff asks, lowering her seat back to grab a towel in the back of the car.

“Yeah, Pepper texted me the address of Parker’s school. He has some club or something after school, so he should be getting out around 1700. Which should give us just enough time to drive to New York. Hopefully the skrulls don’t pull him out of class early.” Maria starts up the car and they begin their drive.

“If they wanted to cause a scene, they would’ve done so earlier. I think they’re trying to be subtle. I mean they set up whole elaborate plots to pretend to be us. I mean did you see that house, they even had photo shopped pictures. They wouldn’t spend that long setting something up just to destroy it.”

Maria hums in agreeance as she watches a firetruck speed past them. If they would’ve left a few minutes later, things would’ve been a lot messier.

“They’re getting messier though. They kept us locked up for years without a single attempt on our lives. They could’ve quickly killed us yet they didn’t. But that all went away when we escaped. I mean they shot at us in space; that’s a clear sign that they aren’t going to let us stay alive anymore.”

“They definitely were aiming for us in space, but we don’t know if the blast was even made for us. It could’ve been a protective measure in case anyone came looking too closely at the Steve skrull.” Romanoff counters. “I doubt they were able to install that in only a few days.”

“Which would mean the skrulls were trying to hide something in that house. So have you found anything in those papers?” They were able to save most of the papers they grabbed from the house. Romanoff was holding the backpack they filled in her hands when she grabbed Maria so they were facing away from the blast.

“Nothing out of the ordinary yet. It’s mostly just mundane things like bills and shit like that. I think they went pretty far into this cover story. I’m almost impressed.” Romanoff holds up a piece of paper and Maria glances at it quickly through the side of her eye. “I mean look at this. It’s a tax form from the 80s. They were really trying to make this cover stick.”

Maria groans. “We have nothing on these guys. We don’t even know why they took us. They didn’t take us to destroy Earth. And they left important people here. Why didn’t they take Tony? Why not Thor? They just took you and then Rogers. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Well maybe they couldn’t find Steve when they took me. He was all over the place and I was more localized. I had more of a set pattern and most people knew about my whereabouts.”

“That would be a first.” Maria grunts in a half formed laugh.

Natasha frowns at her. “What’s that’s supposed to mean?”

“Are you trying to tell me that the poster child for spies and secret lives was suddenly out in the open for all to see?”

Romanoff’s left ear begins to twitch and her nostrils start doing the bunny flair thing they do whenever Maria hits a nerve.

“Well someone needed to be the face.” Natasha spits off at her, her voice rising every word she hisses out. “Clint took off. Thor’s entire planet was no more, so he was a little too occupied to do it. Most of S.H.I.E.L.D was gone. Banner went to do his own thing. Tony withdrew from the spotlight to be with Pepper more since he lost Peter. Steve lost Bucky and Sam, so he left. So yeah. I stepped up because no one else could. And I tried my damn fucking hardest to be there for every single person on this damn Earth. You’re right, that goes against everything I was trained to do but I was trying. I was trying to be the fucking hero everyone needed. I went against every single instinct in my body to try and make things better for other people. So kindly fuck off.” If Romanoff could leave the car right now, Maria is sure that she would’ve slammed the door on her already.

The thing is, it’s hard to pick and choose what pieces to put together. Maria has pieces of Romanoff, pieces of Natasha, and pieces of Natalie. And until now, she’s been trying her hardest to keep them separate. And so far that’s been working, because they really are different people. And it confuses her when they bleed together. When she looks at Romanoff and sees Natasha or Natalie or both.

Because this thing Romanoff is telling her right now is what Natalie did. Natalie described to her how she was left alone from everyone in her life and had to hold up a mask for people who needed it more. How she would drown herself so that other people could float.

Because Romanoff doesn’t do that. Romanoff leaves for months on end with radio silence. Romanoff declares that everything should be on the down low. Everything needs to be a secret. Romanoff never gives up any information or emotions. Romanoff has a secret apartment that she never showed Maria in the entire decade they knew each other. This is the person that just disappears at the drop of hat. The person who doesn’t even make noise when she walks. Who disappeared for two whole years and formed a new life, shedding her old one like it was nothing. Because it probably was nothing, just another act by the world famous, 15 time Oscar winner Natasha Romanoff. The Romanoff that just leaves, and everyone else be damned. She’s so good at running that it’s impossible to chase her because hoping to catch her is like trying to catch water with a broken bucket; it just slips through the cracks.

Out of all the things to combine, how can Maria combine those two people? Loyal, strong Natalie is not flakey, skittish Romanoff. Because if she starts to combine those two aspects that are completely different, that means she’ll have to combine other parts as well. And she can’t. She won’t.

So Maria just stays silent as well. She really doesn’t feel like arguing right now, especially since her head is still throbbing from being shoved onto the ground. Maybe the two years after the Decimation are off limits for what they talk about. It’s too much of a Twilight Zone situation for Maria.

Romanoff looks ready to smack her if she says anything even questioning what she just said and Maria can’t agree with her, so she decides to just drop it for now.

Maria will take this time to focus on driving instead. Driving always calms her. She’s in control. Literally. If she wants to go right, she turns the wheel right and the car follows. She’s damn good at driving too. She likes to roll the windows down and feel the wind blowing through her hair. The screams of the wind blowing next to her ears.

It’s easy to focus on. Checking all the mirrors, looking at the road in front of her, looking at the sides. Everything takes her attention. She doesn’t get distracted. A phone pinging on the console next to her doesn’t draw her attention. She has no need to do a million things at once while trying to drive. The most she’ll do is listen to faint music in the background.

Cars meant freedom. Her father never owned a car. Not after his license was taken away when he crashed the one time when she was six. She has the long scar on her hip as a reminder.

The only cars she remembers riding in were the ones she built with Betty, the old woman who taught her how to be a mechanic.

Of course living on the Helicarrier and then in New York City doesn’t exactly give her a way to own any cars. She’s a subway girl now. That was fine with her, she could get her fix from working with Stark. Tinkering with stuff wasn’t something she was granted in the air. If something didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be great to learn about that miles away from the Earth’s surface.

They pass another Iron Man billboard. Maria peels her eyes off of it. While Romanoff may not have been able to do anything about it, Maria was there that day. She was in New York City even. If she found a car earlier or was able to negotiate with the skrulls, maybe she could’ve gotten away. She could’ve been at that fight.

Instead she got shot and captured. She was fucking useless. She ended up in the same place she would’ve been even if she did nothing to resist. Except her right side was blown to bits. So she accomplished even less than nothing. She did worse good than doing nothing would’ve done.

Hell, maybe if she would’ve just let them take Fury, she could’ve stayed there. They weren’t interested in her until after she started to argue and shoot at them. I mean Fury didn’t seem to mind going with them, he’s even still with them.

She could’ve just stayed down like he was trying to tell her. Of course Fury was right, he’s always right. Maria likes to pretend she can do what he does, understand the same things he does, but he’s way above her level. He’s untouchable. She’ll never reach him. The way people’s eyes glint with respect for the man whenever they mention his name will never happen for her.

Anyone who says her name says it with distain. It’s never in a good context to hear her name. Even if it’s good things to say, it’s met with resistance. Like they don’t want to admit she did well. The tone of voice is them saying that one good call doesn’t make her a good agent or leader. She just happened to get lucky once.

And they’re probably right.

The whole Deputy Director thing is bullshit. She’ll never be Director, not that she was ever hoping anything would ever happen to Fury, but she’d hoped it meant people seeing her on the same level. But that’s impossible.

Even if she were there during the last fight against Thanos, what good would she have done? All she seems to do now is order people around. What good are a few words against Thanos?

So while hers and Romanoff’s situations are similar that neither of them could’ve saved Stark, they are not the same. As much as Maria hates it, people respect Romanoff. They trust her to get the job done. If she were in the same position as Maria and could’ve safely been at the fight against Thanos, she could’ve helped.

She would’ve been able to save Stark. She would’ve caused a difference.

Meanwhile here Maria is, on Earth without Fury. That should make her the Director now. But she doesn’t feel like the Director. She’s done nothing to prove her leadership. She’s just driving all over the place with Romanoff.

With Maria’s head firing thoughts every second, her fingers start to tap and bang on the center console. She doesn’t notice the feeling or the tapping noise until Romanoff grabs her hand and holds it still.

“Can you stop?” Romanoff mutters. “I’m trying to read these papers and you’re being annoying.”

Maria frowns. “I’m so sorry my fingers have rendered you unable to read.”

She doesn’t see the second meaning to that until Romanoff smirks at her. “Please, if your fingers were causing me to stop focusing on something then I don’t think I’d be telling you to stop.” See, Romanoff always manages to do this. She has no problem bringing up things of their past. And why should she? It’s not like it affected her at all. She said it herself a million times in a million different ways: Maria was never an important person in her life.

Fuck Romanoff and her stupid jokes. “Then quit messing with my hand and start reading those damn papers again. I need to figure out what our next move should be. We can’t even get what’s left of the Avengers together because everyone is so broken up and scattered in too many different places. And I don’t think we can pull this off alone.”

“Oh, I already have that covered.” Romanoff offhandedly says, like Maria hasn’t been racking her brain on what to do next for the past day. Fuck, why can’t she just say what she’s thinking for once in her damn life? How can someone live being this cryptic at all times?

“Mind sharing with the class?” Maria asks, grinding her teeth together. Romanoff has been nothing but a nuisance this entire car ride. She would give anything in the world just to leave her on the side of the road somewhere.

“No, I don’t think I will.” Romanoff smiles and leans her chair back. If she thinks for one second Maria will let her put her dirty feet up on the dash, that will be the last straw. Luckily for Romanoff, her feet remain on the ground, so Maria’s last bit on sanity can remain tethered to the ground as well.

“I need to know what you’re planning so I can think of other plans. I need to know every step to make sure there are backup plans. What to do if things don’t work out perfectly. Because things haven’t exactly been going smoothly since we’ve been back.” Maria points out. She can feel her eye starting to twitch out of frustration.

Romanoff scoffs. “You don’t need to be in charge of everything. And I don’t need shitty backup plans because I have a fool proof plan. Quality over quantity, Hill.”

“It’s literally my job to be in charge of everything!” Maria argues. “With Fury gone, I’m the acting Director of S.H.I.E.L.D and people are depending on me to do my job. Fuck, the entire universe can be resting on one single decision!”

“Stop being so overdramatic all the time. First off, S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t even exist anymore, Hill, let it go. And second off, no one is expecting you to be Fury. There is not a single person right now who is looking at you and hanging on your every word. Give it a rest.”

Maria knows S.H.I.E.L.D isn’t what it used to be and technically it’s not around anymore. But everyone knows that on the down low, the important parts of S.H.I.E.L.D are still operating. Someone has to keep these Avengers in check, I mean they almost destroyed everything when they were fighting. They don’t tend to see their real world consequences well.

The Avengers are filled with superheroes and mutants with powers, they need real people to tether them back down to Earth and remind them that they’re not the only damn people in the universe. Maria may have worked for SI after S.H.I.E.L.D fell, but that didn’t mean she ever stopped working for Fury or working to try and keep what little peace the world had.

And Romanoff knows this. She would come to their base every so often before the Accords. She even helped work with her and Fury when they were trying to devise a strategy on what to do about the Accords and the fracturing Avengers.

They were working smoothly together; Romanoff had firsthand knowledge about Roger’s and Stark’s feelings about what needed to be done, and Maria was talking with Stark and Pepper about all this, along with the leaders of the governments. And then of course Fury seemed to be in the loop with everyone at every time.

And they all agreed that the best thing they could do was sign the Accords and then hash things out later. Maria was very convincing when she wanted to be and she was sure she could begin renegotiating rules of the terms to where they would have most of their freedom back. The Accords wouldn’t restrict anything and serve solely as a reminder to watch their damages since everyone else has to clean up the rubble.

Besides, the Accords did have a point. Although of course the destruction was done in order to save people’s lives, some of it could’ve been helped. The Avengers were starting to become sloppy. They were relying too much on their powers and reputations. They were drifting apart from reality.

Crafting and weaving intricate points into how they were going to make this work, Romanoff and Maria worked seamlessly together for once in their lives. And shit, that teamwork even started to spill into their personal lives.

Things were starting to build back up again, even after everything that happened with Banner just one year prior. They could be alone without Maria’s strong urge to kick or punch or scream or cry at Romanoff.

Not that Romanoff ever explained herself and Maria never asked. It was more of a silent apology. Even though now that Maria looks at it, there really was no apology at all, silent or otherwise.

But Romanoff was starting to fade back into Natasha. And Maria could see Natasha whenever she picked up Thai food for them to eat, cuddled on the couch after a long day, or mumbled in her sleep as Maria held onto her.

Even though it looked like the Avengers were falling into complete chaos, Maria finally had a piece in her life that was beginning to set. Maybe this time it could work. This time her bucket was whole and she could keep the water from running.

And then the day came. The day where civil war broke out and once again Romanoff double crossed her. Once again she held out a hand to her, only for Romanoff to grab it and tear it off, violently and purposefully pulling pieces of her soul that were just starting to mend.

Romanoff didn’t follow their expertly crafted plans at all, and once again Maria was forced to watch in horror as she obliterated months of careful planning in only a few minutes. She watched as her life’s work once again crumbled before her very eyes.

But what should Maria have expected? This is how it has always played out ever since day one with Romanoff. And every single damn time Romanoff plays her like a fiddle and she’s left even worse than she’d started out. Maria would always think she was at rock bottom, only for Romanoff to find her a deeper hole to throw her in.

And sure, deep down, Maria knew that the whole thing with Stark and Rogers was a mess and maybe just Romanoff wasn’t to blame, but damnit, they had a pretty good plan that probably would’ve worked. Going on the run with Rogers wasn’t even an option to choose from. Not even a worse-case scenario option. Romanoff freely choose to do that. She changed the scantron from being multiple choice to free response.

It really shouldn’t have surprised Maria that she ran. And it didn’t, not really. What surprised her was that she went on the run WITH someone. She wasn’t alone. Which just proved that she could’ve had someone with her all along. She was fully capable of running with someone instead of just running away from someone.

And that’s when Maria knew. She knew that she would always be a broken bucket; there was no fixing her. And Romanoff would always find the cracks in her. And she would always be a cracked bucket to Romanoff because she would never see her as an equal.

In fact, Maria was never a thought in her mind. She was just convenient. Convenience was all there was to it. Maria was just the closest warm and consenting body, and that’s why they fucked. Maria had a private apartment and that’s why Romanoff would come over. Maria truly meant nothing to her. That’s why there was never an apology, never a reassurance, never anything. Because Romanoff didn’t think she deserved anything. Romanoff didn’t give out participation trophies and Maria was just as mediocre as the rest of the players.

Romanoff’s days with Maria were always numbered because there’s only so long a cracked bucket can have water in it before it all leaks out onto the floor.

And it’s still that way. They’re only working together because they have to. And it’s clear once again that Romanoff doesn’t think Maria is worthy of sharing her insights with.

“Fuck, Hill, watch out!” Romanoff shouts somewhere in Maria’s foggy brain. Maria feels a jolt and focuses her eyes on Romanoff’s hand on the wheel, veering them to the other side of the road and away from the car. “Pay attention to the road, damnit!”

“You did smash my brains into a smoothie.” Maria grumbles, eyes now completely aware and back on the road. Of course Romanoff ruins even driving for her. Maria’s one happy place is soiled with the likes of Romanoff.

“Yeah because being blown up would be so much better.” Romanoff mocks.

Fuck she’s so annoying. “Can you just be quiet the rest of the drive?” Maria pleads, Romanoff’s grating voice is giving her a headache. Romanoff sarcastically moves her fingers across her lips like a zipper then “throws away the key.” What an absolute bratty child. But at least she’s silent.

And she does stay silent for the rest of the trip. Maria is able to get them to Parker’s school a few minutes before he’s due out of it.

“You should stay in the car.” Maria says to Romanoff when she sees her starting to unbuckle her seat belt. “For all Parker knows, you’re supposed to be dead. It’ll be harder to convince him to come with me if the reincarnation of the Black Widow is standing next to me.”

“But I can help.” Romanoff argues, even though this is not up for discussion. “I know Peter.”

“You don’t know him, you’ve heard stories about him from Stark, but you’ve barely met him. You were on the run for the two years Parker was at SI.” Maria points out. Maybe she would’ve known Parker if she actually kept in touch with anyone in her life or swung by every once in a while. But she didn’t. And Maria did. Maria stayed put at SI every single day and she actually got to meet Parker. He would work sometimes in Stark’s lab with them.

Romanoff flinches and then quietly agrees, “I guess you’re right.” She puts her seatbelt on in compliance.

Suddenly uncomfortable with Romanoff’s rapid shift in mood, Maria stops talking and rolls the windows down before she turns off the car.

“Wait you’re leaving the windows open and leaving like I’m some dog stuck in a car?” Romanoff challenges.

“It’s so you can hear, smartass.” Maria rolls her eyes.

“Still treating me like a dog.”

“No,” Maria slowly and clearly states, making direct eye contact with Romanoff, “a dog would actually listen.” Romanoff scowls at her and sticks her tongue out. Maria chuckles and closes the car door.

“Not funny, Hill.” Romanoff shouts out the window at her. Maria can feel deep in her bones that she’s flipping her off right now, but she doesn’t look back.

Maria waits near the front stairs of the school and looks at the door. A few minutes pass and a couple of kids begin to slowly stream out of the main doors. Maria looks around to find Parker. It sure would be easier to find him if that kid were more than 5 feet tall.

She’s finally able to spot him opening up the doors and starting to walk down the steps. Luckily it looks like he’s alone. She really didn’t want to make room in the car for any more people than him.

“Parker!” Maria calls out and waves her arm in the air to catch his attention. “I need to talk to you.”

“No, Parker, come over here!” A voice counters. And oh shit is that a familiar voice. Maria slows turns to see herself just a few feet away.

Skrull Maria catches her gaze and gives her a half smile. Something flashes in her eyes and Maria gets chills on her arms. This is too fucking weird.

“What’s going on here?” Parker asks, starting to walk back up the stairs away from them.

Before Maria can respond, another voice interrupts her.

“Hey, Hill, I think I saw the skrulls, be careful!” Romanoff shouts and turns around the corner.

“A little late for that notice.” Maria grumbles, gesturing to the Skrull Maria carefully watching them.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Parker asks, his eyes wide. He’s almost turning into those squeezy toys with the bugging eyes. Not that Maria can blame him, that was pretty much how she felt seeing Romanoff for the first time after the Decimation too. Then again, Maria really hopes they don’t have the same experiences of Romanoff.

“Hey, Peter.” Romanoff waves. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know what’s happening here.” Parker breathes out. “What the fuck is going on?” He puts his hand on his forehead, his legs beginning to move backwards again.

“Parker, I’m afraid these two are imposters.” A fourth voice adds in and Skrull Fury walks into view. Which is clearly not a dramatic enough entrance for the real Fury. “We’ve just got word that a hostile enemy alien species has made their way to Earth. They have the ability to shapeshift.”

“More aliens?” Parker groans. “The last time I fought aliens Mr… Mr. Stark died.” Fuck, this poor kid. First he loses Stark, then he gets tricked by Mysterio, and now he’s pulled into a fight against aliens. He just can’t catch a damn break and Maria feels for him.

“Hey, Peter, it’s okay. It’s not gonna turn out that way, alright.” Maria soothes, something inside her prompting her to reassure this kid. “There are shape shifting aliens but they’re definitely not as bad as Thanos.”

“You hope.” Romanoff scoffs under her breath.

“Well how do I know which of you is real and which is the alien? What if you’re both aliens?” Parker does make a valid point.

“The aliens revert back into their true selves when they are extremely hurt and close to death.” Skrull Maria supplies.

“Well that can be arranged.” Romanoff pulls out the glock from its holster and points if at Skrull Maria.

“Romanoff, stand down, we can do this without making a scene.” Maria hisses. The last thing she needs is mass panic by the public.

“The alien is right.” Skrull Fury agrees. “Unnecessary violence isn’t the best option here.”

“I think it should be between me and her.” Skrull Maria points at Maria. “Since we’re both the same person apparently, you can ask us questions only the real Maria Hill would know. And Parker will go with whoever doesn’t get any wrong and the other side must respect that.”

“But you can’t ask anything after the Decimation, since that wasn’t actually me.” Maria adds. She’s not playing this game by the skrull’s rules.

“Well how do I know that there ever was a real Ms. Hill?” Parker asks. “You could’ve been an alien this whole time.” Kid does make a good point and Maria is left to rack her brain on how Parker can trust her answers.

“Remember that one time that Stark’s invention malfunctioned and sent me into medical?” Skrull Maria brings up. “My heart stopped for a few seconds. If I were an alien, I would’ve reverted back into an alien form from being that close to death. So ask any questions around that time.”

“What is she talking about, did you really almost die?” Romanoff murmurs to her, her green eyes trying to find her blue ones. But Maria doesn’t answer her, she has more things to worry about.

Like how did the skrull know that? It wasn’t like that was public knowledge and the only people there were Stark, Parker, Pepper, and then Helen Cho. What is Maria getting herself into?

“I’m fine with that.” Maria carefully says. Although she knows that she will know every answer to any question Parker will ask, the skrull is obviously up to something. She wouldn’t have suggested this game if she knew she would have no chance at winning. Maria hates being left so far in the dark.

These skrulls are so far ahead of anything that her and Romanoff could ever be planning.

“Okay,” Parker starts off, “then tell me why you were in the hospital. What was it that went wrong?” He points at Maria.

Easy question. “We were testing out a new entire for the model X7 jet pack Stark was working on. It started off a nice day but then it started to lightning. I tried to clear it, but the jet pack was zapped, frying one of the gears. It overheated and exploded, sending me into the ground.”

Parker nods. “And when did Pepper say you would be allowed back into the lab with Mr. Stark?” This time Skrull Maria answers.

“She said she’d fire me if I stepped into that lab before the last cast was off.” Now how could she have known that? The only people there for that conversation were her, Stark, Parker, and Pepper. Parker was in the Decimation and Stark was otherwise busy, so maybe Pepper told her, not knowing it wasn’t the real Maria? But that still doesn’t make much sense.

“And how long did that end up being?”

“Only three weeks.” Maria answers. Rationally she knows that Parker wouldn’t know why it took her such a short amount of time to heal, but she holds her breath hoping that that isn’t his next question.

“And what was the next thing you worked on with Mr. Stark and me?” Maria lets out a sigh of relief. That isn’t a conversation she wants to have in the middle of the public.

“The Immortal Rocket.” How is she right again? It’s not adding up.

“How the fuck?” Maria curses. This is going to take all day.

“The security tapes.” Romanoff whispers. “Stark has cameras and shit all over that place. They could’ve seen footage of you in the tower.” That… that’s actually a valid point. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

“Wait, Parker, before you go on with any more questions about things we worked on together in the lab, can you ask about stuff that happened outside the tower? There’re tapes in the tower that could’ve been seen by people not actually present at that time.” Maria requests.

“Then that leaves me with nothing. I’ve really only met you when working with Mr. Stark, ma’am.” Parker does have a point. She’s really only talked to Parker when they were both in the lab. Like she’s said, she’s bad with kids. And she never was one for small talk.

“So where does that leave us?” Skrull Fury asks.

“So maybe none of us have directly talked to you, but we’ve all talked to Stark and Stark talks about you a lot. So just think of something Stark would’ve told us about you that wouldn’t be important or loud enough to take note of when watching security footage.” Romanoff suggests. Which isn’t the worst idea, except Maria and Stark don’t usually talk about those sort of things. He really didn’t tell many stories about Parker to her. They were sort of close, but they weren’t that close. Romanoff is kind of setting them up for failure here.

“I can’t really think of anything.” Parker’s eyes dart from one pair to the other.

“Anything you think he would mention to a good friend for laughs, but would respect your privacy enough to not say it too loudly.” Maria adds. Even though this whole thing seems pointless. Everything she knows about Parker she knows from working with him. That or it’s the really basic stuff.

“Okay, I think I have something. And this is for all of it.” Parker gulps and takes a deep breath. “How did Aunt May find out I was Spiderman?”

Maria has no clue. She had to have known it was him with all the time he put in with Stark. Stark would never have a random kid in his lab. He may be an idiot but he’s not that much of an idiot.

At least it seems like the skrulls don’t know the answer to that either or they would be piping up. But that might not last, Maria bet’s there’s someone checking the security tapes right now for them.

“Am I allowed to answer?” Romanoff asks Parker. “Because I believe we all agreed I wasn’t a skrull before the Decimation.” Skrull Fury begins to open his mouth but Natasha cuts him off. “Before you argue, I’d get your story straight, because you claimed I was a skrull after Vormir and we claim that I was a skrull for three years after the Decimation. Therefore, we’re both in agreeance that I was human at this point in time.”

“This is fine by me.” Skrull Maria declares, her eyes glaring at Romanoff. Does everything really depend on Romanoff? The game was meant to be played by Maria, yet here she is standing useless as their fate dangles in any words Romanoff has to say.

“This happened sometime in July 2017. Tony told me that you’re such a shit liar, but somehow May ate up whatever you said to her and never questioned that you were Spiderman. So you had to really fuck up. Which you did. She walked in on you wearing the Spiderman suit.” Romanoff has a smug smile on her face. Was that really it? A little anticlimactic if you ask her.

All four of them turn to look at Parker.

“Correct.” Parker announces and Romanoff flashes a toothy grin at Maria. This is really their first win over the skrulls. They fought them head on… well sort of. But what matters is that they won.

“So you will uphold your end of the deal?” Maria questions the two skrulls. “He comes with us and you let him.”

“Parker, you’re making a mistake.” Skrull Fury warns. “We won’t be far away when things go south.” Maria swears that sounds like a threat to them.

“Come on, Peter, let’s get the fuck out of here.” Romanoff says, starting to walk to the car. Parker sends a glare at the skrulls and Maria worries for a split second that he’ll start going with them. But sure enough, he starts to slowly make his way down the concrete stairs over to the car.

He’s almost at where Maria is. She should say something, shouldn’t she? I mean this is the first time she’s seen him in years, it’s mandatory to greet him, right?

“Good to see you, Parker.” Maria nods her head at him. Internally she cringes a little. Was that really the best she could do? Fuck, why can’t she add any more warmth into the greeting, this isn’t a damn business transaction. This is one of her best friend’s weird surrogate son. This is why everyone assumes she’s made of metal and ice.

“You too, Ms. Hill.” Parker smiles up at her. Maybe she didn’t fuck up too bad. Or maybe Parker’s just a good kid. He’s still a good kid even though the universe hasn’t been very good to him. He’s strong. Stronger than she ever really gives him credit for. Stronger than most people give him credit for.

Parker’s stopped walking and they’re now just standing on the sidewalk looking at each other.

Maria manages to give a slight smile at him. “Let’s go then.” They walk to the car together and Maria glances back to peek at the skrulls. At least they’re staying back. What kind of enemy respectfully lets someone disrupt their plans? Maybe they just want to follow them? They’ll definitely need to switch cars a few times to get them off their trail.

Their faces are blank as Maria looks at them. They must be planning something. Maria wonders how good they are at making things up on the fly. Everything else they’ve done so far seems to have taken careful planning. And all that careful planning goes to shit if they can’t make up for the plot twists thrown at them. And now Maria is sounding like Romanoff trying to justify her erratic actions. She really needs some damn time away from her.

But of course right now she’s not blessed with that luxury, as she slides into the car next to Romanoff.

“Damn, kid,” Romanoff smirks at Peter, her eyes with a mischievous twinkle, “you have not grown at all in the nine years since I’ve seen you.”

“Romanoff!” Maria scolds. She’s not going to sit here and have Romanoff get on Parker’s nerves until he decides he’d rather be with the skrulls than with them.

“Same can be said for you, Ms. Romanoff.” Parker answers, immediately wiping the smirk off her dumb face and transferring it to Maria’s. Yeah that’s Stark’s kid for sure. He’s gonna be just fine. But Romanoff made a mistake there because now it’s not just Maria against Romanoff. Now it’s Parker and Maria against Romanoff. This will be a good car ride.

Which was good. Because it was a long ass car ride. They switched cars at least six times. Plus, Romanoff’s directions were all over the place, leading them zigzagging through what seems like the entire east coast and Midwest.

They’ve spent three days on this damn road trip and by now Maria is certain Romanoff’s giving bullshit directions. She probably doesn’t even have a plan. Just wasting their damn time. Fuck, Romanoff always has a streak of letting Maria down in missions. Of letting the entire team down in missions.

“Do you even know where you’re going, Ms. Romanoff?” Parker asks, sounding bored as hell. Which is valid. Maria should’ve thrown a slinky or rubber ball back there for him to play with. That’s what kids his age use, right? They had to take away his phone in case any of the skrulls were trying to track it. They left in the first car way back in New Jersey. Parker was less than thrilled.

They pass the “Welcome to Ohio” sign as they cross over the Ohio River.

“Call me Natasha, kid.” Romanoff rolls her eyes at him. “’Ms. Romanoff’ just reminds me of self-absorbed senators and council members trying to pretend like they can interrogate a professional spy.”

“Kid has a point though, Romanoff,” Maria starts, “if we spend any more than two more days on this wild goose chase, I’m calling it and we’re doing things my way.”

“You don’t even have a plan, Hill.” Romanoff snorts. “You’re not gonna spend five days driving just to give up. Besides we’re almost here. So you BOTH can quit the whining. We get there when we get there.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Maria grunts. What could possibly be in middle of nowhere buttfuck Ohio besides corn and orange traffic cones?

Maria’s visited Ohio once before in her life. It was while waiting for the army to come get her right after she turned 18. She’s still bitter about it. Worst couple of months of her life. Well… that’s maybe overdramatic but you get the point.

“Who wants to play I Spy?” Parker asks for the hundredth time today, breaking their return to silence. Romanoff and Maria both let out the loudest groans. At least they can agree on something.

“I spy with my little eye,” Parker starts, two hours into their drive through Ohio, “something yellow.”

“It’s corn.” Maria says immediately.

“You got it!” Parker exclaims like it’s some big feat.

“It’s ALL corn. It’s always been corn. It’ll always be corn.” Maria wails. She’s about to lose her goddamn mind. Is this what Romanoff’s playing at? Take them into the Ohio cornlands and make them go crazy? She’s been silent for the past hour of the drive, leaving Maria to be the one to play I Spy with Parker and the corn.

“Your turn, Maria.” Parker says.

“I spy with my little eye, something yellow.” Maria mutters.

“Uhhhh.” Parker looks around. What is he looking at? There’s nothing there. Maria is two seconds away from dropping her head onto the wheel and just giving up.

“Stop.” Romanoff orders.

“Yes, can we please stop this game?” Maria breathes out. Finally, Romanoff has a good idea.

“No stop going straight, take a left on this road.”

“You mean that shitty dirt trail that probably can’t even fit a whole car?” Maria raises her eyebrow.

“Yes, smartass, that one. Just take the fucking road.”

“Whatever you say, I live to serve you.” Maria mocks.

“Cut the shit and just take the damn road.” Romanoff snaps and Maria turns the wheel. So now they’re slowly bumping down the shitty path. And here Maria didn’t think their trip in Ohio could get worse, now Romanoff isn’t even taking them on actual roads anymore. This really is getting ridiculous. Maria looks back in the mirror at Parker and they both share A Look™. At least Parker also agrees that Romanoff’s lost her mind.

As they continue down the path, it starts looking more like a driveway instead of a road. They inch closer and closer to what looks like an old barn turned into some sort of building. This could be one of Romanoff’s safe houses. But they already have everything they need, what they need is intel. Not a visit to a decade old safe house.

“Park in the front.” Romanoff demands as Maria pulls in close to the barn. She parks the car and turns off the ignition.

“Why are we at an old safe house?” Maria questions, Romanoff being as cryptic as ever.

“She’s meeting us here.” Romanoff supplies. She opens the door and steps out on the dirt ground. Parker follows suit and Maria reluctantly does as well.

The three of them stand in the dirt facing the large weathered barn door. The door then begins to open. A figure steps out into the fading Midwest sun. Where does Maria recognize that face from? The strong, angled jaw. The small muscular frame. The blond hair. It’s all so familiar.

<<What kind of stupid shit have you gotten yourself into now, Natalia?>> The woman mutters in Russian, strong arms crossing over her chest.

<<Good to see you too, sis>> Romanoff glances up at her, eyes sharp and grin as toothy as a shark.

And that’s when Maria knows she’s staring into the brown eyes of Red Room assassin Yelena Belova.

The same Yelena Belova that was killed in 2008 by S.H.I.E.L.D agent Natasha Romanoff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! Everything just kinda went to shit in like mid August and then college started back up and now I'm just kinda drowning in stuff. Next chapter will be all background. I have it written but I'm not super happy with it so I'll probably rewrite it... But I have every intention of finishing this fic; I promise it will not be abandoned! And the wait for the next chapter will definitely not be as long as this one!


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